Closet Monster Page #3

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all my stuff to my dad's place.

- Yeah, my parents

are divorced too.

Uh, what's the word? Empathy.

- Thanks.

- Oh, sh*t!

- What is it?

- Oh, f***!

No, no, no! Don't brake!

- Why not?

- No, no, no, she might be under

the brake pedal. Can you check?

- She's not there.

- WATCH OUT!

- Oh, my God. It's not funny.

- It is. I'm sorry.

- Shh... What is that?

No, no, turn it up.

- No way...

- That little f***er

got behind the radio!

- How do we get her out?

F***...

- No, don't open the door!

Why not?

She' going to jump out

and get hit by a car!

- She's a hamster,

not a f***ing gazelle.

- Is now really the best time for that?

She's going to electrocute herself!

- What the f*** are you doing?

- Smoking her out.

Get ready to catch her...

- Are you kidding? You'll kill

her with second-hand smoke!

- Come on, man. That's an old

wives tale. Get ready.

- This is the worst idea

I've ever heard.

This is so f***ing stupid.

- Still nothing?

Got her!

- Alright!

Told ya.

- Thanks for the ride.

- Alright.

You need some help?

- No, it's OK.

Dad's not home yet. I don't even

have a key anyway.

- You don't have a key to your

own house? What are you, six?

- Yeah, my dad's afraid that

my mom's going to steal it,

sneak in and rob him.

- Right. So what are you

gonna do?

I'll probably just hang

out in my tree house.

No way.

You have a tree house?

I need to see this.

- I don't know...

- Yo, this is insane, man.

So you made this?

- With my dad, yeah.

- Let's climb it!

- I don't know...

- F***.

- Here.

Thanks.

- Hey.

What's his name?

- Buffy. She's a girl.

- Uh, I hate to break the news,

but this is

totally a boy hamster.

He got balls, check it.

I would have thought

you'd seen enough balls by now

to tell the difference.

Just kidding.

- Um...

Here, give her to me.

- It's him.

This place is wild, man.

What do you do up here?

- Um...

Mostly just come up here

to get away from the house.

- So what are these for?

- It's my, uh,

college application.

- Yeah? Where are you applying?

- Um, there's this awesome

cinema makeup program

in New York.

- Oh, nice! So come on, man,

show me more of your stuff.

- OK, it's...

It's a little weird.

- They're cool.

Anyway, I should

probably get going.

Oh... Sorry.

- You OK?

I'm fine...

thank you...

Although I think I'm going

through a bit of a gender jam.

- Whoa! Watch it, man!

- Oh, I'm sorry, man! I thought

you were my son's girlfriend.

- His girlfriend?

Whoa, watch it! F***, man!

- Hey.

How was work?

- Riveting.

- How did you get home?

- I walked.

- With the hamster?

- Yep. With the hamster.

- OK...

- Is that a whale?

- Where? - Right there.

That's called a bad photo.

Let me take that.

- That one?

- Mm-hmm... OK, keep going.

- Mm...

- No!

Not very flattering.

That one's not bad.

No. Definitely not.

- No?

- Actually, go back. Right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- OK, just let me clean it up.

- What?

What did you do? That does not

look like me at all.

- I just cleaned up your face.

- No. It's so weird!

- You look great.

- I don't want to sell myself as

something I'm not.

Change it back.

- Everyone uses Photoshop

to make themselves look better.

- But nobody's going to hire me

if I send in that photo

and then show up to an audition

looking like me.

- You'd be lucky to have them

bring you in in the first place.

- Excuse me?

- It's New York. There's always

gonna be a thousand girls prettier than

you. I'm just giving you a fighting chance.

- F*** you!

- Gemma...

Let me just print these off.

- No, I'll get them later.

I have rehearsal.

- Hey! Hey, Gem!

You wanna come over for dinner tonight?

I'm making chicken and waffles.

- Oh, sounds delish, but can't.

- So...

Um...

How're things going with

you and Oscar?

- We're... fine.

- I see, I...

Sorry, I'm just, um...

I was wondering... You know.

- If we're together?

Is that what he told you?

- No, of course not.

So, is he...

- Is this really happening

right now?

Your bag's melting.

- Just visualize

this is going to this hand.

I can do it

just by thinking about it.

Like this...

Here it is.

- Oscar, can I see you

in my office please?

- Sure, I'll just

finish up here,

I'll be right over...

- It's OK, just leave it.

Things have been pretty

slow here lately,

so I'm going to have to let

some people go.

And frankly, you are

without a doubt my most

incompetent employee.

I mean, you don't even fit in,

because you know what you want,

and it's not here.

Oh, I can't bring myself

to fire you,

because I mean, really,

you are a good kid,

so I'm gonna leave it up to you.

If you wanna stay,

be my guest,

but if you think you can find

what you're looking for,

I would suggest that you stop

wasting your time here.

- I think I'm really high.

- OK then... Good.

I think that was good.

I think we...

- OK.

- Yeah, excellent.

- F***, man. I can't believe

she fired you, too.

- She didn't, I quit.

- Really? What'd she say?

- She said I didn't belong here.

- Wow, that's good for you.

What are you doing tonight?

- Um, probably just working on

one of my models.

- Oh, f*** that, man, I'm taking

off to Berlin tomorrow

and my roommate's

having a party.

- You're leaving?

- Yeah. I'm just gonna visit

my cousin for a few months.

- Oh. Awesome.

- Well, you should come.

- To Berlin?

- No. To the party.

And you got to bring a costume,

'cause it's a Friday the 13th

Monster Mash or some sh*t.

Anyway, you gotta dress up.

See ya.

- Hey.

- You know, you got mail.

- Oscar! What's wrong?

What are you doing? Talk to me!

Are you OK? You're scaring me!

- CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP? I'm fine!

What do you think?

I'm sorry, I didn't...

I didn't mean it.

- What are you doing?

- Going to a costume party.

- Well those clothes don't

belong to you, so...

- They don't belong

to you, either.

- That's $50 deducted

from your...

from your education savings

for trying to steal from me.

- You're pathetic.

- You're not going to no

f*ggot costume party either.

- Hey, man.

That's your costume?

I thought this was your thing.

- This was all I had.

- Don't worry about it.

Yo, Brigitte!

Oscar needs a costume.

- Yeah, no problem, a**hole.

- Come on.

- How much do you think it would

cost for a flight to Berlin?

- Why? Do I look like

a travel agent?

- Wilder just bought a ticket

so I thought you might know.

- Is that what he told you?

He's not going to Europe.

He's driving back to Montreal

to live with his parents.

Oh...

Thank you.

Want to give me

a hand with this?

- Wilder! This party's so fun!

There's so many

cool people here!

Oh, my God, I can't believe how

dorky I sound. I'm such an idiot!

- I'm glad someone's

having fun, man.

- You're so nice. That must be

why you have so many friends.

- Actually, I have no idea who

most of these a**holes are.

- Yeah, that's so cool.

- Stay right here.

- Wilder!

What's that on your nails?

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