Club Paradise Page #5

ladies and gentlemen...

a representative of

Her Excellency, the Queen...

The Governor General of Saint Nicholas,

Sir Anthony Croyden Hayes.

- It's my job.

-I've saved the best for last.

He's my partner. He's my friend.

He's a reggae machine...

and a fashion statement.

Forget your annoyance,

because here comes...

Ernest Reed and The Flamboyants.

- Hi, man.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Good.

- Great.

- Feel good.

Great music. Real tight.

Real good rhythm thing happening.

We heard it, you know, driving up.

It's all music...

- It sounds like this is the...

- Roots.

The roots, yeah, of all music.

I thought it was jazz, but I...

- This is labingee.

- Labingee.

- I could listen to this all night.

- Stick around, man.

Love to!

How long does this go on for?

You guys go late, or what?

Sometimes three days, all day, all night.

- Three days.

- Big mistake.

Big mistake. If he doesn't come soon,

I think we should just check out.

- Hey, my man.

- Yeah, man.

- He's back. Okay.

- All right.

Ready?

- Oh, we're going?

- We gotta go.

Fellows, guys, great. Had a blast.

- Next time.

- Great session.

- You got it?

- Yes, man.

Let's see it. Let's see it.

- That's it?

- Yes, man.

One joint? What kind of dealer are you?

Dealer? I'm a taxi driver, man.

- Some other guy's dealing it.

- Taxi driver.

Good deal. One joint. You know

we're going to need more than one joint.

Do you want to go back in there

and ask your buddies for a little bit more?

- No, I don't.

- Well, then get in the car.

Wait a minute!

I believe you ladies

mentioned something about smoke.

- Right.

- Let's see it.

- She wants to see it.

- She wants to see it.

This stuff is totally tubular, okay?

She's lighting it here. Is this cool, or what?

You're so fine.

All right.

Nice smoke.

You want to pass that...

- Hey, that's nice.

- You want to pass that...

I had an interesting chat this afternoon

with the Prime Minister, Mr. Gundy...

and Mr. Voit Zerbe, the owner

of the Royal Saint Nicholas Hotel.

They asked me to speak to you

about your future on the island.

In fact, they bribed me to do it.

- You took it, of course.

- Certainly.

If I refused, Mr. Zerbe implied

that he could have England's legs broken.

It seems that this island

is about to be bought...

and that the government is ready to sell it.

Apparently, you and your friend Ernest...

are the only things left

standing in the way.

What do you mean, "bought"?

The people, the government,

the businesses, the natural resources.

It happens all the time.

Who's Mr. Big?

Mr. Big has yet to make

a public appearance...

but I've noticed that every time that

wonderful old tugboat heaves into port...

our Prime Minister starts scurrying around

like a mongoose in heat.

- What do they want with a dive like this?

- Frankly, I can't imagine, but...

as the representative of Great Britain...

I feel it may be a matter of vital interest

to my government.

I would even say that if someone,

perhaps someone with nothing to lose...

who may be leaving the island anyway,

were to get on board that ship...

and provide some useful intelligence,

my government might be very grateful.

No. Thank the Queen for me...

but tell her my brother's a queen and even

he doesn't want me to spy for England.

Nah. Thanks, but no thanks.

What if the crew wakes up?

They're all at the marina bar. Don't worry,

I'll be on and off in two minutes.

You stay here and honk

if there's any trouble...

Wait a minute!

This is helium. God damn it!

I brought the wrong tank.

Forget it. I'll go without it.

- Jack, I'm going with you, man.

- Fine, we'll both go.

Oh, that's a nice buzz.

Oh, boy.

Shh!

Come on.

What are you, a duck? Come on.

What is it?

It's the new Saint Nicholas.

Yeah, I see their plan now.

There's a new international airport...

high-rise hotels...

- Iots of luxury condos for the rich folks.

- Where's my house?

Right there,

next to the nuclear power plant.

But the good news is you won't have

far to walk to work in that factory...

where they'll probably have you

sewing labels on designer jeans.

Where's our club?

I've seen the future, Sparky,

and we're not in it.

- Freeze!

- Police!

- What are you doing out here?

- Just seeing that all is well.

- Is it?

- No.

Guard! Guard!

What you wanting, man?

Nothing. I just always

wanted to do that with a cup.

Hey...

you said I was allowed one call. A blue jay.

Will you please hold my messages?

Come on, look on the bright side. I heard

this place is going co-ed in a month.

This is just the beginning, man.

We know too much now.

We got the best beach on the island,

and they know it.

And they ain't gonna stop until they get it.

This may be a Garden of Eden,

but Gundy's not God and I'm not moving.

Good morning, gentlemen.

- I trust you had a pleasant night.

- Oh, it was fabulous.

You got yourself a real flea circus

going here. Come on, boy, jump.

I won't mince words with you,

Mr. Moniker.

There are some very important people

with very important plans for this island.

- We must have your property.

- Over my dead body, Mr. Gundy.

- That too can be arranged, Ernest.

- You hold it right there, pal.

I got friends in low places, too.

You start pushing people around,

sometimes people might push back.

Be that as it may, Mr. Moniker...

you have until tonight

to sell us Club Paradise.

And if we don't?

Then you will be very, very sorry.

Now you both are free to go.

Your lady friend paid your fine.

Attack.

- So I'll see you there.

- I'm coming.

Hell, no.

So long, Constable.

You won't have Jack Moniker to kick

around anymore, even though you tried.

Yep, this is one guy you don't have

to beat twice with a rubber hose.

I got the message.

Nobody do that to me

and get away with it.

All right, Ernest, all right.

What's going on?

What did you do last night?

- Why did you go out to the yacht?

- Well, I went a little crazy. I got paranoid.

I thought that people were out to get me.

Now I know. They are out to get me.

There they are now.

- What about the law?

- The law?

Babe, this is the only country

where the constitution is written in pencil.

- It is so lovely here.

- I hate beauty.

Do you realize how boring it gets

looking at beauty day in and day out?

Anyway, it can't last much longer.

Are you always this cheerful

in the morning?

My dear, the Americans will move in

and turn it into Miami Beach...

or the Russians and Cubans will come and

turn the whole island into bloody Albania.

There really is no hope.

Islands like Saint Nicholas

make such nice missile bases...

naval stations, money laundries.

Well, if there isn't any hope,

why don't you leave?

- Go to New York or London.

- No.

If the world is going to hell in a bucket,

I want to hold the handle.

Now, will you excuse me? Ta-ta.

Must see a man about a job.

It's muggy.

Amazing.

Honey, I never knew that Eisenhower

hadn't made up his mind...

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