Club Paradise Page #6

whether to be a Democrat

or a Republican until 1955.

I never knew that.

Isn't that incredible?

Jesus Christ! Linda, what are you doing?

Randy, I'm not going home with bra lines.

- Please don't be silly.

- My God, Linda.

We're all adults.

- What are you doing to my wife?

- Can it!

Mrs. White, it's not that

they're not beautiful...

but, you see, there's strict government

regulations against nude sunbathing.

Besides, it's more tantalizing

to conceal than to reveal.

- I never thought of it that way.

- Please do.

Jesus, it's spreading. God damn it!

What are we gonna do, grow it?

That'll take three months.

- Have a better idea?

- Maybe you should have brought some...

instead of so much cologne.

- Hey, Jack, Jack!

- What is it, guys?

Listen, you gotta do us a favor.

- What?

- Big favor.

- What?

- Favor for a favor.

- You do us this favor, and we'll do you...

- What?

Okay.

- We're looking for Johnny.

- Who's Johnny?

No. Smoke, J's, joints, buzz.

Not just a little bit. I want a big bag,

no twigs and sticks...

Clean. It's gotta be clean.

I'm a federal narcotics agent,

and you're both under arrest.

Come on, I was just woofing you.

But I could be.

See, there's a lot of heat on me, guys.

If you really want something,

ask that guy over there.

- Don't look!

- Where?

If you get caught, I don't know you, okay?

Be cool.

You got it.

Which guy?

I don't know, I didn't look.

Jackie, that is so obvious.

I can't believe you're doing that.

It's Friday, Mary Lou,

and nothing's happened, yet.

Jackie, please. I don't want to get busted.

Tell you what. I'll make you a deal.

I know a place that's totally secluded.

You can do anything you want.

Sound good?

Hey, everybody!

Who's up for a nude orgy picnic

at Devil's Hole?

- I am!

- I am!

- You coming? Lt's the last chance.

- No, man, I got to wait for Johnny.

Hey, Jackson.

Hi.

Hello.

Barry, you gotta come.

Let's go. Nude beach!

Man, the deal's cut. The weed's coming.

One of us has gotta stay here.

- It's a nude beach!

- One of us has gotta stay here.

I'll catch you later.

Besides, I want to try this thing, anyway.

I'll tool around here for a while.

It's good for the lats, good for the pecs.

Hey, I'm doing it!

Hey, watch your front knee,

and tilt the mast forward.

You see, I don't want to get into a political

discussion here, but Communism...

- Will not work in a country like this.

- Oh, no.

Communism will not attract

women 18 to 26, for instance.

Gee, I love being naked. It's great.

- How about you?

- I thought I did, but I don't.

Come on, take your clothes off.

- Get undressed. We'll go for a jog.

- No, thank you.

No?

He's gonna be here in about 10 minutes.

I really think we should get dressed.

Randy, I want to be naked

for the rest of my life.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

I know we should have gone to Acapulco.

- What are you looking for?

- Our clothes are gone.

- What do you mean, our clothes are gone?

- Well...

All right!

They left our cameras and watches.

Big, hairy deal. We're naked, you jerk.

Well, so what?

We've been naked all afternoon.

Well, I hadn't planned

on walking through town this way.

Come on, let's get out of here.

You know what?

I'm just gonna wait here for lsland Jack.

Because I think it's stupid to go off

without knowing where you're going.

Did it occur to you whoever took our

clothes could be watching us right now...

and we don't know what they want?

Obviously not.

All right. I suggest what we do

is we walk very calmly...

in single file off this beach,

and we don't stop for anything.

All right, let's go.

In single file, and I mean you.

Who died and made him boss?

There might be poisonous snakes here.

No, there are no snakes.

They introduced the mongoose here...

a long time ago.

The mongoose, of course, kills snakes.

- What's a mongoose?

- It's a big rat about a foot long...

with great big teeth.

- This must be north.

- North, schmorth.

What are we doing, making a map?

What are you, Marco Polo?

We just want to get out of here.

If we don't know

what direction we're going in...

we could be going in circles, you fool.

I, for one, am getting very hungry.

Don't worry, honey,

I think that's wild sugarcane.

Randy, I'm not about to eat real sugar.

Yeah, we'll find you a Sweet'N Low field.

Would you move?

I hope that was your finger.

I could have done the same dive myself

if I didn't have this diarrhea.

Oh, boy.

This is perfect.

I've lost my money, I've lost my club,

and now I've lost my guests.

Well, maybe they took a hike.

No, this is not a hiking crowd.

That's it, Randy. I can't go on.

Don't give up, baby.

We're almost out of here.

We've been tramping around here for

three hours. There's no way out of here.

No, we're close.

I can sense it, almost smell it.

You know, I was a boy scout, honey.

I've been watching the sun all afternoon

and sighting on that mountaintop.

I've been keeping

the mountain on our right...

and walking perpendicular

to the line of the sun's movement.

We're okay, honey. Trust me.

Besides, I know for a fact that the island

is only 7 miles across...

at its widest point, which would be

from Puerto Maria on the north coast...

to Prince Charlestown on the south coast.

So even if we had to cross

from shore to shore...

the longest it would take

would be four hours...

even if we had to average

less than 2 miles an hour.

No, we'll be okay.

- I'm sure of it. Don't worry about a thing.

- Randy.

You know what's funny, honey?

I like it out here.

It's primal and it's honest.

You don't survive the jungle

in a tie and a suit.

You survive with pure animal instinct.

God, my senses are alive.

When I'm out here,

I ask the really big questions, like:

"ls it man against nature, or is it...

"man in harmony with nature?"

The latter, I think.

You know what I'm talking about, honey?

It's a snake! Don't panic!

It's a Burmese.

They're swallowers, not biters.

I... Linda!

Linda!

Yeah, they'll come back, in little boxes.

Pansy, double. Anything.

- We got a big problem, Mr. Monkey.

- Don't tell me about it, Pansy.

We lost one of them sailboards.

What do you mean, "lost"?

Someone took it out,

and they didn't bring it back.

- Which someone?

- Named Barry.

Oh, God.

- Those cost a lot of money. Where is he?

- He didn't come back, neither.

Desmond say he see him go way, way out.

Say he was good, too.

Oh, my God.

That's 10 people lost in one day.

What is this, the Bermuda Triangle?

- Shouldn't we call the police?

- No, no. No, don't.

I think they'll be calling me real soon.

Now, remain calm.

We'll go down to the marina.

We'll get as many boats out there

as possible and look for him.

Pansy, do me a favor.

Tell all the survivors, I mean, guests...

to stay in their room, big storm coming.

- Okay? No problem.

- No problem.

Help! Help!

Help!

- Help, yes. Help, help.

- Hello.

Help me, you schmucks!

Wait. Wait, listen.

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