Cluny Brown Page #4

- Goodbye.

I shouldn't be at all unappy if it were Betty.

Nice girl. Sits a horse well.

Why doesn't he marry and have done with it?

How do you do, Syrette?

The Colonel Duff Graham, milady.

- Alice, my dear, how are you?

- Oh, Charles, how nice.

- Henry, old boy, by Jove, how fit you look!

- Well, well, Charles.

Look whom I've brought you. Roddy could

hardly keep his paws off her, eh, Miss Brown?

And I don't blame him either.

- How do you do, Miss Brown?

- How do you do?

Well, well, this is a pleasure.

Passed the new vicar on the drive over.

How's he getting on?

Splendid, splendid. Sits a horse well.

Good. That reminds me.

I've just got time for a ride before dinner.

Arert you staying for tea?

No, thank you, Alice. I must be toddling along.

Spoiling for a sharp canter after London.

Now, Miss Brown, don't stay away too long.

I shall be waiting for you.

I want to see a bit of her, too, you know.

And so does Roddy, eh?

Cheerio.

- Thank you for everything.

- Oh, no, no, pleasure, pleasure.

Wort you sit down, Miss Brown?

- Shall I?

- Certainly.

Have some tea.

This is... This is very kind of you.

Milk or lemon, Miss Brown?

It really doesn't matter.

Then shall we say lemon?

Well, I usually take milk, but I'll try lemon.

Oh, then milk, by all means. Sugar?

Oh, I don't think so.

- Are you quite sure?

- Well, if you don't mind, four please.

- Try a crumpet.

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

You know, I didn't think

it'd be anything like this.

You've both been so kind

and it's so lovely here.

I've never seen such beautiful flowers

in my life.

- It's just like a park.

- Hear that, Alice?

She works in it from morning till night.

It's her empire.

Maybe someday

you'll let me help you in the garden.

Of course, my dear.

I'm so glad you like my flowers.

You're so much nicer than I thought.

In fact, I didn't think you'd be nice at all.

To think I was afraid you might starve me.

Instead, here I am having tea with milk

and four lumps and crumpets.

- May I have another?

- Good heavens, have them all.

Oh, thanks, I'm not that hungry,

but I appreciate the offer.

You won't be sorry having me here.

I'm going to do everything to please you,

I promise you, even some extra things.

- How's your plumbing?

- Plumbing?

There's nothing wrong with our plumbing,

is there, Alice?

I almost wished one of your pipes leaked.

I could fix it.

You mean to tell me

young girls go in for plumbing nowadays?

It's great fun

and it does everybody so much good.

By George, when I was a young man,

we never even discussed plumbing.

As a matter of fact, we didn't have any.

- Tell me, Miss Brown...

- Everybody calls me Cluny.

Tell me, I suppose you've known

Colonel Duff Graham a long time.

Oh, no, we just met on the train.

But I feel as if I've known him

ever so long.

I'm going to have a puppy.

- You're going to have what?

- A puppy from the Colonel.

Jupiter!

He says it's the first time he's ever given

one of Roddy's away.

I hope you won't mind.

I promise I won't let it interfere with my work.

Your work?

Yes. Work.

I'm Cluny Brown. Miss Postgate sent me.

Didrt you expect me? I'm the parlour maid.

Oh, you're the new maid. I see.

Oh.

You thought I was somebody else, didn't you?

I'm sorry.

- Have I done something wrong?

- No, no. If anyone's been wrong, it's us.

Nobody's done anything wrong.

We've enjoyed seeing you.

And we hope you'll be happy here

and stay a long time.

Thank you.

Syrette, this is Cluny Brown, the new maid.

Now, sit down, my dear, and finish your tea.

Sit down, my dear.

And when you've finished, Syrette will

take you to Mrs Maile, the housekeeper.

- Very good, milady.

- Well, Alice, I'd better get at that letter.

They are so nice, aren't they?

I'm finished.

- Follow me, Brown.

- Brown? Everybody calls me Cluny.

You'll be called Brown here.

Maybe she got onto the wrong train,

Mrs Maile.

- Maybe she ran off with a handsome stranger.

- That will be enough, Weller.

WELLER:
Things like that have

happened before and might happen again.

Mrs Brown, Mrs Maile.

Mrs Maile, the housekeeper.

Where have you been, Brown?

- Having tea with Sir Henry and Her Ladyship.

- What?

Well, it wasrt my fault, really...

Mr Syrette will give me the necessary

information later, if you'd be so kind.

With pleasure, Mrs Maile.

- Thank you, Mr Syrette.

- Not at all.

Now then, take off your hat, please.

I'm afraid you'll have to do something

about your hair.

Shall I leave, Mrs Maile?

Please don't, Mr Syrette.

I'd appreciate your opinion in the matter.

And may I say I agree with you completely,

Mrs Maile?

I knew you would, Mr Syrette.

- Your appearance is part of your work.

- Precisely.

- I understand this is your first place.

- Yes.

I see. We must begin at the beginning.

You say "ma'am" to me,

and "sir" to Mr Syrette.

And "Her Ladyship" to Her Ladyship.

You will perhaps never see Her Ladyship

or Sir Henry.

But if by chance you should find yourself

in the same room with them,

you will not be in the room.

You will see and not see.

You will hear and not hear.

And should Her Ladyship happen to

address you, which I very much doubt...

But if she should, you will answer

"Yes, milady," or "No, milady,"

depending on the circumstances.

However, these things will come to you

more easily when you've put on your uniform.

I couldn't have stated it better myself,

Mrs Maile.

Thank you, Mr Syrette.

And now, Brown,

Weller will show you to your room.

But before you go,

if I haven't made myself quite clear...

Oh, you've made yourself quite clear.

I understand perfectly.

For instance, if I feel like...

What was it the gentleman said? Oh, yes.

If I feel like feeding squirrels to the nuts,

this isn't the place for it.

The professor will be down immediately.

I say, Syrette, what's the fellow's name again?

It is hard to remember.

So many foreigners do have foreign names,

don't they?

- May I make a suggestion, sir?

- Go ahead.

- Think of the fur, Kolinski.

- Oh, Kolinski, Kolinski.

And now substitute "be" for "kol".

"Belinski" for "Kolinski," and you have it, sir.

I'll remember that.

- What's the name of that fur again?

- Professor Belinski.

Ah, Professor, how nice to see you.

You're very kind, Lady Carmel.

How do you do, sir?

How do you do?

Have a glass of sherry, old man.

Professor, you're most welcome here,

for as long as you care to stay.

How very hospitable you are.

But I don't feel I should accept

before you know more about me.

- Andrew has told us all about you.

- And about this Nazi business.

You don't have to worry

with Constable Birkins around.

Great man for warding things off, Birkins.

Oh, I have the utmost confidence

in Constable Birkins.

But after all,

the Nazis are across the Channel.

However, what worries me

is right here with us.

I have no dinner jacket.

Dinner is served, milady.

Sir Henry, I couldn't bear to face you

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