Cluny Brown Page #7

who doesn't put stuff on her face.

If I may say so, so do I.

Well, it wouldn't do me any good.

I tried it, but I look worse.

They all look worse,

only they haven't the sense to know it.

Oh, it's Mr Belinski. Hello, Mr Belinski!

- Hello, Cluny Brown.

- Mr Belinski, this is Mr Wilson, the chemist.

- Uh, how do you do?

- How do you do?

Mr Belinski's staying at Friars Carmel.

Oh, a friend or relative of Mrs Maile

or Mr Syrette, I suppose?

Oh, no. He's a guest of Sir Henry

and Lady Carmel.

- A guest?

- I understand Mr Wilsors surprise.

A guest is not ordinarily aware

of the existence of a maid.

That's what troubled you,

Mr Wilson, wasrt it?

Exactly, sir.

We understand each other,

don't we, Mr Wilson?

Oh, thank you, sir.

Well, you see, we at Friars Carmel

do not consider Miss Brown merely as a maid.

No. We are very proud of our Cluny

and interested in her welfare.

- And, above all, in her friends.

- Naturally. I understand, sir.

(CHURCH BELL RINGS)

- It's 7:
00, Miss Brown.

- Yes. How time flies.

Yes, it does. But we must learn to fly with it.

You're going to be a bit late

and I certainly don't want

to make a bad impression on Mrs Maile.

Well, I'd better lope along.

- Goodbye, Mr Wilson.

- Goodbye, Miss Brown.

Thanks for a wonderful afternoon

and Sweet Alice Ben Bolt.

A very won'thy young lady.

- I'd like a word with you, Mr Wilson.

- I'm at your disposal, sir.

Mr Wilson, I presume that you have

weighed your intentions toward Miss Brown

as carefully as you

weigh the contents of a pill.

I assure you, sir, I am not the sort of man

who would invite a young lady for tea

merely to while away an afternoon.

Well, I must admit I was worried about Cluny,

but you have relieved my fears.

Mr Wilson, you couldn't have prescribed

a better sedative than yourself.

- Oh, thank you, sir.

- Not at all.

- Goodnight, Mr Wilson.

- Goodnight, sir.

Oh, Mr Wilson.

- Yes, sir?

- You don't drink, do you?

- Oh, no, sir.

- Good.

(BIRDSONG)

Sit down, Cluny. Now, look here, Cluny.

I know we have a pact.

Now let me tell you something about pacts.

Pacts are made for two reasons:

One, to be kept, two, to be broken.

Now, now, I don't say let's break our pact.

But, on the other hand,

I'm not suggesting that we keep it.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Hello, Cluny.

- Hello, Mr Belinski.

- I came as soon as I could.

- Sit down, Cluny.

How do you like Mr Wilson?

Do you still think my ship has arrived?

Look here, Cluny. Out there is an ocean.

And on the ocean is a boat,

braving the storm and battling the billows.

That's not Mr Wilson.

But, in a quiet harbour, there is a freighter.

Its engine is turned off,

no smoke comes out of its funnel.

Nothing could ever budge it,

neither wind nor wave.

That's Mr Wilson.

Oh, I'm so glad you like him.

Do you know, Mr Belinski,

when I sat in his parlour,

and everything cosy and peaceful

and so homey,

and Mr Wilson playing the harmonium,

I got all choked up.

For the first time, I really felt

what it must be like to have a place.

And then his mother started to snore.

- You liked that?

- Oh, not just the snoring,

but because she was a mother.

You see, I'm an orphan

and I've never heard my mother snore.

But you're happy now. That's all that matters.

Mr Belinski, it's so selfish of me

to talk only about myself.

But I'm sure someday

your ship will come in, too.

Don't worry about me.

If it doesn't come, I'm a good swimmer.

Oh, I almost forgot your hot water bottle.

But I'm sure you won't need it

on a warm night like this.

Yes, yes, I'm afraid I do. I feel a little chilly.

It may get colder before the night is over.

- Thank you, Cluny.

- Thank you, Mr Belinski.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

(DOORBELL CHIMES)

Yes?

Outrageous!

- Good morning, sir.

- Good morning, Wilson.

- Well!

- Professor Belinski!

Andrew!

- What are you doing here?

- Just clearing the streets for your arrival.

Well, I'm glad to see you, Andrew.

How are you?

- Better now that I'm out of London.

- How is Betty Cream?

I never want to hear

that womars name again.

She isn't won'th a mars time or energy.

No woman is.

They're all impossible, harebrained,

self-centred, insensitive, idiotic...

By George,

the first woman that comes near me...

Well, they'd better stay away from me

if they know what's good for them.

- And that's my last word!

- You're right, Andrew. Women are no good.

- Except as women.

- By Jove, you've said something, Professor!

I must remember that.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

How are you? I've neglected you shamefully.

What's been going on?

Have you noticed anything suspicious?

Anything that looks like a Nazi?

Well, there is one particular cow, a brindle,

who gave me a nasty look once or twice.

That's Belinski for you,

tossing it over your shoulder like that.

But I won't let you.

You may not value your life, but I do.

I have nothing else on my mind now.

I can devote my undivided attention

to you from now on.

Frankly, Professor, I'm going to be a pest

and someday the world will thank me for it.

Andrew, I thank you for it right now.

But if you would only listen to me.

I've tried to tell you so many times.

- I'm not in danger.

- You're not in danger?

Well, naturally, I am...

- That's more like it.

- But so are all my countrymen.

So are all Englishmen,

you, your father, the whole world.

Yes, yes, of course.

But everyone is not Adam Belinski.

You're in special danger.

Oh, Andrew, you're so good to me,

I wish I were.

Of course, I had a bad time of it

until I reached England.

- I'll bet you did.

- And, mind you,

I may have a bad time of it again if they ever

publish my book, here or in America.

- What's holding it up?

- The publishers.

- The cads!

- So you see?

There is a lull, as far as danger is concerned.

Now, why don't we take advantage of the lull

and relax?

- Shall we?

- No.

No. I won't relax.

- I'm going to write another letter to The Times.

- Good.

No. No, I'll join the RAF.

Better, join the RAF. Rise above the times.

- Don't say anything to mother.

- No, not a word.

Morning, darlings.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Why, that's Betty Cream!

What's she doing here?

She came this morning for the weekend.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- What do you care?

- You're through with women.

- Betty!

- Hello, darling.

- Why did you come here?

- Your mother invited me.

- Why did you accept?

- Well, I didn't want to refuse.

- That doesn't make sense.

Doesrt it?

Did you know you were coming here

when I saw you last night?

- Of course!

- Why didn't you tell me?

Well, you didn't ask me.

How was I to know you'd have the nerve

to come down here after the row we had?

- Did we have a row? I don't remember.

- Oh, this is too much.

We had a row that all London is talking about.

The kind of a row

that London won't forget for a long time.

But what's a row to you? Nothing!

You haven't even the decency

to acknowledge that we had one.

Oh, I don't want to hurt you, darling.

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