Cockneys Vs Zombies Page #2

No, Darryl.

Mr. Cooper is what you call me.

You want to be careful what you say,

I could have you killed.

All your gangster mates are dead.

How're you gonna get someone killed?

Advertise in 'Exchange and Mart'?

I could have you done and all.

I know people, I do.

But go on, hurry up! Me stomach thinks

me "apples and pears" being cut.

Your "stairs" are being cut?

No, me "apples and pears"; me "throat".

"Apples and pears" means "stairs".

Take no notice of him,

he gets everything boxed up.

Apples and pears; cares.

Cares and woes; nose.

Nose in me boat (boat=boat race=face);

throat.

Don't you talk English?

Makes sense to me, Eric. There you are.

They don't get better than never.

Lunch, Hamish.

- Come on!

- Oh, all right.

I'd rather have a nap...

- with you.

- Oi! You cheeky bugger.

Yeah, I wouldn't worry.

They're gonna tear the place

down in a couple of weeks.

Yeah. Okay. Speak to them. Bye.

You really think we can do this?

Ain't got a choice, mate.

I mean, look at this idiot.

We don't do anything, this guy is

gonna knock down granddad's care home.

What would mum and dad have done?

Life's gonna throw a lot at you, 'cause

of who you are, where you're from.

See, some people don't respect us,

the working class.

Don't you dare, ever,

let anyone put you down, all right?

You can be anything you want,

long as you work hard,

stick together as a family.

Always stand up for what's right, yeah?

Now, look, we've gotta

pop out for a minute,

so you two behave yourselves, all right?

Here you go.

- You ready, Shirl?

- Ready.

Come on, you f***ing pigs!

Come on! You'll never take us alive!

Probably not the best role models

for the current situation, Andrew.

I think they'd be all right with it.

An East London building

site has been shut down,

after several workers were

injured, earlier today.

Police have not revealed

the details of the accident,

but a Department of

Health spokesperson...

Right, let's get the van

and pick up the others.

I think maybe we should have picked

something easier than a bank.

Nah, we'll be fine.

Davey will look after us.

You getting in, then?

Yeah, yeah, just keeping a low profile.

We ain't done anything yet, mate.

Yeah, well, it's just,

tricks of the trade and all that.

All right, now, my guy on the inside,

he said that they were

upgrading their security.

So, today, there's no security shots.

But the alarms are on and they all work.

Did you get the outfits?

Yeah, blagged them

from the building site.

Sweet.

You're late, as usual.

Yeah, nice to see you too.

- All right, Kate?

- Katy, not Kate, Katy.

- All right, Kate Grand lives on.

- Oh...

Excuse me for expecting someone in my

own family to remember my f***ing name.

- They let you out then?

- Yeah.

Davey Tuppence? You having a laugh?

He's our expert.

Expert?

What sort of an expert gets caught?

Now, you've got to be really

tough to do this sort of work.

- Really?

- Yeah, double tough.

Do you, uh, wanna see some of my scars?

- Yeah, yeah, I'd love to.

- Of course you do, babe.

Oh, bollocks.

It's the best we can do at

short notice, all right?

You said, it'll just be the three of us.

In and out, no complications.

Yes, no complications.

But, we need as much help as possible

to make sure things go smoothly.

That's why I'm here.

- Which one is Mickey's?

- Mental Mickey?

Oh, this just gets better and better.

He's the only person that we knew

that had access to guns, all right?

You said no shooting.

We can't afford to get caught with guns.

They're just for show. All right?

He' not mental. He's just got a few...

anger management issues, that's all.

Issues? He's a f***ing psycho!

I heard he pulled a geezer's

spine out and wore it as a belt.

Great, I feel much better now.

All right, mate.

Here he comes.

Oi! Princess, move.

See you brought me a bird, then?

Who the f*** you calling

a bird, you prick?!

F*** you calling a prick, you shitter?

- Whoa! Easy... easy...

- Katy is our cousin. She's a locksmith.

And this is Davey Tuppence.

Yeah, I've heard of him.

Got a bit of a reputation, don't I?

I heard you're a bit of a muppet, bruv.

It's a good job I'm sorting

out of shaving his head.

Ah, beautiful.

Now this... is my baby.

It's a Remington 870 Express

with a tactical pistol grip.

Takes eight 3-inch magnum shells.

Her name's Tracy.

She's pretty.

F***ing hell.

Now, let's go f*** up

some f***ers, yeah?

Ooh, there's something funny

going on at the building site.

Katy, don't look at me

like that, for f***'s sake.

Yes, I should have told you

about the guns, all right?

But I'll drop you off, if you want.

No chance. I ain't leaving you

two alone with these divs.

Someone's got to keep you alive.

Sh*t!

Rats.

Lots of rats.

I wonder where they're going.

Down a pub for a pint.

Who gives a f***? Just drive through.

Mate, they're just gonna clog up

the wheels. There's no point.

We've got plenty of time, all right?

Now, listen,

you do know what you're doing, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Right, perfect, listen to this.

This is the most important part, Mickey.

No shooting.

If it takes longer than 3 minutes,

then we just get out of there.

Shouldn't we be wearing disguises?

Ha ha... So tits... Right...

- What's that?

- Well, it's a moustache.

I can see it's a f***ing moustache.

Are you expecting me to wear one?

Well, why not?

Put your glasses on, pull your hat down.

No one will know the difference.

I've got tits, you teat!

Well, no offense, they're not... that

big, so, it'll probably be all right.

Last chance to quit, us.

Nah, come on, let's go.

Now, when we get in there,

I'll make the announcement, right?

And then, you'll make as much

f***ing noise as possible, you know.

Really put a frightness on.

Yeah, that's music to my ears, Tuppence.

Come on.

You need your own deposit slips.

It's bank policy.

Look, I just... You know me.

You know my account.

Why're you making this difficult, Clive?

I wish I could help,

but my hands are tied.

I suggest you go back to your...

bedsit, rifle through your drawers...

How dare you? How dare you?

Come on, Davey, say something.

Let's just f***ing shoot everyone.

Let's start with you, eh?

Are you here for the money, then?

Yes, we are here about the money, um...

And we don't want any

trouble, all right?

Oh, no, no, it's no trouble at all.

I assure you.

Would you like to come this way?

- What's going on?

- I have no f***ing idea.

I wasn't expecting so many of you,

but, um, a couple of you can sit down.

Now, if I could just see your forms,

we can get you that money.

- Forms?

- The C114 and 27B/6.

You are from Heartman

Construction, aren't you?

Yep.

Right, it's just that Eddie

said you'd have the forms.

He said he'd bring them later...

Okay, well, I can't release

the money without the forms.

All right, stop the Lilly Law, will ya?

We ain't got your

f***ing forms, all right?

But, I've got this, you soppy b*tch.

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