Coffin Rock Page #2

And any kid'll do.

You just cook one up

in your lab

or order one from our catalog,

maybe go exotic with Korean

or Sudanese

or just grab one off the street,

you f***ing head case!

- Liar!

- Oh, what would you call it,

snatching a kiddie

from its mother!

- You said you wanted this!

- I do!

- Oh, bullshit!

Keep your f***ing letter!

- Of course he does.

- No, no.

All mouth, no trousers.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I love this song.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

- Yeah, f*** it!

II'

- Costello me J'

I Why'd you have to haunt

my dreams I

I So clearly I

- I I said I don't I

I Want you coin'

round here no more I

I Please, trickster I

I No need to settle I

I We'll call it a drawl

II'

II'

- Of course, there's nothing

wrong with your pipes.

- Medically certified

and fully operational.

Standing by.

Here's a perfectly healthy

35-year-old

with the perfect man,

except for the fact

that out of a 100 billion,

he hasn't got

a single f***ing boy

that can swim straight.

- Oh, you don't actually know

that.

- No?

15 months of synchronized sex,

sweetheart.

I know.

Cheers.

- J' She's got the best damn

eyes I've seen J'

J' She's got the best

damn eyes I've seen J'

- Come on, you bastard,

or I'll boil you alive!

II'

I She's got the best damn lips

I've seen I

I She's got the best

damn lips I've seen I

- Okay.

Come on!

- Well, you want me,

I'll do it!

Come on!

II'

- Benny!

- Jess.

II'

Jess.

II'

- Here you go, mate.

Hey, don't worry about it,

all right?

II'

II'

Genius!

. He)'...

- Oh.

Perfect.

Just perfect!

- Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah.

Evan, I'm great.

I'm fantastic.

Oh, God.

- I, uh-I wanted you

to meet someone.

- Oh, my...

- Jess, this is Biggie.

Biggie, this is Jess.

- Oh, my God.

Hello.

Oh!

- Come on, Biggie.

And you thought I was a weirdo.

- Oh, baby, come out.

Let me see you.

. He)'...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come here.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Hey, hey.

Come here.

Hey. He)'...

Ah.

Stop.

- Wait, stop!

Stop!

Stop!

- Stop!

Oh, God.

- Oh.

- Evan wouldn't be

my first choice,

but then,

I wasn't there, was I?

- Oh, God.

- Come on in, yeah?

Come on.

Hey, I'm sorry, okay?

Didn't mean you to see that,

but you did.

Man, that was good.

- Hi.

- Hi.

II'

- Rob...

- No, no, no.

My fault.

- I love you.

- It's okay.

We'll get there.

- What was that?

What was I

Who the f***

does she think she is?

Who the f*** does...

Who the f*** does she think

she is, Big?

You were there, eh?

What the f***

do I look like, eh?

A sucking' idiot?

F***!

F***!

You saw them

in the f***ing window,

and you did

absolutely f***ing nothing.

I do everything for you, Biggie.

F***ing everything.

And you give me nothing!

Why didn't you help me?

I f***ing feed you!

I give you a sucking' place

to live!

And you give me nothing!

Nothing!

You f***ing piece of sh*t!

- You f***ing piece

of f***ing sh*t.

F*** you!

Where's Biggie?

Biggie?

Biggie.

Why didn't you help me?

Biggie.

- I don't want you here, Benny.

You think you can play around

with my missus?

F*** off.

You're sacked.

- You have no idea

what's going on, do ya?

- You stay well away

from my wife, mate.

- Benny.

- Oh, God, great.

Yeah, here's the other one.

- What did you tell him?

Yeah, what do you think

I'm gonna do, eh?

Say, "Yeah, Rob, I saw Jess"?

I Nah nah-nah nah nah-nah I

F*** you.

- Good morning.

- Is it'?

- Come inside.

- Let's talk here.

- Okay.

Evan, uh, um...

you're very nice.

But we're not having

an affair, okay?

- Oh, having an affair?

- I'm sorry if I misled you.

But it...

I was...

- So you're saying it was

an accident?

Like slipping on a banana peel.

Like, "Oh, whoops,

oh, my clothes exploded off."

Is that what you're saying?

- Keep your voice down.

- Come away with me.

- Oh, for God's sake.

Get inside.

You've got this all wrong, okay?

You've just got it wrong!

- I can deal with Rob, okay?

It's fine.

- What is it that you think

is going to happen?

- Well, I think he's probably

going to be a little bit upset,

don't you, eh?

The answer's no.

I'm saying no.

So I'm going now,

and I think it's

probably a good idea

if you did as well.

- Cool.

Where are we going?

- Please don't.

Please don't do this.

- I'm just having a joke, Jess.

- Yeah.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Oh, God!

- Look, Jess, it's gonna come

out at some point.

- No, this never comes out.

Never.

- Come here.

Come here.

- Let go.

Let go.

- Come here.

- No!

- You coming out of there, babe?

You okay?

- Yeah, yeah, all good.

Screw the b*tch.

Yeah.

No, it's a-

it's a caravan.

Well, she comes around

all the time.

She's never said anything.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, no, she's, uh-

she's great.

Yeah.

Oh, no, she's, uh...

she's taught me more things

than you did

when I was younger.

Yeah, no, she's, uh-

she's Wild.

She's Wild, Dad.

Yeah, no.

It's all good.

Everything's all good.

She's got an old boyfriend

hanging around, though.

II'

- What's that?

What is it?

- They're not always accurate.

- You're kidding me.

Two lines.

That's two lines-

That's good, right, two lines?

Come on, baby!

Oh, yeah!

I did it.

L-well, we did it, you know.

Two lines.

Can I have your attention!

Please everybody, listen up!

- Rob! No!

- No, no, please, please,

please, don't tell anybody.

- Why, why, why?

- It's too early.

What if something goes wrong?

- What could go wrong?

- Rob.

Don't tell anyone, okay?

Just not the boys.

No one.

Please.

Please?

Please?

- Okay, okay.

I won't-I won't-

I won't tell anyone

- So you're telling me

there's no Way I can find out

Without danger to the baby?

No, no, that's fine.

Thank you for your help.

Oh, hi.

It's Jessie Willis speaking.

My husband, Robert Townsend,

came and gave you a sample

a few Weeks ago.

He's away on business.

But I'm his Wife.

I under-I understand.

I understand.

Thank you for your help.

And I'll get him to call you

when he gets back.

- "Eve."

You like "Eve," honey?

"Charlotte."

"Charlotte."

That's my favorite so far,

"Charlotte," for a girl.

I love "Charlotte."

I've always liked "Charlotte."

"Charlie" is good for a boy

or a girl, huh?

- You stay away from me.

- Ha ha ha!

You're pregnant!

I'm so excited!

Shoo-hew-hew!

Oh, my God.

I can't believe it!

How come you didn't tell me?

- Oh, yeah.

- My God!

Get us some glasses,

ya big-mouthed bastard.

- They said

they wouldn't tell anyone.

- Shoo-hew-hew!

Are you excited?

Can you believe it?

I can't believe it!

- I can believe it.

- Just one.

Just last one, little baby one.

Just a little one.

Come on, little baby one.

- Little baby one for the baby.

Okay.

- Maybe just-

just, like, a little bit.

- Here we go.

- Shoo!

- Well, you're definitely

pregnant.

- There are, um, options?

- Yes.

The first step would be

to speak to a counselor.

- Can I do it today?

What about that pill?

- We can't do any kinds

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