Colin Quinn: The New York Story Page #5

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Called the Great Migration.

Came from down South. So the black kids,

wed meet em early 60s.

And you could tell right away

they had a New York attitude.

First of all,

they would talk back to the adults.

They would talk to the adults

like they were the same age.

Store ownerd be chasing us.

Hes like, Ill tell your mother.

Were like, Oh, sh*t. Tell my mother?

Black girls like, Tell my mother.

I dont care. Get my mother here.

Talk back to the cops.

The cops would talk like black kids.

And the black kids would talk like cops.

Theyd reverse.

All the cops,

its, like, the late six-- 71.

Like, Oh, slick. My man, come here.

I wanna talk to you.

Thats right. Im not jivin you.

All the black kids

spoke police procedural.

Nah, thats a class-D misdemeanor.

He aint gonna get out of the car.

Thats a 522. Nah.

No, thats a Fugitive Task Force.

See his insignia?

When its cold--

Thats the lieutenant. He dont get out.

He make the sergeant go out.

Its too cold.

Yo, Sarge. Theyre making you get out.

And, um, talk back to the teachers?

We go to class.

Black girls come into class.

Eatin SweeTarts, six kinds of candy,

like theyre at the movies.

They come in with candy. Theyre talkin.

Teachers like,

Sit down, Josephine. Be quiet.

Lincoln freed the slaves.

Dont tell me to sit down.

I wasnt talkin anyway.

I was done talkin.

I was tryin to listen.

The black guys come in five minutes late.

The black guys come--

When I came in late for class,

Id adopt a posture of penance.

Like, I know Im late.

I dont wanna get called out.

Black guys come in like the Medicis comin

to check on Michelangelos progress.

Lookin around like...

No books, just a No. 2 pencil in the Afro,

like, you know...

If theres a test, break it out,

borrow a piece of paper.

Heckling each other. They cant let one

physical flaw go uncommented upon.

They walk into class heckling.

Yo, he got old lady ears. You know.

She got a varicose neck right there.

Your glasses is fogged.

Better clean off your glasses.

He live in the back of the hardware

store, come in smellin like cut keys.

Yo, your book bag is dusty.

His book bag. Get it off the floor.

He wear the same shirt every Tuesday.

Thats your Tuesday shirt, right?

Then the teacherd go,

Sit down, Antoine.

Tell him to stop wearin the same shirt,

and Ill sit down. Sh*t.

Then theyd put themselves

in whatever the teacher was talkin about.

Sit there, like, Sh*t, if I was Tesla,

Id beat Thomas Edisons ass

if he steal my idea.

Then the girl leader would shut--

It would be, Be quiet.

Dont tell me to be quiet, b*tch.

In those days, theyre fightin words.

My brothers gonna wait outside

and f*** you up at 3:00.

And heres the thing.

Her brother didnt go to the school.

Theres no cell phone.

You couldnt text anybody.

Somehow, at 3:
00,

her brotherd be outside waitin.

With, like, a...

The kid with muscles over a dashiki.

So he was a badass.

But that girl was, like, the leader.

Shed get em all quiet.

Shut up! Let the teacher teach.

Go ahead, teacher. Teach.

She was just over it all, like...

Unless the teacher said something

they didnt like. Theyd all hiss.

Then we became the land of the free.

Sss, land of the free.

Yeah. So thats the original--

The people I was talking about till 1965.

Black, Puerto Rican, Italian, Jewish, I--

Like, thats the original New York

personality till 1965, whatever.

And its opinionated, loud, pushy,

cynical, fast, you know--

And, of course, politically incorrect.

In those days, people spoke ethnically.

A little, you know...

Obviously, its better today.

Theres a lot less racial tension now.

-But, what Im saying...

In those days,

the first thing people said was racial.

The first question theyd ask you--

What are you?

And youd have to answer.

Theyd ask your ethnicity first.

Forget about avoiding--

Now, try to get a white person

to say black.

What race was he?

Theyre like, Oh, God. Oh, sh*t.

This is bad.

This is bad. This is bad, huh?

In those days people would go,

What are you?

You could only be four things

at that time.

Black, white, Puerto Rican or Chinese.

That was it.

If you tried to be something else,

people would dismiss it.

Youre like, Well, Im half Honduran

and half Filipino.

You can be Puerto Rican or Chinese.

So make a decision.

In those days, first of all, prejudice

and racist, two different things.

Racist, systemic. Prejudice, individual.

Some people would be prejudiced,

but systemically, they were fair.

The store owner would be,

Hey, wait your turn. Youre not next.

Get in the back of the line.

The colored lady was next. So...

Individually, he was prejudiced.

Systemically, he was fair.

We had the black bus driver,

hated white people.

And, like I say, New York characters,

the point of those New York characters,

is that most of them are prejudiced.

Thats part of the charm--

Nice people are very nice people.

Sincere, like I said.

Theyre supposed to be sincere. Boring.

Not the most exciting people

youre ever gonna meet.

You gotta have a little bit

of a crummy at--

We had a black bus driver,

hated white kids.

We rode public busses to school.

Sometimes youd get him. You were excited.

Everybody on the bus liked it

'cause it was a little bit of a story

instead of the usual nice driver:

Hi, come on on.

Id get on, try to make my friends laugh,

pretend I couldnt find my bus pass.

Sir, I know I have it here somewhere.

You better have it. You aint gettin

on this goddamn bus without it.

You white people run this country.

You dont run this bus,

unfortunately for you.

I know you think you do, but you dont.

Im like, Sir, its here.

You little cracker, I know

what youre doin. I recognize you.

Sir, its here. You goddamn devil.

Get in the back of the bus.

And hed be yelling, White devils!

I know what you do!

Everyones like, Whoa. Laughin.

It wasnt a commission-forming

moment back then.

But now, even nonethnic thing--

People are very touchy.

The New York characters.

The obnoxious fan at the game.

You can tell theyre influenced

by society now.

Hey, ump! Youre crazy!

No offense to anyone with mental illness

in their family, obviously.

Obviously, its a serious issue.

We need more funding for research.

Hey, ump! Why isnt there more funding

for research for mental illness?

Cranky old ladies. Turn that music down,

you little bastards.

Unless its a legitimate form of social

protest, in which case, I understand.

The construction workers-- girls walk by.

Now theyre like, Whoa. Look

at that strong, independent woman.

Nah.

I know girls are like, Bullshit.

They still harass us. Okay, fine, ladies.

Yeah, because all those pe--

Its also the Internet, obviously,

took away a lot of New York characters.

Because, like, Yelp, perfect example.

Yelp was a person.

Now you read:
I didnt like this place.

In those days, you wanted

to find out if the deli was good,

some guy was human Yelp.

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