Colin Quinn: The New York Story Page #9

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That was the big joke.

Polish people are stupid. Cruel.

And why? Theres not even a reason for it.

Why? Because they said,

We want to live in the neighborhood

thats so close you can almost

touch Manhattan,

but by train it takes two

and a half hours? I dont know.

Im sure they have their reasons.

They have their reasons, folks.

Its not for us to say why they did.

They have their thing.

Ill tell you a Polish joke right now.

It wont be the same,

but itll still be funny.

Times change. You wanna be sensitive.

Heres the Polish joke.

A Polish guy... See right away,

even that seems tone-deaf to me.

No because there's gotta be a guy

in the joke.

Like, a Polish guy...

Could be a girl. Lets say its a girl.

A Polish girl. A Polish girl. Hey. Hey.

Lets open it up for that matter.

A Polish member of the LGBTQ community.

A Polish member of the LGBTQ.

No. I tell you what. Well bring it back.

Thisll cover--

A Polish guy, but he self-identifies

as a Polish girl. All right?

Forget it. Well start...

A person of Polish extraction.

It has nothin to do

with the punch line anyway.

If I have to rely on that

for the punch line, wheres the--

A person of Polish--

And when I say Polish, obviously,

its a little reductive to the rest

of Eastern Europe to say Polish.

No, because Eastern Europe, theres a--

I dont want to marginalize the rest

of Eastern Europe.

Cause thats punching down.

And comedy never punches down.

It only punches up.

Ive read that from 50 people

that never did comedy. They all said...

What? All right. Listen. Heres the joke.

Im not telling this again,

but you can tell this on the way home.

A featureless, colorless, nonsectarian...

non-gender specific... person...

of indeterminate origin...

walks into a bar.

Um...

When youre careful

and nice and sincere, thats fine.

Its not funny. Funny.

New York was clumsy.

New Yorks, like, the city--

Its just reckless. Its impulsive.

Its accidental.

The whole city is an accident.

This whole city was an accident.

It wasnt even supposed to--

Henry Hudson,

the explorer that started this whole--

He was on his way to China.

He was tryin to find China.

I swear to God.

He got lost.

Hes comin down the river.

Heres the Lenapes lookin at him.

Whats this?

He comes over. Theyre like, Whats up?

Hes like, Im lost.

I dont know where Im goin.

Youre lost? Where you tryin to go?

He goes...

He goes, China.

Youre tryin to go to China.

To the left and to the right,

buildings towering to the sky

Its outta sight

-Thank you. Thank you.

- In the dead of night

-Good night, guys.

- Ooh

- Here I am, and in this city

-Thank you.

- With a fistful of dollars

And, baby, youd better believe

Im back, back in the New York groove

Thank you.

- Im back, back in the New York groove

-Good night. Thank you, upstairs.

-Thank you. Thank you. 'Night, guys.

- Im back, back in the New York groove

-Thank you, folks.

- Back in the New York groove

In the New York groove

In the back of my Cadillac

A wicked lady, sittin by my side,

sayin Where are we?

Stopped at Third and 43,

exit to the night

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