College Road Trip Page #2

Well, it all worked out.

We got great kids.

That's why I can sleep at night.

- Good night. All right.

- Good night, babe.

(GRUNTING)

Babe! The pig! Hey, baby! Look! Look!

There's nothing there. Go to sleep!

- That little Houdini... He was just...

- Do what you gotta do.

MELANIE:
Dad!

(SCREAMING)

- MELANIE:
Mom!

- Hold on!

Dad! Hurry up, please!

Mom, Dad! Hurry!

- I can't believe it!

- Mel!

(GASPING)

Melanie, what is it?

ANSWERING MACHINE:

Miss Porter, Judge Mahagian calling.

The Georgetown

admissions committee

is interviewing a select few students

from the waitlist.

You'll need to be in DC

this Monday at 4:00.

Congratulations,

and have a lovely trip.

(SCREAMING)

(WHOOPING)

(SQUEALING)

(WHOOPING)

(WHOOPING)

Little bro, what are you

so excited about?

I'm going to turn your room

into a science lab!

JAMES:
For all of you who don't know,

we live near Chicago.

Georgetown is in Washington, DC.

That's 700 miles away from home.

ANIMATED FAN 1:
Georgetown!

ANIMATED FAN 2:
Georgetown!

- Happy dance!

- Happy dance!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

(HUMMING)

(GRUNTING)

- I said, "Whoa!"

- Oh, my goodness! You guys!

No way. He said Monday.

That's in three days.

MELANIE:
You know what?

We should drive there.

- We should make a trip of it.

- Yeah.

Trip? What trip?

- Oh, Monday!

- What?

Baby, I got two open houses

this weekend.

(SNIGGERING)

Okay, no. But that's okay. That's okay.

You know why?

Because Katie and Nancy

are taking their own little trip!

Oh, my goodness. I could go with them.

They can drop me off.

It's only a couple hours from DC.

(SCREAMING)

Perfect. Problem solved.

I am so proud of you!

Thank you, Mommy, thank you!

(CAR HORN HONKS)

- Hey!

- Hey!

I'm going to Georgetown!

(SCREAMING)

Katie and Nancy.

All right, bye! Girls, be safe!

GIRLS:
(CHANTING)

Georgetown, Georgetown!

- Come on, baby. Come on.

- Perfect?

Problem solved?

What happened to our big plan?

We agreed on Northwestern.

Did you even know

she applied to Georgetown?

- I helped her fill out the application.

- What? Whose side are you on?

Both of yours. And put down that bat.

Look, you can't be on both of our sides.

Baby, Georgetown is a great school!

We don't know anyone there.

How will she begin

to take care of herself?

Because you're an amazing father,

and you showed her right from wrong

and you taught her

how to think for herself and be strong.

She's ready for this because of you!

Nice try, Michelle,

but you and I both know

it's nothing nice out there.

I know this is hard for you, but she is

not a little girl anymore. Okay?

You gotta relax. I'll see you at dinner.

I'll show you relaxed.

Are you sure

you can't go out Saturday night?

My best friend from college

is gonna be in town,

and let me tell you this,

the Wizard is the party master.

Party master?

Man, wasn't college the best?

Total freedom to do whatever you want.

What?

I had my parents convinced

I was an oceanography major

for a whole year, just so they'd pay

for spring break in Mexico!

Mexico?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, man, when I think back

to half the stuff I did in college,

there's no way

I'm letting my kid out of my sight

when she goes off to college.

Not a chance.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

- Everything okay, Chief?

- I got everything under control.

JAMES:
I'm taking three days off.

Sure hope he doesn't do

something crazy.

DONNY:

And we're done.

(GLASS BREAKING)

Oh my gracious.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

DANIELLE:

Hey, Danielle here.

We're checking out the great

stuff in my life.

Pardon, Danielle?

I'm just asking.

Oh, my bad!

Call you back, Donny.

Bye.

GIRLS:
(SINGING)

We're going on a road trip

A road trip, a road trip

(WHOOPING)

You guys, I think

we should start really early tomorrow,

because I cannot believe

we're actually going.

I can't believe

your dad's actually allowing you to go.

I've been working with him

for 17 years, all right?

And he knows,

you can be Chief at the station,

but you have to be Dad at home.

- That's right. You tell him exactly that.

- Thank you very much.

Oh!

Surprise!

Road trip, road trip! Yeah!

(HUMMING)

- Oh, no.

- Oh, no.

Mom, this is crazy!

Have you seen the thing

that we're driving in?

It's gonna be like

a thousand-mile ride-along.

No, no.

My life is a thousand-mile ride-along.

Why is he doing this to me?

Because he loves you

and he wants to spend time with you.

- This is cruelty.

- What would make it less painful?

You said she could stay

at the sorority house?

Her friends are gonna be

with Katie's sister at Pitt.

Baby, that's right

near your mama's house,

where you're planning on staying

tomorrow, anyway.

Look, this is daddy-daughter time,

Michelle.

I got a lot planned for us.

I shouldn't have to share.

Why are you taking this trip

anyway, James?

- I told you. To support Melanie.

- Well, good.

Because if this is one of your

crazy schemes to keep her at home,

that would be real bad, James.

I got it all under control.

- Are you going to DC?

- Yeah.

I need you to take a message

to the Secretary of Defense. It reads,

"Dear Sir,

I've created a species of superpigs

"to defend the country

from our enemies."

You're gonna have to

get that to him yourself,

and you may want to

housebreak your pig first.

Already done.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

(GRUNTING)

MAN ON TV:
Welcome to

Animal Kingdom.

Gazelles are among nature's

most social and emotional creatures.

They look after each other

for any signs of danger.

The gazelle family stays together

for as long as they live.

How father loves

his little gazelle daughter.

That's what I'm talking about.

If only humans

could embrace this wildlife lesson.

(SINGING) There's a double dutch bus

coming down the street

Moving pretty fast

so kind of shuffle your feet

Get on the bus and pay your fare

And tell the driver that you're going

to the double dutch affair

(CHUCKLES)

I love you, Daddy!

Where does the time go?

Bye, Daddy! Bye!

(SIGHS)

Where's Trey?

He left an hour ago

for his science club.

It's an all-day field trip.

I'll pick him up after work.

For Christmas, that boy

gets a karate suit, and nothing else.

Look, you be good now, okay?

- I'm gonna miss you.

- You, too, baby. Be safe.

Baby, you call me, now,

if you have any problems.

I'll be fine.

I was talking to Melanie.

Time to go, Mel-bear.

They are gonna kill each other.

(INAUDIBLE)

(ABC PLAYING)

You went to school to learn, girl

Things you never knew before

Like I before E except after C

And why 2 plus 2 makes 4,

now, now, now

I'm gonna teach you

- Isn't this exciting?

- Yeah.

I put together a little road-trip kit.

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