College Road Trip Page #3

I call that "miles o' fun."

Now, we got travel bingo,

travel Scrabble,

travel dominoes.

And for your musical enjoyment...

"Daddy/Daughter groove machine"?

Double Dutch Bus. We used to sing it

in the car all the time.

Play it, play it, play it.

(HUMMING)

(DOUBLE DUTCH BUS

PLAYING ON RADIO)

(SINGING) Give me a "Ho!"

Ya dig?

The double dutch bus

going down the street

And we've got to realize

that you don't know what to...

- I love this song.

- I don't remember.

- Come on. This was our song.

- Sorry, I just don't remember.

- Okay. That's all right. We can just talk.

- Talk? About what?

Father/daughter talks.

We're going to get deep, too.

- Deep?

- Real deep.

I mean, like, deeper than deep.

You know what I mean?

Stuff that only we can get deep about.

(CHUCKLES)

Deep!

Yeah. I just hope 700 miles gives us

enough time.

Dad!

Oh, my goodness. Look where we are.

Northwestern.

- Dad, what are you doing?

- Nothing? What?

This is supposed to be

the "Georgetown Express."

Mel, you have to see more than

one college on a college road trip.

What's the harm?

The harm is we have

a lot of ground to cover.

And I've already seen Northwestern.

Not as a potential student. Come on.

Flow with me.

Flow with me, Mel. Flow with me.

(OLD COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

NANCY:

I got a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

POLICE:

Hey, ma'am.

NANCY:

Huh?

POLICE:

You're out.

NANCY:

Hey, I don't mean to do

a rodeo sun.

# Hey, hey, hey #

# Please, don't make me carry

awaayyyyyyy.... #

CATHIE:

Hey.

Oh.

You and I need to talk.

DONNY:

Ok, what do you wanna talk...

You jacked my arm!

Are you sassing me?

Okay, that's it.

What?

I am sassing you!

Sass sassity sass sass sass!

Donny!

Look, Cathie, I don't mean to

wreck my family anniversary.

But I cannot be taking us anymore.

(CROWD CHEER AND CLAP)

Are you trying to dump me?

Well, yeah. I'm so curious for

what you do to me.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

DANIELLE:

A journal.

I can do it, too!

Snap snap snap!

(LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLES)

Look at this place!

Oh, look at the trees!

The field!

It's like a four-star resort

with some books and learning!

Dad, just don't embarrass me, okay?

Go, Cats! Number one! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

- Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

- Unbelievable.

Oh, Mel! Cats, baby! Number one! Mel!

GUIDE:
And that's how, in 1853,

the university named

the surrounding town "Evanston,"

in honor of its founder, John Evans.

He was a doctor and a builder

and boring, boring, boring. Questions?

(GRUNTING)

- GUIDE:
Are you sure?

- Yes. Please, please, please.

Go ahead.

Hi. Doug Greenhut, BPT.

Booster Parent in Training.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

We're up here from Orlando

on our big "college road trip."

- This is Wendy, my daughter.

- Hi, I'm Wendy Greenhut.

CST, College Student in Training.

You have a question, Tinker Bell?

I was just wondering,

when is parents' weekend?

- It's early November.

- What?

That's three months after school starts.

Any other riveting questions?

(GRUNTING)

Yes.

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

Mr. School Spirit, with the foam finger.

Disregard his sarcastic tone, James.

How does Northwestern compare

to other universities,

like Georgetown, for example?

(SCOFFS) Georgetown?

We're better than Georgetown.

Excuse me. Hypothetically speaking,

if your dad

was an overprotective control freak

and lived 40 miles

away from Northwestern,

then would you go to Georgetown?

ALL:
Yeah.

- Who said that? Who said it?

- I knew this was a bad idea.

(GASPS)

I'm so sorry.

- Are you okay?

- I am now.

Hi, I'm Nick. I don't think

I've seen you around before.

No, I was just

checking out the campus.

- How about a personal tour?

- Personal tour of what?

Dad, this is Nick. Nick, this is my dad.

NICK:
I was just about to show Melanie

around campus.

I don't have a problem with that.

- What?

- I trust you.

Besides, something about this school

feels safe.

Meet me back at the student union

when you're done. You kids have fun.

Can we see

the rest of this beautiful school?

- Okeydokey.

- Okeydokey!

You go, girl!

DOUG:
James, I think this is the start

of a beautiful friendship.

Wow. I wish my dad was that cool.

Huh?

- Shall we go?

- Lead the way.

Wow.

- Wow. No, I'm serious.

- Yeah.

I can't believe

that was just the science library.

- I'm telling you, this campus, it's like...

- I know. It's amazing.

I just kind of want to get away

from the nest, you know?

Look, I hear you.

But the way I look at it,

you have your whole life to do that.

I mean, my parents

live less than an hour away,

and it's awesome.

I mean, I've got a place to cram

for exams when I need privacy,

free laundry,

home-cooked meals whenever I want.

Going to college close to home

is where it's at.

- You really sound like my dad.

- Well, the Chief's a pretty smart guy.

Hey, Nick, can you...

Can you get me a lemonade?

- Don't you go changing.

- Don't you go changing!

"Chief's a pretty smart guy."

(SIGHS)

Oh, it's on. It's on.

So what do you do if you encounter

an individual resisting arrest?

Well, we have Tasers.

No, forget a Taser.

That's not gonna subdue

any real criminal.

MELANIE:
Dad! Dad!

Looks like somebody's

having a good time.

Not a good time, Daddy. A great time!

It was awesome! It was off the chain!

See.

What have I been trying to tell you?

Dad, I don't know

why I wasn't listening.

Let me tell you what happened, right.

So we went to the library, but

- we went to a frat party.

- Frat party?

Let me tell you what happened.

I was like, "Nick, I don't wanna go.

"No, I have to think about school."

But he's like, "Come on. Let's go."

I said, "Okay, for sure."

So we went to the party.

Yo, Dad, crazy, man! Crazy!

There was a Jell-O pool,

and everybody was just diving in it.

I was like, "I can't take it!" Amazing.

Northwestern,

this is where it's at, right here.

- Where's Nick?

- He was krumping,

and he broke out his back.

You know, like...

- Like that. It was crazy.

- Melanie!

(WHOOPING)

I got your lemonade!

(TASER BUZZING)

(GROANING)

Sip on that. Sip on that!

Pardon me, ma'am.

I didn't see you there.

See, I just transferred

from Georgetown University,

where I was stabbed in the eye!

At Georgetown!

- You've got to be kidding me.

- Stuart, she knows. It's over.

Everybody go on about your business.

It's done.

(JAMES SPEAKS

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Disperse.

Hey, how do I get this cast off?

MELANIE:
I can't believe

you tried to trick me like that.

I am a good girl.

I listen to you and Mom.

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