Colour of Magic, The Page #10

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- Wizard?

- Yes.

- You're a wizard. Act like it.

- Act like it?

Yeah.

All right, stand back

or I'll fill you full of magic!

All the magic's gone.

The star's taken it away.

I mean it.

Ashonti

perucha

bealzeboar!

Oh!

Right, that's far enough!

We're heavily armed.

- What about.

- What?

Where is the Luggage?

Where's your Luggage?

Well, I often don't know

where my Luggage is,

that's what being a tourist is all about.

Right. I have a wizard

and I'm not afraid to use him.

To the Great Hall, gentlemen.

WIZARDS:
He's locked it!

The star has spots on it.

No, they're not spots, they are...

They're things.

Things that go round the... Round the star.

Like the sun goes round the Disc.

- They're closer because... Because...

- They're definitely spots.

- Yeah.

- Come on. Ah!

False wizards must die!

- False wizards must die!

- Come on, let's go.

False wizards must die!

False wizards must die!

Come on.

The lower cellars are this way.

Anything that wheezes like

that can't possibly be dangerous.

Don't look back.

Is anyone out there?

Please!

- Hello?

- Who's there?

Argh!

It's Rincewind.

Yes, that's right, it's Rincewind.

- Rincewind.

- Did you bring the spell?

Er, yes. Who's in there?

The masters of wizardry.

The masters!

Why are you in there?

- We got locked in.

- What, with the Octavo?

The Octavo, in fact, is not here.

Oh. Oh, right.

Now, look, this is going

to need a bit of magic,

so, be a good fellow,

run along and find a wizard.

Run along and find a wizard?

All right, stand back.

- Find something to hide behind.

- What for?

Oh, he means it. You see that vein

bulging in his forehead?

- He's serious.

- Will you shut up?

Right.

Ha!

Did you see Trymon

on the way down here?

No. Why?

Because he's stolen the Octavo.

Oh.

- Him.

- I always said he'd go a long way.

He'll go a lot further if he opens that book.

Why? What will happen?

Well, one mind can't hold all the spells.

- It'll break down and leave a hole.

- In his head?

Um, no, in the fabric of the universe.

He might think he can control it

by himself but...

But he hasn't got the spell in your head.

So...

Come on!

He's done it. He's opened a pathway.

- Are those things demons?

- Demons would be a picnic

compared with what's trying

to come through up there!

What do you propose to do about it?

Oh, it's all over, do you see?

You can't put the spells back in the book.

You can't unsay what has been said.

You can try.

No!

Get out of my way!

What?

Wait! Hold it, hold it.

Listen, you don't understand.

There's unimaginable horrors up there.

I've always wanted to do something

like this. I mean,

this is an adventure, isn't it?

You are definitely mad.

Shh.

It's stopped.

Huh.

They're blank.

They're all completely blank.

Then he did it, he's read the spells.

Successfully, too.

I think we should go up and, um,

congratulate him.

- Congratulate him?

- When you're advanced in the craft, lad,

you'll find, at times,

the important thing is success.

That's no way to treat a book.

The spine's bent right back.

Give me that. A lad, am I? Huh!

"When I'm advanced in the craft"?

I've only been walking around

for years with one of the greatest

spells in my head.

And didn't go totally insane, did I?

No, you didn't.

- Where are the other wizards?

Ah!

Rincewind. Join us, won't you?

The eighth spell.

Give it to me.

Give me

the spell!

No. You'll have to try and take it.

And I don't think you can!

Oh.

But I only have to kill you,

and it is mine.

- These statues look like wizards!

- They are the wizards!

They are?

They were!

There are worse things.

I could clothe your body with ants.

- Ooh.

- I have the power...

Hey! I have a sword, you know.

Ooh!

Ah! Pathetic!

Pathetic? I'll show you pathetic.

Hey. Hello?

Rincewind, where's the sword? I'll get it.

I have to warn you

that I'm a real wizard now.

Then, join your fellow wizards,

you turgid little worm!

- I have no need of you now.

Oh, there it is.

Come! The little spell.

Unto me!

- No! No!

- Now what? Oh, right!

I suppose they're the spells.

- RINCEWIND:
Twoflower?

- Yes?

Is that... Is that you, Rincewind?

Yes. And I want you to do something

very important for me, Twoflower.

Yes. I'm... I'm ready.

What is it you want me to do?

I want you to come over here,

and help me up,

before my hand slips off this stone.

- I'm glad you're alive.

- Yes, so am I.

Yes. Could you...

Could you now help me up?

- That might be a little difficult.

- Why? What are you holding onto?

- To you!

- Oh. Me.

- Besides me!

- What do you mean, besides you?

Oh. Oh, bugger.

I don't know why it is,

but ever since I've met you,

I've spent a lot of my time

hanging on by my fingertips

over certain depths.

Have you noticed that?

Oh! Oh, it's you! Oh, no, not again!

No! No!

I think I just had another

near-Rincewind experience.

A little bit earlier would have been nice.

Funny place to put statues.

No one can see them.

Mind you, can't say they're up to much.

Very poor work.

This is where we say goodbye.

Out!

What's he doing now? Bloody old fool.

- Isn't all this magic exciting?

- It's only lights.

He hasn't even produced doves or

billiard balls out of his sleeves.

Is that it?

RINCEWIND:
New worlds!

Must get a picture of this.

I might forget.

How could you ever forget?

It's the most beautiful thing

I've ever seen in my life.

Got it!

That's old Twoflower for you.

He just appreciates beauty

in his own way.

I mean, if a poet sees a daffodil,

he stares at it,

and then writes a long poem.

But Twoflower would wander off

and buy a book on botany,

and then, as he reads it,

he would tread on the daffodil.

The star!

It's getting smaller.

Oh!

It's like a sea of gold!

Golden syrup, more like.

That is a nice dramatic ending.

But life doesn't work like that,

and there are other things

that have to happen.

There is the Octavo, for example,

and many of the observers realised

that dropping towards them

is the single most magicaI thing

on the Discworld.

- Okay? Right. Come on.

- Oh, dear.

Later, Twoflower did ask the

Luggage what it had done with the Octavo.

But its expression

could only be described as...

What are they doing now?

...wooden.

They're trying to open the Luggage.

Come on!

It's a nice day.

Air like wine!

- Rincewind, I've decided...

- You know, I think I might re-enrol.

I think I could make a good go of this

magic thing, and graduate very well.

Because they do say that

if it's summa cum laude,

then, the living is easy!

That's good, because...

And, of course,

there's plenty of room up top,

now that the big boys

are on doorstep duty.

- Will they be able to be turned back?

- Er...

Probably not.

Will they be able to do something

with Trymon?

Yes! He'll make a very nice rockery.

Go on! You go and sort this all out.

I think I could do very well

with this magic lark.

- The thing is, I'm going home.

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