Colour of Magic, The Page #3

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Look! The whole of Ankh Morpork

is made of wood!

- What about my luggage?

- Bugger your luggage!

Tell you what, whoever started that fire,

it'd be wise for them to find a fast horse

and make themselves very scarce.

Thank you

very much, Twoflower.

It says that Chirm is lovely

this time of year.

Yes, and very, very dangerous.

- Really?

- Mmm.

- Whoa!

- That's the oil bond store going up.

Rincewind!

RINCEWIND:
Oh!

Oh, no.

Look at that over there.

Oh, dear God, no.

Oi! Oi, you!

Come back here! That's my horse!

Come back!

Oi! Rincewind!

The Octavo,

greatest of all spell books,

locked and chained deep in the cellars

of the Unseen University.

The spells imprisoned in its pages

lead a secret life of their own.

And Rincewind's departure

from Ankh Morpork

has left them deeply troubled.

HEAD LIBRARIAN:
I can't remember

it being like this before.

No.

Not since that time a young wizard...

Oh, dear.

I've expelled him, haven't I?

And nobody knows where he is, Librarian?

Not even the Patrician's palace guard.

Though they seem to think he'll turn up,

for some reason.

Look, he's the only person

in living memory

who has actually touched the Octavo

with his bare hands.

We have no idea the effect

it will have on him in the outside world.

At least when he was a student,

we knew where he was.

Perhaps I've been a bit hasty.

Who else knows about this?

Nobody, Arch Chancellor.

Good. Let's keep it that way, shall we?

Oh. Apart from Greyhald Spold, of course.

Whose days are probably

numbered anyway.

On the subject of which, I haven't seen

old Narrowbolt around recently.

That's because he's dead, Arch Chancellor.

I'm just glad nobody wants to be

Head Librarian.

Perish the thought, Horace.

Oh, I am looking for a book.

New shoes?

And new hat, Mr Trymon.

- Hmm?

- Ah!

Oh, how very neat and tidy.

Did you know

that in the event of the

Arch Chancellor's sad demise,

he would be succeeded by Greyhald Spold?

He's demonstrated

remarkable powers of survival.

Up to now.

I think it's very important

to strive for perfection. Don't you?

Oh, yes, sir. If you want

to get to the very top, sir, yes.

The position of Head Librarian has

never really appealed to you, sir?

No.

Oh, good.

It is quite possible

that the next Arch Chancellor

may well smile upon those

who understand the importance

of things being well organised.

Is everything in order down there?

Oh, absolutely. Oh, everything is in

alphabetical order, in fact.

So, this is the famous Octavo.

- Famous and dangerous.

- How long has it been like this?

Well, it's always been a bit strange

as far back as I can remember.

But, for some reason, it's got rather lively.

Why?

I don't know.

Who does?

Greyhald Spold.

Hmm?

Before my time.

Greyhald Spold. How convenient!

Rincewind?

Twoflower!

Twoflower!

Twoflower!

"Pit of Ultimate Despair. "

"Dread Tower of Darkness. "

Hmm.

"Traveller.

"The Hospitable Temple

of Bel-Shamharoth

"lies a thousand paces hubwards. "

Hubwards.

Huh.

"The Wyrmberg and Palace

of the Dragon Lord

"lies a thousand paces rimwards. "

Huh. Dragons.

I always wanted to see dragons.

Dragons it is.

Rincewind?

Your lifetime is up, Rincewind.

I can't hang around all day.

I can.

What have you done with the tourist?

Nothing.

He was lured by the attraction

of the Wyrmberg.

Oh, so at least the Patrician

won't be sending out his men

to kill me just yet, then, eh?

There is a distinct possibility

that he may not need to.

What are you grinning at? Huh?

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Now, would you be so kind as to let go?

It won't hurt.

Getting torn to pieces by wolves

won't hurt?

It will be over very quickly.

And, of course, they are

an endangered species.

RINCEWIND:
Oh, good!

Ashoni!

Who are you?

Oh, no!

RINCEWIND:
Oh, you!

Oh, dear. I wonder

if it was something I said.

Don't think I owe you a debt of gratitude.

One of the consolations

of being eaten by wolves

was the fact that

I would never have to have

a near-death experience again,

thanks to your owner!

737, 738, 739...

Dragons.

Dragons. 741, 742, 743...

Dragons?

Nobody believes in them any more.

Ha!

I never really wanted

to be Arch Chancellor anyway,

so if you're here for...

For the Octavo, Mr Spold.

You're not here to...

What about the Octavo?

It's rather

troubled

at the moment.

And it seems that you

might be able to tell me why.

Well...

It's not all there, you know.

As in, mad?

As in, one spell short of eight.

One of the eight spells is missing?

Well, that's rather badly organised.

Certainly extremely dangerous.

So, where is it now?

Do think very carefully, Mr Spold.

I really wish I did know,

- Mr Trymon.

- Hmm.

Try breathing through this!

Dark in here, isn't it?

Fire's gone out.

Rincewind! Attaboy!

And you've brought the luggage.

No, it brought me.

It's amazing, isn't it?

Yes, if you like the physically impossible.

Well, I think it's just amazing.

Bit underpopulated, though.

Listen, do you think it could be

the home of the dragons?

- Don't be ridiculous! Dragons don't exist.

- All my life, I've wanted to see dragons.

Huh?

Whoa!

I think that we could...

I don't believe in them! They don't exist!

Psst. Psst!

- Psst!

- No, just dazed, actually.

Who said that?

Well, don't just lie there, pull me out!

What?

Come on, come on, pull me out.

You... You spoke!

I'm a magic sword.

You weren't

born with a mysterious birth mark

- in the shape of a crown, were you?

- Um, no.

No? Oh, just asking.

Were you with the other fellow?

Might have been.

It's just

the, uh, dragons got him,

and so I expect you'll be in a hurry

to slay the dragons

and rescue him

in a fantastic feat of derring-do!

No, not really, no.

Come on!

- Come on!

- Mmm?

Right, take a firm grip.

Ooh, that's good. That's good.

Could be worse.

This could have been an anvil.

Finally!

The dragon's headed hubwards!

Even if they did exist,

I'm not cut out for dragons.

Nothing to it.

I'll show you!

Right, I suggest we start

with the one in the trees.

- Over there.

- Oh!

No, you don't.

You see? There's nothing there.

Oh. Well, you can start

with her instead. Okay?

- Okay?

- I don't know how to be a hero!

No, obviously.

But I propose to teach you.

Look, I'll be frank,

I've worked with far better material

than you, but it's either that

or I'll chop your head off!

- I mean it.

- All right, all right.

Good boy.

There's an ambitious

wizard on the loose.

I think a certain degree of vigilance

would be in order.

Especially if he's talked to Trymon.

- RINCEWIND:
Any suggestions?

- Well, obviously, you attack.

RINCEWIND:
Oh!

Why didn't I think of that?

Because you're a defeatist.

On your marks,

get set,

go!

Got you! And again!

Ha, ha!

Did I ever tell you about the time

I was thrown into a lake?

Let's have a look at you, madam!

Where is the tourist?

He's been taken back to the Wyrmberg.

What is this Wyrmberg?

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