Comet Page #2

You're very pretty, but

you're shallow beyond belief.

Anyway, can I have your number?

- Okay, okay.

- What are you doing?

You just said all that sh*t.

Yeah, but it was just an observation.

And you ask my girl out in front of me?

Oh, sh*t. Sorry, my mistake.

I see that now. I shouldn't have

done that. She's way too beautiful.

What?

No. I just should be more of a realist.

I should know that

I'm a C, maybe a C plus

in the winter time when I

can cover up my body more.

And even though you're a douche bag,

you're still incredibly attractive.

So maybe it's only fair you two pair.

- What? It rhymed.

- She's right, it rhymed.

Let's... Can you just put me down?

This is embarrassing now for everyone.

Okay. Come on, Josh. The line's moving.

Let's... Let's just go. Come on.

- Oh, yeah...

Gotta get a good seat.

The only thing wrong with you

is you're chicken sh*t. That's all.

- That's not the only problem.

- Let's go. Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

- One of many.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

I shouldn't have talked.

That's when I get into trouble.

I'm sorry I made fun of your

sandwich bag. I didn't mean to.

Actually, that's not true, I did.

Sorry. I'm really nervous.

It's okay. I'm sorry he bothered you.

I was not nervous because of him.

Okay. Bye.

She is so...

Beautiful.

Kim, come on, the wedding's in an hour.

You gotta get ready.

So... have you ever dreamt about me?

- Dreamt about you?

- Yeah.

You know, in the 700

plus days we've dated.

You ever dreamt about me?

So... Yeah, of course.

Oh, yeah? Like, uh, sex dreams?

At first, but then we had

sex, and that went away.

Ha. Is that how you

really wanna say that?

So I was all hot to trot for you

or whatever in the beginning.

And now, you know, reality has set in.

But that's not what I

meant. I meant like...

A dream, like ambiguous depictions

of what we are or were, or could be.

Stuff like that.

Can you stop already? I got it.

Why, I oughta...

- Oh, hey, whoo.

Put that down. You're

gonna hurt yourself.

- What are you doing?

- I'm a give you what for.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

You good?

Okay. Okay.

That was fun.

Does it bother you that

you don't make me happy?

- Always with the jokes.

- I'm serious.

Seriously? You went from sex

dreams to not being happy?

False. I wasn't talking

about sex dreams, you were.

And secondly, I'm a girl,

so yes, we non-sequitur.

- That's a little cliched.

- I want a baby.

Point taken.

Seriously. Don't you want a baby?

Someday, sure.

But let's burn that bridge

when we get to it, okay?

See? Not making me happy.

How do you do that? How do you do that?

Oh, my God. She's beautiful.

She's beyond beautiful.

And she's real.

She seems funny, too.

And there's a hint of

crazy, I can feel it.

Beautiful, crazy, and funny.

Jesus Christ. She's perfect.

It's really annoying. Really...

That's two near collisions

for you now in a row.

Well, at least this one's nonfatal.

Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Bye.

- Uh, yeah.

What the f*** was that?

Wait. Wait.

What are we doing?

Are we in a chase scene

now? What are we doing?

Wait, just stop for a second.

So I thought I saw

somebody, a friend of mine

behind you coming over.

So that's why I turned

around and waited.

So what's the big deal?

It wasn't because you were watching me?

Because it looked like

you were kinda watching me.

No, it was because of a friend

that was behind you.

So they're not there now obviously.

Besides, you were being weird.

You were talking to yourself.

What were you saying anyway?

You say "so" a lot.

It's really annoying.

So...

Are you trying to make this awkward now?

- It feels awkward now.

- Awkward feels good to me.

And awkward feels awkward to me.

That's a little on the

nose, don't you think?

I'm not trying to f*** you.

If that's what you're

worried about, I mean.

I'm not gonna ask you out

because I don't believe in love.

I think all relationships

deteriorate into hate

indifference or... Well,

yeah, those two things.

My parents have been

together for 32 years.

- And they're happily in love.

- No, they're not.

- Yes, they are.

- No, they're not.

If they haven't divorced by now

probably means they've

just surrendered to the fact

that being apart isn't much

better than being together.

You know, the lesser of two evils.

Trust me, it's like an emotional

holocaust between your parents right now.

They probably have lukewarm

feelings about you too.

I'm Dell, by the way.

So, no offense, but I have

a-a thing about shaking hands.

Oh, my God. You are a little crazy.

That's great.

- You're not impressing me.

- I disagree.

You know, you should stop trying

to sound so smart all the time.

You just wind up sounding really dumb.

It's just I realized why

you date guys like that.

You have terrible taste in

men because you're superficial.

You're fooling yourself in the hopes

of finding something redeemable.

It's because of love.

That's your blind spot.

You gotta give up on that.

Wow. Okay.

Well, I thank you for

your insight, stranger

but I actually believe love is real.

I'm gonna go now.

Wait.

Can I still get your...

- Hello, boyfriend.

- Hey.

Hey, listen, Roxette's on,

and the good part is coming up.

Can I call you back?

Wait-wait, I just have to tell you

something more important really quick.

You know that book I've been reading,

"The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins...

Leave the winter on the ground

There's this fascinating

part I just read about memes.

He basically says that ideas are like

genes that self-replicate and mutate

like a cultural form of evolution...

Touch me now, I close my eyes...

I was thinking how that

applies to us, you know?

The idea of us, how we've

really mutated and evolved...

And it's a hard winter's day...

Right? because you think about it, we were

just dumb, young kids when we first met.

And then we broke up, got

back together, blah blah blah.

And now, we're this really

mature, loving couple

who's grown respect and

admiration for each other.

You know what I mean?

Kimberly?

You hung up on me, didn't you?

But it's over now

From the moment we touched

Until the time had run out

Yeah

Well, maybe you could.

Well, because I'd like her

to be at the best place.

Well, then maybe you can

introduce me to the head guy

at the cancer immunology lab.

Because I've taken an

interest, that's all.

Yes, mom, I meditated.

I meditate before every

date, but it didn't help.

Face facts, no one thinks

I'm special but you.

Well, I'm still technically on it.

But it's not working out, trust me.

He called himself a Bob Dylan song

and then proceeded to call

me a Britney Spears song.

I don't know what it means

either, but it sounds insulting.

No, not him. Uh, the one

with glasses, mustache.

Looks like a child trafficker.

Yeah, yeah, that's the one.

Well, if I...

I gotta go. I gotta go.

Can I ask you a serious question?

Do you think I have

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