Comet Page #7

Sir...

Did you damage the bathroom

about thirty minutes ago?

Well, I'm obviously going

to tell you that I didn't.

- Sir.

- What?

I'm gonna have to ask you

to get off at the next stop.

Don't let me find you

on here after Chico.

Okay.

- You got me?

- Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

I don't even wanna ask.

Looks like our little

tryst is about to end.

Get off at Chico with me, please.

We can have an hour to two hour talk.

And then if you want, I'll get

you another ticket to Portland.

An hour to two hour talk?

That's a long time, Dell.

Well, I'm not meeting anyone so.

Wait, what?

There's no... girl.

So, wha... what was this?

Just another one of your

stupid mind games, Dell?

Why did you lie? And what

happened to your hand?

You're always hiding things!

I'm sitting somewhere else.

Now, listen, wait...

No, no. Stop, stop, stop.

I'm sorry. I lied because I

thought it'd make it easier, okay?

- You thought it'd make it easier?

- Yeah.

You thought it'd make

what easier exactly?

- Talking to you.

- Why would it make it easier?

Because I didn't think you'd talk to me

if you knew I was trying to get you back.

So what was this? Is this

a plan to win me back?

Yes, it was. It was a whim

that turned into a plan.

How did you even know

I was on this train?

Because I've... I've...

I've stalked you.

You could've called, Dell.

- You haven't talked to me in a long time.

- I know.

You have my phone

number, you have my e-mail

but you haven't contacted

me once, not once in months.

Just... Look, I know a

great public library in Chico

where we can talk. We can

talk about all of this.

You wanna go to a

public library to talk?

That seems counter-intuitive.

Well, they have a talking area.

You happen to know of a public

library in Chico with a talking area?

Yeah.

First, answer my question.

How come you never proposed?

Come on, Kim, you broke up with me.

How come you didn't fight for me?

It felt like the end

of days when you left.

I ate Ramen for months.

I had a huge sodium imbalance.

I barely got through it.

I didn't think I could do it again. Felt

like my f***ing world was gonna blow.

So me leaving you constitutes

your world blowing up?

Yes. It does actually.

Next stop, Chico.

Please, come on.

I want you to do this.

Why wouldn't you want this forever?

I'd like for once to understand

why you wouldn't want this always.

It's always as scary.

There's a finality to it.

I just don't ever want you

to feel like a limitation.

Okay, let me go a different way with it.

Why are girls so scared of cockroaches?

Cause you think they're gonna

hurt you even though they can't.

Just like I'm afraid

"always" will hurt me.

- They're both irrational.

- False on so many fronts.

Why?

Girls are afraid of cockroaches

because they're gross

and they carry disease,

proven by the fact that

they were one of the biblical plagues.

Also, they also love to

lay eggs in your vagina.

Secondly, it's not

irrational to think that

commitment can hurt you...

Because it can.

Know that when a steal

a girl's twenties...

It's dangerous business, buster.

You're officially on

notice, Mr. Pink Lighter.

- Duly noted, Mrs. Pink Lighter.

- Nope, can't call me that.

You don't want to marry me, remember?

I didn't say that.

Where's my phone?

Where's my phone?

Where's my f***in' phone?

Why don't I call it?

Why are you acting like that?

- Like what?

- Uncomfortable.

In the two years we've known each other

I've rarely seen you uncomfortable.

I... I'm not.

You are.

You're hiding something from me.

Ah, God, you just got

too stoned, Kimberly

And I thought we were going

after your last cigarette.

- What're you doing?

- What're you hiding?

- You know something?

- There's no "something. "

You just got too high.

You best motherfucking

believe there's a something.

There's always a something.

Okay? This is not the

first time I've felt that.

- Felt what?

- You...

Saying something like you've slipped.

I didn't slip...

Like a cartoon character

on a banana peel.

You know what? You're actually

starting to freak me out.

There's nothing going on.

Well, it's about time you're freaked.

Okay. I hate always feeling like

the freak in this relationship!

Why're you doing this?

Because there's something

you're not telling me.

Okay. I know you, and I know

when you get uncomfortable.

And it's so rare that I've formed

an acute discomfort detector on you.

Now, are you gonna tell me what

it is or are you going to force me

to be late to my own annoying

friend's Louis L'Amour

goddamn western-themed wedding?

Kimberly, let's not do

this. This is paranoia.

Hey. Kim.

Look at me.

Keep looking.

You're right. You're right.

There is something I've

been wanting to tell you.

In the dream, I told you

I wanted to be with you.

I wanted you to leave Jack and

to walk out the door with me.

Wow.

- Do you feel that?

- What?

Okay, calm down. Maybe

you just need some air.

Let's go up to the rooftop.

So, what else happens in this dream?

Do I... Do I go with you?

All happily ever after and the like?

Or do I slap you and

tell you to be gone.

I don't know, actually. We

were looking at each other

and I went to kiss you

and before our lips touched, I woke up.

What?

Maybe I never saved

you that night we met.

Maybe you did die, hit by that car.

And this is just some afterlife fantasy

playing out in your head.

- What?

- Something feels weird.

Remember how I used to love

flipping the pillow over

to feel the cold side?

Yeah.

That's what our relationship felt like.

Constant tossing and turning

looking for that perfect balance.

Sometimes it was there,

and other times...

I know, I know.

You always expected us to break up.

Why was that?

Is that because of your dumb

five-minutes-from-now rule?

You know, after we stopped talking

the five-minute rule started shrinking.

It went to four minutes, to

three, then two, then one...

Let's go up to the rooftop. Come on.

I thought my unconscious was trying

to tell me something, you know.

By dreaming that dream a few nights ago.

Coming here, talking to you.

That might close the

gap, that last minute.

Or...

Or none of this is really happening.

This could still be your dream.

Dum dum dum

F***!

What? What happened?

F***in' bird carcass on my windshield!

What? Okay. Slow down,

tell me what's going on.

I'm saying a f***ing bird just

committed suicide on my windshield!

What? In the middle of our conversation?

What is our conversation

have to do with anything?

It must mean something.

It must mean that the... that the...

Maybe the bird was

commenting on our situation.

Commenting?

You think this is commentary?

Definitely, I mean, it's

something, the universe

cosmos, all that, via the

bird, sent us a signal.

Yeah.

Okay.

I want you to listen to me

very, very carefully. Okay?

Okay, you're gonna be mean. Aren't you?

On this already horrible call,

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