Comrade X Page #5

LIZZA VINESCHKA?

WELL, LIZZIE WILL DO.

I TAKE IT YOU'RE SPENDING

THE NIGHT HERE, LIZZIE,

PROVIDING:

I'M NOT TATTOOED.

OH, YES.

UNDER THE SOVIET,

MARRIAGE IS THE SAME

AS ANYPLACE ELSE.

ONLY SHORTER.

IT IS LIKE GOING INTO

PARTNERSHIP WITH SOMEBODY

AND OPENING:

A STORE.

IF BUSINESS IS BAD,

STORE CLOSES.

WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT'S WHAT?

OK, LIZZIE.

YOU WIN.

GET BACK:

TO YOUR CORNER.

STOP! PLEASE! PLEASE!

OLGA MILANOVA!

THEODORE YEKHUBITZ!

MY HERO!

HELLO. GIVE ME

THE BARROOM.

COMRADE, THIS IS

OLGA MILANOVA.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

BARROOM? SEND ME UP

A BOTTLE OF KUEMMEL.

YEAH. ROOM 310.

THOMPSON SPEAKING.

SHE'S MY SERGEANT.

WE'RE IN THE SAME WOMEN'S

PARACHUTE DIVISION.

SHE'S GOT 8 MEDALS

FOR JUMPING.

SHE'S GOING TO GE ANOTHER ONE IN A MINUTE.

YEAH, HELLO.

HELLO? WHO IS THIS?

NO, NO, NO!

I DON'T WANT THE KREMLIN.

I WANT KUEMMEL-

A BOTTLE OF KUEMMEL.

EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

I'VE HAD A HARD DAY.

WOULD YOU MIND:

IF I RETIRED?

COMRADE MILANOVA,

I WOULD LOVE YOU TO STAY,

BUT WE ARE ONLY:

MARRIED AN HOUR,

AND WE'RE NOT YE ACQUAINTED.

WHOO! YOU'RE MARRIED! MY

CONGRATULATIONS, COMRADE!

YOU DID NOT BRING

YOUR PARACHUTE.

THEN HOW WILL YOU GO

TO THE PARADE TOMORROW?

I'M NOT PARADING.

WE'RE LEAVING FOR AMERICA

ON A SECRET MISSION.

OOH! PROPAGANDA.

SABOTAGE.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

MAY STALIN CONQUER.

STALIN:

WILL NOT FAIL.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING

FOR A BRIDE, MR. THOMPSON.

I WOULDN'T HAVE FALLEN

ASLEEP THIS AFTERNOON.

I, TOO, KNOW HOW

TO SERVE RUSSIA.

GOOD-BYE, COMRADE.

I WONDER WHAT I'D GE IF I ORDERED SCOTCH.

PLEASE ORDER NOTHING. WE

HAVE EVERYTHING WE WANT:

YOUTH, IDEALS, AND

A CAUSE TO FIGHT FOR.

OH. SO YOU DID

BRING YOUR PARACHUTE.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

WHAT IS WRONG.

THAT NIGHTGOWN.

YOU DO NOT LIKE:

NIGHTGOWNS?

WELL, THAT ONE WORRIES ME

A LITTLE BIT.

I MUST ASK YOU:

TO EXPLAIN.

I THOUGHT WE WEN OVER ALL THAT.

I TOLD YOU:

A FEW HOURS AGO:

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH

COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA.

I'M NOT MAKING

PROPAGANDA NOW.

I'LL SAY

YOU'RE NOT.

I'M NOT THINKING

OF MYSELF.

PERSONALLY, NIGHTGOWNS

MEAN NOTHING TO ME,

BUT YOU'VE GO WORK TO DO,

AND IT'S IMPORTANT THA YOU START OUT RIGHT.

CHARM, BEAUTY,

APPEAL-

THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE

GOING TO SPREAD COMMUNISM

IN THE NEW WORLD.

WE BOTH AGREED:

ON IT.

HERE. PUT THIS ON.

I AM GOING TO SPREAD

COMMUNISM IN THIS?

LIKE A HOUSE AFIRE.

NOW GO ON.

YOU GOT A JOB TO DO.

DO IT RIGHT.

I'M OBEYING YOU

BLINDLY, COMRADE.

DON'T WORRY. I'M RUNNING

THIS PROPAGANDA UNIT.

WHAT A TROUSSEAU.

IT'S A LITTLE ON THE

REACTIONARY SIDE.

I FEEL A LITTLE CONFUSED,

BUT I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.

COME HERE.

I WANT TO:

ASK YOU SOMETHING.

I FOUND THIS:

IN YOUR SUITCASE.

A WONDERFUL FACE,

ISN'T IT?

YEAH. WHO IS IT?

BASTAKOFF.

YOU DON'T SAY?

HIS EYES:

ARE SO SENSITIVE...

AND HIS MOUTH-

LIKE A SAINT.

YEAH. SAINT RUSSIA.

SO GENTLE AND YE SO FULL OF IDEALS.

TO SEE HIM:

IS TO LOVE HIM.

UH, WHERE DOES HE LIVE?

NUMBER 15

LEMSKE PROSPECT.

YOU THINK:

HE'D BE THERE NOW?

IT IS A LITTLE LATE TO GO

CALLING, EVEN ON BASTAKOFF.

NO, NO. NEVER TOO LATE

TO CALL ON A SAINT.

MAYBE YOU COULD:

WRITE HIM A LETTER.

HE LOVES TO GET LETTERS.

YOU MUST BE TIRED-

ALL THAT WALKING.

I'M USED TO WALKING.

YOU JUST TURN OU THE LIGHTS AND RELAX

SO YOU WON'T HAVE A CHARLEY

HORSE IN THE MORNING.

I'LL BE BACK

AS SOON AS I CAN.

ALL I WANT IS A FEW WORDS

WITH BASTAKOFF.

MAC! I JUST HEARD YOU GOT A VISA

AND ARE LEAVING IN THE MORNING.

OH, SWEETHEART,

AM I GLAD I FOUND YOU.

LOOK, DARLING, YOU STILL

LOVE ME A LITTLE-

NOT MUCH-JUST ENOUGH TO

DO ME ONE FAREWELL FAVOR?

I WAS JUST GOING OU FOR A BREATH OF AIR.

LET'S GO DOWN TO THE BAR.

NO! I CAN' TALK TO YOU THERE.

I'VE GOT MY HANDS

ON A TERRIFIC STORY.

YEAH? WHAT IS IT?

SOMEBODY TRIED TO ASSASSINATE

VASILIEV THIS AFTERNOON.

THEY SHOT HIM IN THE HAND. WORST LUCK.

YOU'LL BE OUT OF THIS

DOGCATCHER'S COUNTRY TOMORROW-

LOOK, JANE,

I WANT YOU TO MEET-

I WANT YOU TO FILE THE STORY

FOR ME WHEN YOU GET OUT.

SHUT UP, WILL YA? I'M TRYING

TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE.

YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH

AFTER TOKYO!

I WANT YOU TO MEE MY WIFE, YOU DOPE!

WHAT WIFE?

WHOO! WHERE

ARE MY GLASSES?

OH, THAT. I THOUGH YOU'D BE PACKING.

I GOT MARRIED.

MARRIED? OH, NOW, MAC,

THAT'S GOING TOO FAR.

WHY SHOULD I SAY I WAS

MARRIED IF I WASN'T?

I SPEAK 5 LANGUAGES!

HOLY IKE!

YES.

SHE'S VERY SMART.

TO MARRY:

McKINLEY B. THOMPSON?

THAT'S NOT SMART,

THAT'S WIZARDRY.

CONGRATULATIONS, MY DEAR.

I DIDN'T THINK IT COULD BE DONE

WITHOUT A POLICE WARRANT.

YOU ARE:

SWEETHEART?

RELAX, HONEY.

I'M ONE OF THE ALUMNAE.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

ME NEITHER. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD

IT. IT JUST HAPPENED.

A GEISHA GIRL:

WITH BOWLEGS,

AND I GOT THE JOB

OF MADAME BUTTERFLY,

NOSE AGAINST THE WINDOW.

WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU IS THA WE'RE GREAT OLD FRIENDS, THAT'S ALL.

I DO NOT EXPECT A MAN OF YOUR

AGE TO BE ENTIRELY INNOCENT.

HAVE YOU KNOWN:

EACH OTHER LONG?

NO, BUT WE HAVE

THE SAME IDEALS.

I'M GLAD OF THAT.

THEN I CAN SPEAK FREELY.

COME ON. THAT'S ENOUGH.

WE'LL TAKE A WALK.

ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT?

DON'T BE SILLY.

YOU CAN TRUST ME.

I WON'T LET ON TO THE

BRIDE WHAT A RAT YOU ARE.

THAT SHE MUS FIND OUT FOR HERSELF.

I'M SURE YOU WON'T MIND YOUR HUSBAND

DOING SOMETHING FOR ME, WILL YOU?

PARTICULARLY SOMETHING THAT WILL HELP

KNOCK THE PROPS OUT OF THIS PHONY SOVIET.

WAIT A MINUTE!

THIS WHAT?

DON'T GET NERVOUS, HONEY.

WE'RE ALL SAFE INSIDE THIS ROOM.

WE CAN TAKE OUR IDEALS OU AND PLAY WITH THEM.

WILL YOU CUT IT OUT?

LET'S GO DOWNSTAIRS.

I'LL ONLY STAY A MINUTE.

THE REASON I WANT MAC

TO DO THIS FOR ME

IS NOT ONLY BECAUSE

WE'RE OLD FRIENDS,

BUT HE AND I ALSO HAVE

THE SAME IDEALS.

WE BOTH HATE RUSSIA

IN SPADES.

THAT'S A LIE.

I LOVE RUSSIA.

WHAT?

IT'S PURELY JEALOUSY.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO HER.

WHO'S JEALOUS OF WHAT,

YOU FATHEAD?

YOU'VE BEEN HOUNDING ME EVER

SINCE I BROKE YOUR HEART. GET OUT.

BROKE MY HEART?

WHAT IS THIS?

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL

HER THAT I'M NOT A COMMUNIST.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO

BE A COMMUNIST?

OH HO HO HO!

OK, OK.

NOW BEAT IT.

JUST A MINUTE!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

HONEY, MY NAME'S JANE WILSON,

AND I'M QUEEN OF THE MAY.

MINE IS THEODORE YEKHUBITZ, AND

I WANT TO INVESTIGATE SOMETHING!

GET BACK IN BED.

YOU'LL CATCH COLD.

YOU KEEP QUIET!

YOU'RE SURPRISED TO HEAR

HE'S A COMMUNIST?

HE'S NOT THE NOBLE SOUL?

HE'S NOT BURNING WITH IDEALS?

OH, HO! THAT IS

THE LOWEST, DIRTIEST TRICK

I EVER HEARD OF ANYONE

PLAYING, EVEN ON A WIFE.

MAC, YOUR TECHNIQUE

MUST BE SLIPPING.

I NEVER KNEW YOU TO

STOOP TO POLITICS BEFORE.

NEVER MIND ABOUT MY STORY.

I'LL GET IT IN MYSELF.

WHERE ARE YOU:

GOING?

I'M GOING TO SEE

BASTAKOFF.

OH, NO. YOU'RE

TRYING TO ESCAPE.

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING

WHEN YOU PUT ON YOUR TIE.

GIVE ME THAT KEY.

NO. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A TALK

WITH ME, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

I DON'T TALK TO LADIES WHO STAR YELLING. IT'S A RULE I'VE GOT.

BE A GOOD GIRL:

AND GIVE ME THAT KEY.

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