Comrade X Page #6

I WANT THE TRUTH.

YOU'RE NOT A COMMUNIST?

WHO SAID I WAS?

YOU TRAITOR!

I SEE THROUGH YOU.

YOU ARE TRYING TO STEAL

ME AWAY FROM RUSSIA!

IS A CAPITALISTIC

PLOT!

PUT THAT CHAIR DOWN

BEFORE I GET SORE.

NOBODY'S TRYING

TO DO ANYTHING.

YOU GOT A POSTCARD.

MAIL IT IN.

YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ME

BETRAY RUSSIA? I SPIT ON YOU!

GET BACK IN BED:

AND BEHAVE YOURSELF.

MY LAST HUSBAND IS IN THE

LUBYANKA PRISON ROTTING AWAY.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GOING,

TO ROT AWAY BESIDE HIM.

LISTEN, BLINTZE BRAIN, PUT THA CHAIR DOWN, OR I'LL CROWN YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'VE LOST MY HEAD.

I'M BEHAVING

LIKE A CHILD.

FINE WEDDING NIGH THIS TURNED OUT TO BE!

WHO ARE YOU:

CALLING UP, STUPID?

I'M CALLING

THE SECRET POLICE.

OH, YOU ARE, ARE YOU?

YES. YOU'RE A SPY. THEY

WILL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.

AH!

OH, GET HER. SHE WANTS

TO WRESTLE, HUH?

SHUT UP! OW!

SHUT UP!

YOU MR. THOMPSON?

YEAH.

COMMISSAR VASILIEV

WISHES TO SEE YOU.

YOU ARE TO COME WITH ME

AT ONCE TO THE KREMLIN.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NO QUESTIONS, PLEASE.

YOU BRUTE!

WHO IS THIS LADY?

I'M HIS WIFE.

THEN YOU MUS COME WITH HIM.

TO THE SECRE POLICE? GOOD!

THAT'S WHERE

I WANT TO GO.

EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

I WILL GET DRESSED.

YOU HAVE NOT TIME.

I AM A MEMBER OF THE PARTY.

I CANNOT GO LIKE THIS.

YOU WILL COME AS YOU ARE. WE CANNOT WASTE

TIME ALLOWING YOU TO DISGUISE YOURSELF.

I'M A FRIEND OF VASILIEV'S.

YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT'S UP?

YOU WILL FIND OU SOON ENOUGH, MR. THOMPSON.

OH, EXCUSE.

COMRADE, I WISH

TO MAKE A STATEMENT!

I'M A MEMBER

OF THE PARTY.

WORKERS' COUNCIL 72,

DIVISION "B,"

THEODORE YEKHUBITZ,

STREETCAR MOTORMAN.

MR. THOMPSON,

YOU ARE TO GO INSIDE.

DON'T BE ROUGH

ON HER, PAL.

THIS IS HER BRIDAL NIGHT.

SHE'S A LITTLE CONFUSED.

HEY, COMMISSAR.

COME ON OUT.

IT'S ONLY ME.

WHEN I CAME HOME

LAST NIGHT AT 3

THE MAN WAS WAITING

THERE FOR ME:

WELL! A RADIO!

THANKS FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT,

COMMISSAR.

OH, HELLO, HOFER.

COME ON IN. JOIN THE PARTY.

WHERE'S

THE COMMISSAR?

RIGHT THERE.

HE'S INVISIBLE.

THERE'S A NEW

RUSSIAN INVENTION.

YOU RUB IT ON YOUR HAIR,

AND YOU DISAPPEAR.

OUGHT TO COME IN HANDY

IF YOU'RE A DETECTIVE.

YOUR JOKES, MR. THOMPSON,

FAIL TO AMUSE ME.

COMMISSAR VASILIEV!

YOU'RE

A FINE PAL, COMMISSAR,

GETTING A GUY OU THIS TIME OF NIGHT.

MAY I SYMPATHIZE

WITH YOU, COMMISSAR,

ON YOUR DEPLORABLE

ACCIDENT THIS AFTERNOON.

PLEASE SIT DOWN,

GENTLEMEN.

AN EXIT VISA HAS BEEN

SIGNED FOR YOU, MR. THOMPSON.

WHEN DID YOU:

INTEND TO LEAVE?

ON THE 7:
00 PLANE.

WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?

I HATE TO SAY, COMMISSAR.

YOU'LL JUST GET SORE.

I'VE ASKED THE QUESTION.

OK. NOW,

NO HARD FEELINGS,

BUT I'M KIND OF LONELY TO

GET BACK TO GOOD OLD U.S.A.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

IF YOU WERE STUCK AWAY IN

NEW YORK WITH NOTHING TO DO

BUT TO SEE THE:

YANKEES PLAY BALL

OR STAY UP ALL NIGH DANCING IN SOME HOT SPOT,

YOU'D GET LONELY

FOR ALL THIS:

AND WANT TO GET BACK TO THE

KREMLIN AND THE SECRET POLICE.

WELL, THAT'S

THE WAY I FEEL.

DOES THAT BELONG

TO YOU, HERR VON HOFER?

NO.

YOU ARE:

INTERESTED IN IT?

I BEG YOU TO FORGIVE ME,

HERR COMMISSAR.

MY MIND WAS:

ON SOMETHING ELSE.

HAVE YOU EVER:

SEEN THAT BEFORE?

ALL RADIOS LOOK ALIKE

TO ME. IT'S GERMAN-MADE.

HOW ABOUT IT, HOFER?

SOMEBODY STEAL THIS FROM YOU?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT RADIO

BEFORE. I GIVE YOU MY WORD.

THIS IS NOT A RADIO,

HERR VON HOFER.

THIS IS:

A SECRET CAMERA.

NO!

YOU DON'T SAY?

WELL, WELL!

I TAKE IT THIS IS SOME

KIND OF EVIDENCE, HUH?

YES.

WHOSE IS IT? IF YOU'RE NO GIVING AWAY STATE SECRETS.

IT IS THE PROPERTY

OF COMRADE X.

THEN YOU'VE

CAUGHT HIM?

YES, WE'VE CAUGHT HIM.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, COMMISSAR.

THAT'S QUITE A FEATHER IN YOUR CAP.

YOU ARE PLEASED?

I ALWAYS LIKE TO SEE

A PAL MAKE GOOD, SURE.

ARE YOU GIVING US A STATEMEN ON THE SUBJECT TONIGHT?

YES.

THERE IS COMRADE

X FOR YOU, GENTLEMEN.

WHICH ONE:

IS COMRADE X?

YOU KNOW THIS MAN,

HERR VON HOFER?

YES. HE'S AN EMPLOYEE

OF THE HOTEL AMBASSADOR.

I KNOW HIM AS A VALET.

AND YOU?

LISTEN, COMMISSAR, I DON' WANT TO SPOIL YOUR PARTY,

BUT IF THAT'S COMRADE X, I'LL

EAT THE KREMLIN WITHOUT SAUCE.

TAKE IT EASY, VANYA. I'LL

STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT FOR YOU.

THIS FELLOW IS THE DUMBEST,

DOPIEST VALET IN ALL MOSCOW.

I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR MONTHS.

HE'S A POTATO-HEAD.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS,

COMMISSAR.

THIS SECRET CAMERA WAS FOUND

IN HIS ROOM, INSIDE HIS PILLOW.

DO YOU WISH TO MAKE A STATEMENT TO

THE PRESS, IVAN FEDOROVICH YEKHUBITZ?

YES. WHY NOT?

PROCEED.

I'M COMRADE X.

CONTINUE, PLEASE.

WHAT ELSE? UH...I'M

A TRAITOR TO RUSSIA,

AND I'VE WORKED

VERY HARD:

TO UNDERMINE THE SOVIET, AND, UM...

I'M COMRADE X.

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?

HE'S DRUNK.

I'M GLAD FOR OUR SAKES

IT WASN'T ONE OF US.

I'M NOT SO CERTAIN YET,

HERR VON HOFER.

YEKHUBITZ WAS UNDOUBTEDLY HIDING

THE CAMERA FOR SOMEONE ELSE,

AND YOUR JOINT SECRETARY REPORTS

THAT SHE SAW IT THIS MORNING

IN THE SUITE SHARED

BY YOU AND MR. THOMPSON.

WHO WAS YOUR ACCOMPLICE,

COMRADE X?

WHO WAS WHAT?

WHO HELPED YOU?

WHO HELPED ME? WHAT DO I NEED HELP FOR?

YOU'RE LYING. WE KNOW

YOU WERE IN LEAGUE

WITH ONE OF THE FOREIGN

CORRESPONDENTS.

NEVER, AS GOD

AS MY JUDGE.

THERE IS NO GOD.

THEN WHOEVER IS IN HIS PLACE,

LET HIM JUDGE, COMMISSAR.

IT'S THE SAME THING

TO ME, WHOEVER JUDGES.

COMMISSAR.

IT SEEMS YOUR DAUGHTER IS

OUTSIDE AND WISHES TO SPEAK TO ME.

WHAT? THAT IS

IMPOSSIBLE.

I HAVE NO DAUGHTER.

DO YOU WISH:

TO MAKE A STATEMENT?

COMRADE COMMISSAR, I AM

A MEMBER OF THE PARTY.

I HAVE SENT ONE:

HUSBAND TO PRISON

BECAUSE HE WAS:

A TRAITOR.

MY RECORD IS CLEAN.

YOU KNOW THIS MAN?

I KNOW HIM SINCE I WAS

BORN. HE'S MY FATHER.

I CAN BRING YOU WITNESSES

THAT I NEVER SAW HER BEFORE.

QUIET. PROCEED.

MY FATHER IS NOT COMRADE X, COMMISSAR.

I CAN PROVE IT.

YOU CAN PROVE IT?

I CAN PROVE IT, TOO!

THAT HANDKERCHIEF

PROVES IT.

I TOLD YOU I'D STRAIGHTEN

THIS OUT FOR YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE IT TO

ME AND KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT?

YOU KEEP SHUT! WHAT DOES I MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO ME?

I'M AN OLD MAN.

LOOK HERE, COMMISSAR-

DON' BE AN IDIOT, VANYA.

YOU SEEM VERY ANXIOUS TO

PROTECT YOUR VALET, MR. THOMPSON.

I'M ANXIOUS TO SEE ANYONE

GET A FAIR TRIAL, COMMISSAR.

VERY COMMENDABLE.

PROCEED.

WHAT WERE YOU SAYING

ABOUT THIS HANDKERCHIEF?

HA! THAT'S HOW I FOOLED

THE WHOLE POLICE.

LOOK HERE, COMMISSAR.

YOU JUST PUT THIS

HANDKERCHIEF OVER SOMETHING,

AND YOU WILL SEE.

LOOK. YOU SEE HOW

IT SHOWS THROUGH?

SOMEBODY ELSE:

OUTSIDE RUSSIA:

HAS A HANDKERCHIEF

JUST LIKE THIS ONE.

THEY PUT IT OVER

MY WRITING,

AND THEY ONLY READ WHA I WANT THEM TO READ.

THAT'S AN OLD TRICK

FOR SENDING CODE MESSAGES.

YES.

YES, I KNOW.

SIMPLE, BUT CLEVER.

HAVE A LOOK,

MR. THOMPSON.

YOU'LL SEE THAT CERTAIN WORDS

APPEAR THROUGH THE LINEN.

HMM.

WELL,

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

THAT'S VERY

INTERESTING.

LOOKS AS THOUGH YOUR TROUBLES

ARE ALMOST OVER, COMMISSAR.

ALMOST.

YOUR FATHER:

IS A STUPID MAN.

I HAVEN'T BELIEVED FOR A MINUTE

THAT HE ALONE IS COMRADE X.

I EXPECTED HIM TO TELL

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