Confessions Of A Shopaholic Page #3

You can start with a thousand words

on the effect of changing

interest rate on store card APRs.

Good.

You still have the label

on your new glasses.

What? Oh.

You took a job

at a savings magazine? You?

I know it sounds bad,

but it is, in fact,

part of a very structured plan.

Yeah, that's great,

but then in a lot of ways

it's kinda not great.

What do they call it

when an animal rights person

gets trampled to death by a cow?

I don't think there is a word for that.

"Ironic." Ironic

that Rebecca Bloomwood

is advising people

on how to handle money.

But I guess it would be nice

if my maid of honor

could afford her own dress.

- He asked?

- Yes!

Oh, my God!

You should've been there.

- How did he say it?

- Hey!

The, uh, credit limit

on your card was reached.

You know, I think I want my husband-

to-be to propose to me in Barneys.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Yes, you are.

- I just found the perfect book for you.

Control Your Urge to Shop,

with Garrett E. Barton.

That's me.

Do you find yourself

constantly drawn toward stores?

- Yes.

- Nope.

Does your heart quicken

when you see new merchandise

in neatly stacked piles?

- Yes! This guy's good.

- No.

Did you answer no to these questions

and are consequently in denial?

- Yes.

- No!

Did you just say "no" again?

- No.

- Yes.

Step one:
de-clutter your life.

Throw it all out.

Just box it up and toss it!

Simplicity and order

are your new watchwords.

Excuse me. Hello?

It's a fresh start calling.

And it's for you.

On your way to work,

ignore the siren call

of the store window.

Your new mantra is, "Do I need this?"

No.

What's this?

A thousand words

on store card APRs?

Which looks as if it's been copied

straight out of Money for Dummies.

No, I wanted a thousand words

on APRs from an angle.

Is that not an angle?

Not unless you call "head-on" an angle.

- No, I don't.

- Try it again.

- Remind me why I hired you.

- OK.

Rebecca?

Did you just type "good angles

on APRs" into Google?

Yes. I Googled.

- Am I fired?

- Get your coat.

You know these guys, right?

Comintex? Communications company?

Yes. Absolutely.

This year has been a year

of unparalleled growth

in the communications industry.

Overall, pal. Not in your company.

For us, at Comintex,

profits reflect that this has been

a year of acquisitions,

both of APL and of the Dutch

fiber-optic company, Zandak.

Neatly masking the 24 million in bonuses

- these guys paid themselves.

- Hmph. I know.

Now, what we have here, Rebecca,

is a situation in which someone

needs to be asking

some very hard questions.

- Absolutely.

- Put your hand up.

- What? No!

- Put your hand up.

I don't have hard-hitting questions.

- I'll give you questions.

- I'm gonna take notes.

- No, Put your hand up.

- I'm more of a student.

You'll be fine. Put your hand up.

Hello. Hi. Hello.

- He's not listening. He can't hear me.

- Louder. Stand up.

- Rebecca Bloomwood!

- ...should see a...

Hello.

- From. From. From. From.

- Hi, from Successful Saving.

It's a magazine.

We'll be taking questions

after the report.

Good. Uh...

- Ask him how much he earns.

- How much do you burn?

- Earn.

- Earn.

- Excuse me?

- Louder.

What do you earn?

- We'll take questions after.

- Why award themselves bonuses...

Why did you award

yourself bonuses...

- ...twenty-four million...

- ...of 23...

- Twenty-four. Million.

- ...billion...

- Million dollars...

- ...while investors lost eight percent?

...while your investors

lost eight percent?

As I said, I'll be happy

to answer questions...

Is that true?

A long pause and no answer.

- Long pause, no answer.

- No, no...

OK. You know why we did that?

Some kind of cruel initiation rite?

Listen to this.

"Security can mean different

things to different people.

For some, it's going to a party

wearing the right shoes.

This might leave you feeling

secure for an evening,

but have a crippling effect

on you in later life."

- I wrote that.

- You wrote that.

Now, what firms like Comintex

thrive on is an endemic lack

of public understanding.

They get away with murder because...

Maisie with a root beer and a $200

investment portfolio,

what does she know?

What does she actually know

about what those guys are doing?

What she's told.

And if the magazines

she looks to for answers

aren't asking the right questions,

it isn't good for Maisie.

I want you to tell the truth in a way

that Maisie can understand.

Now, go home,

write me an initial outline

and e-mail it to me by 3:00. OK?

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah. Nice!

You know, I just got a call

from Jeff Kanter at Comintex.

They're having

their stockholders' meeting.

- Yes, I sent someone.

- Yeah, you did.

A real find, actually, the girl I sent.

She's sparky, honest.

Exactly the type

that I was hoping to find.

I assume that's why Edgar West

got you to recruit me.

- Damn it!

- Ooh. Slice.

I hired you to fix the bottom line

of this magazine,

and we know the key to that

is advertising revenue.

Now, you hired me

to create a product that sells,

- not to sell a product.

- What if I'm with Edgar West.

We're playing golf, and he just turns

to me, sort of nonchalantly, and says,

"Hey, I'd like to know why

Luke Brandon decided to hire

a journalist who could damage the

commercial interests of Dantay-West."

- What do you think about that?

- I haven't, because she won't.

I feel like I've run a marathon.

They have Galliano!

They have Gucci half off,

Calvin Klein half off!

You'll get your turn, just be patient.

At every point

I will ask, "Do I need this?"

There's another entrance this way!

Well, these

cashmere gloves I need

as it is winter and I have... hands.

So that's all.

I'll buy these and these alone.

My gosh, Missoni!

Now walk away,

strong and frugal.

Oh, my God! Pucci boots.

Fifty percent off?

Do I need these?

Do I need these?

Do I need these?

No.

Jeannie, Pucci boots!

Uh, oh, I'm so sorry. I had 'em first.

But you put them down.

No, I know I did, but I saw 'em first,

so I'm gonna take 'em.

Then you took your hands off them.

Give me the boots,

and no one gets hurt!

Give me the boots.

Give me the boots!

Look! There's a sale on Burberry!

That's the oldest trick

in the book!

- Give 'em!

- Don't you tell me...

Give me the boots!

I waited in line all morning for this!

Ah! Ha-ha!

"Your store card is like

a 50 percent-off cashmere coat.

The first time you meet,

it promises to be

your best friend.

Until you look closely and

realize it's not real cashmere."

You've been ripped off.

Right. You get it? You get it.

- We get it. Now go away.

- Ha!

"Then, as winter comes,

you discover that your coat

isn't actually a friend at all.

You should have read the fine print.

Should look more closely

what you're getting into."

You should put a picture in that.

It's a present.

Haven't got 'round to filling it yet.

My mom bought me this exact one

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