Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber Page #4

I won't go hungry all|the time...

and could earn as much|money as you some day?

Hope to hear from you soon.

Love, Sabelo.

P.S. Can I call you mommy?

Look at that.|That's where my son lives.

Right there.|Yes.

You know what?|You want a treat?

I could be your mommmy.|Yeah, here you go.

There you go.|A treat for you.

You know what you'd make?

New shoes for Katya.

Good morning,|dear Sebastian.

We've a very busy|day ahead of us.

I need you to run down to the bookstore|and pick me up a copy...

of Running a Small Business|For Profit for my son.

I don't think so.

Do you know where|Sebastian is?

Say hello|to the real Sebastian.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for the cameras...

Katya, I'm dead serious.

Look, Sebastian...|darling...

You may be very good|at playing dress-up...

but you have no idea|with whom you are dealing.

What do you know|about advertising?

I know your position at Liquid requires|the least amount of work...

for the most amount of money.

And I also know you won't be|in that position much longer.

My cabana boy is trying|to take my job!

Can you imagine someone|so ruthless...

that they'd stab their|own mentor in the back?

If I remember correctly,|that's how you got your...

I'm not that worried about it.

I could eat the twerp|for lunch.

Speaking of,|let's take one.

Are we really spending the entire|lunch hour in the elevator?

He's bound to get on|at some point.

There's more|than one elevator.

Better odds than Vegas. Now|push four again. We're going down.

But I get motion sickness.

Isn't it easier to just|go to the fourth floor?

And do what? Wander about|aimlessly? That's so desperate.

And riding the elevator hoping|to run into him isn't?

I don't think you're one to|give advice there, Voodoo Queen.

Hello, fourth floor.

Are you okay?

I'm so embarrassed.

No, it's fine.|Can I get you anything?

That's okay. That tie|would make me sick too.

Thank you.

Free seats.

Excuse me.|Coming through.

Ditch the umbrella.|It is so last season.

No I can't. I don't want|to get my sutures wet.

Why would you do that?|Your pecs are fine!

They are not fine. One was a little|bit bigger than the other one.

I demand that you take 'Extreme|Makeover' off your Tivo.

You have developed body|dysmorphic disorder.

I do not!

Learn to love yourself and just stop|trying to be someone you're not.

-No you didn't!|-Yes I did.

-No you didn't, girl.|-Yes I did.

Teddy, darling, when did|you start working here?

Since I got skin cancer|at Dune.

I have a great plastic surgeon, if you|ever need to get a mole removed.

Thanks, but I can't afford|health insurance right now.

So Katya, I called the NEA.

They never got my book.

-What are you insinuating?|-Just drop it, Katya!

I can see right through you!

You think I want to be slinging|drinks my whole life?

You're so good at it! Don't fight that.|Now can we have two Rain-tinis?

-You're cut off.|-What?

You just lost|your drinking privileges.

What about me?

You're with her.

Thanks a lot. You see|what you just did?

-Sorry.|-I have major gossip!

-About who?|-Dove Greenstein.

My God!|Tell me everything!

I don't know. I'm not|one to spread rumors.

Give it up or I will tell him|about your working class past!

I thought you were|a princess from Korea?

I am!

Let's just say Dove has|a hairy little secret.

Dove not only is a brunette,|she's a virtual Sasquatch!

She has a standing appointment|every Thursday at noon!

She even gets her back done!

Are you thinking|what I'm thinking?

Blackmail the ape with|photographic evidence!

-It's like we share a brain.|-I know.

But you'll never get an appointment.|There's a waiting list.

Don't worry, darling. Where|there's a will, there's a Katya.

Okay Karino, Ciao.

Hello, darling. We'd like|to get our hair done.

Do you have an appointment?

No. Did I need one?

This is Arq. You need|one six months ago.

I'm sure you can|make an exception?

This is San Francisco,|sweetie. You're not my type.

You're up.

I'm sorry. You have to excuse|my friend. She's new in town.

Obviously.

But you and I both know|that a man in your position...

not's just going|to bend the rules...

I'm sorry, sweetie.|You're not my type, either.

-Now what?|-Plan B.

I don't think we've|actually been introduced.

I'm Katya Livingston.

Katya, my name is Geoffrey.|Very pleased to meet you.

I think we have|a cancellation, right now.

Look at that.

You know something maybe you|are my type after all.

This way.

-Thank you.|-No problem.

-Where are you doing in a smock?|-I'm having my eyebrows done.

This is about work!|Not primping!

But there's a six month waiting list|to get into this place.

If we're going to be undercover, we|should probably blend in here.

-Good point.|-Of course it is.

-She's undressing as we speak.|-There you go, sweetie. Good luck.

You're going to get some|work on your brows?

-Yes I am.|-Well I'm the receptionist...

but I'm also|the eyebrow specialist.

-Fantastic.|-Would you like me to work on you?

-I would.|-We're going to give you an arc.

Maybe do some tweezing|over here.

I'm going to pluck you|so good, poppy.

What are we waiting for?

Right here, baby.|This is my house.

-This is your house?|-You're invited.

We want to lighten the color of your|hair of your eyebrows a little bit.

I want to feature these eyes.

You have a beautiful face,|you know.

-Thank you.|-What was your name?

-Ferguson.|-Ferguson, that's a beautiful name.

That's fantastic.

Can we help you, miss?

I have a twelve o'clock|appointment.

It must be downstairs.|This is the VIP section.

I am VIP.

No, you're not.|You're black.

And VIPs are red.

I must've grabbed|the wrong smock.

-Color blind.|-Nice try.

My God.

Is he going|to go blind?

Go! Hurry.|I'll go with you.

-Somebody help me!|-Keep going.

You know what?

I'm totally fine. It was|my fault. I'm so sorry.

That was weird. I thought it was|burning. Well, I couldn't see...

Helga, is that you?

'Ja.'

Can we start with my back?

I'm feeling really sensitive|today. So, please be gentle.

I said gentle!

Anyway, did I tell you|about the...

party that I'm throwing...

It's going to be|totally insane.

My daddy's hired these Israeli army|guys to keep out the trash.

Seriously, Helga!

At this rate I won't be|able to wear my backless!

Say cheese!

Katya Livingston? What|the hell are you doing?

Getting photographic evidence.

How dare you!|Give me that photo.

Relax, darling. It hasn't|even developed yet.

What do you want?

An invite to the Royal Ball.

I already told you|we have none.

That's too bad. Good headline:|'missing link found!'

Fine.|You win.

Give me the Polaroid and|I'll give you the key.

Do you think|I was born yesterday?

We do it at the same time.|On three...

One...two...

On second thought,|I don't want to trade.

What? Why?

Because you can't blackmail someone|when their face isn't in frame.

Security!

You know what? Watch it,|I bruise easily.

Could this day|get any worse?

I'm so sorry.|Are you okay?

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