Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber Page #5

-Fine.|-I'm sorry, it's one of those days.

Tell me about it.

It's a nice Gucci.

Thank you.

Not only do you have|exquisite taste...

but you're possibly the most beautiful|woman I've ever seen.

Your lips...

eyes...

hair...

Where are you going?

It looks good.

Hello, ladies.

Gatekeeper, Nair will help|take care of that problem.

Katya! I just received|a phone call from Youth Aid.

Thanking me|for my contribution?

Not exactly.

You're not supposed to display|your wealth to Sabelo...

in such an ostentatious|manner.

Ostentatious? I was just trying|to bond with the little tyke.

But discussing|your sixfigure salary...

will only make him feel|discontented with his lot.

He lives in a shack with no air|conditioning, DSL, or Tivo!

I can't make him feel any more|discontented than he is!

Jenga!

Boring...

Dear Mommy...

thank you for the book on how|to run a small business.

I started making toy cars...

out of scrap metal.

Do you think San Francisco would|make a good export market?

And could you introduce me|to Lee lacocca?

I did corrupt|my little orphan!

Katya, could you come|in here, please?

What's the matter?

Cuddles died.

Who?

Cuddles... Cuddles...|my little new friend.

My little iguana.

How could he die?|He was so healthy.

But he was fine yesterday|when I was in here.

Before the accounting lady|came in right after.

So...

Khalua called.

They're extremely happy with|the unleash ya campaign.

Good for Katya.

And Rice-A-Roni.|How's that going?

Great. I've been|working day and night.

I even bought|a gown for the Clios.

Fabulous. I can always|count on your consistency.

Now, if you'll excuse me...|I have a funeral to arrange.

You've reached Katya. I'm out|doing something fabulous.

So I'll get back to you|when I'm bored, maybe.

Katya, this is Charles Fitz|calling, Eliza's attorney.

I don't usually|do these things.

But I'm doing it. So, give me|a call when you're 'bored'.

And I can promise you|a nice night out.

Give me a call. Talk to you|soon, hopefully. Bye.

Sorry, Charlie. I don't think|I'll ever be quite that bored.

I think that went well.

I can't believe you gave your|attorney my phone number!

Trust me, I think|you'll really like him.

I told you,|he's not my type.

He has two tickets|to the Royal Ball.

Maybe he is! Why didn't|you tell me sooner?

Because I want you|to like him for him.

What is more important?|True love or some party?

You know what, never mind,|don't answer that.

Charles, it's Katya|Livingston, Eliza's friend.

Listen, I got your message|and would love to meet.

How 'bout Wednesday night|at Mario's on North Beach?

Eight o'clock. Really|looking forward to it. Bye.

What are you doing?

I'm working. You should|really try that sometime.

Look, give it up, Sebastian.

While I was working on the|'Got Milk?' campaign with Lyle...

you were still doing|beer bongs in your frat.

Trust me, you are|no competition.

We'll just have|to see about that.

You do know that your name|is a hair product?

Just saying.

So, is that dinner?

No. Work.

What are you doing?|Why'd you stop the elevator?

I'm inviting you to dinner.

Really? I thought|you were taking me hostage.

If you come to dinner,|I'll start the elevator.

That's blackmail.

I prefer to call it|negotiation.

Okay, you win.

By the way, I'm Chuck.

Katya.

-Did you say Katya?|-Yes. It's French.

So, where do you want to go?

I know the perfect place.

Where are you taking me? Is this the|short cut to Postrio?

Postrio?|Not exactly.

So, where are we?

Bon appetit.

You're kidding, right?

Would I kid about hot dogs|in the park?

Besides, look around,|this place is beautiful.

And here I was thinking|you were an Armani wearing...

four star restaurant|kind of guy?

I am.

But I like this place.|It's special.

You know, I come here|to think sometimes.

I go to Gucci for that.

Different kind of thinking.

What can I get you?

Hot dog.|Ketchup, mustard, no onions.

Make it two.|And definitely no onions.

No problem.

Keeping your options open?

Thanks.

Thanks.

I can't believe|we actually got a table.

I hear there's a month long|waiting list for this place.

I know the maitre'd.

Very impressive.

I'm very well connected.

So, are you always this|extravagant on your first dates?

Are you calling this a date?

Actually, to tell you the truth, I've|sort of been off dating lately.

Really?|How come?

Bunch of disastrous|experiences.

I can't relate.

I'm kidding.

My ex-boyfriend wore a bunny|suit for his day job.

That's sexy.

Not so much, no.

Let's hear one|of your war stories.

Well, it's not like that,|actually...

I would date these women|who seemed amazing...

on paper.|I have my list.

But then it seemed like all I|was doing was dating a checklist.

Well, there's nothing wrong|with having high standards.

I know I do.

But I think it's what's not on|the list that I'm looking for.

If that makes any sense...

I guess.

Would you excuse me|for a second?

I just remembered I have|to make a quick call...

someone at work.

-Sorry about that.|-That's okay.

You got...

it's just mustard.

I guess it's better than|the foils in the hair.

But still somehow I wish|it had gone differently.

You want to make a wish?

I think I still have some|change left over for dessert.

Here.|Knock yourself out.

And that's what you call|making a wish?

Your eyes open, sort|of hap-hazard toss into the...

There's no feeling in that.

I mean you don't close your|eyes when you're making a wish?

It's not going to come true.

You're going to have|to do it again.

What?

What are you doing?

Well, the quarter's not|going to get itself, right?

You're crazy.

What if it's cold?

Well, I think|it's going to be.

I'm pretty sure it is.

Where's that quarter.

My wish already came true.

Dance with me?

I'd love to.

But I always adhere|to the dress code.

It's cold, put this on.

Miss...

Well, I guess I better|go inside...

before this officially|becomes a date.

Don't worry about it.|I've given up on dating.

-That was...|-Amazing.

What are you doing Wednesday?

I promise I'll take you|to a proper restaurant.

But first, there's|something you should know...

This Wednesday?

-Hot date?|-Hardly.

It's this dreadful set-up|through a co-worker.

I already committed.

-Listen, Katya...|-I know what you're going to say.

How could I possibly go on|another date after tonight?

Don't worry about it. I just|need a ticket to some ball.

Well, here's your jacket.

Good night, Chuck.

Good night, Miss Livingston.

Katya, it's Chuck.

We're on our date right now.

I don't think you realize|that I'm the guy...

that Eliza set you up with|Charles Fitz.

I thought it would be more|fun to leave you this message...

than to tell you in person.

I'm having a great time.

I can't wait to see you|Wednesday!

Sh*t!

Okay, I deserved that.

If you're trying to kill|yourself can I go with you?

Sure. There's plenty of rope|here, I'll tie you up too.

What's wrong?

What's wrong?|I'll tell you what's wrong.

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