Confetti Page #4

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It was really wonderful, you do know that?

I'm so proud of you.

Come on, let's go.

We'll see you later. Bye.

Bye.

- People don't like me, do they?

- Josef, people like you.

- Who?

- I like you.

- You don't count.

- Why not?

Well, you do count,

but you don't count in people who like me.

- Why not?

- Because you obviously like me.

Well, do you like me? I don't like me.

Maybe that's the real problem.

- Thank you, Dr. Freud.

- I'm just saying.

I have a lot more experience.

I mean, I went to counseling.

I'm not going to counseling.

Don't start.

I'm just saying if you'd stayed a bit longer,

we'd have answered some of these questions.

We're gonna get you in a positive space

right now. I don't feel that you are.

Know what we've got?

You want to hold that for a while?

Hold it.

Huh?

That's what we've got. We've got...

I won this ten years ago.

Hold this. Come on, hold it.

Look at me. Hnngh! Come on.

Come on, Josef, gimme that!

That's it!

- Hello, there!

- Gregory, how you doing? All right?

- Hello, Sam, how are you?

- Hi, hi.

- This is Jen, my sister.

- Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.

So if you two lovebirds

would like to flutter down with me.

- Do you want to come as well?

- Jen's coming as well.

Jen's really interested.

Jen's a professional choreographer...

- Professional dancer and choreographer.

- A choreographer?

She'd like to...

She's going to be choreographing the show.

- Oh.

- I've got loads of ideas, cos I've done loads.

You know, I've been dancing for 12 years,

so I've got loads of ideas worked out.

We're sorry about the other lady,

but Jen really wants to do it.

Well, we have the best dance choreographer

in the country. You do realize that?

I was just explaining...

Well, we were just explaining,

- I'm actually a professional choreographer.

- Oh, really?

- So we've kind of come up with a few ideas.

- Yeah.

And what we're kind of thinking is

we've kind of got it wrapped up, really.

I mean, I can show you a few...

I'm not quite sure what the ideas are

originally. I'm a bit new to this.

- Well, shall I...

- Can you explain what it is?

Cos I don't know that it is all wrapped up yet.

It's like, the theme that we've gone after,

right, is a kind of '30s and '40s musical.

- Right. Fred Astaire and all that.

- Exactly. Exactly.

- Who's the water woman?

- Oh, it's sort of like an Esther Williams style.

Oh, right, yes.

With hundreds of girls, and all of that.

Obviously a smaller version of that.

I mean, it's like... You know.

I just might as well hop up.

- Jen's worked some moves out.

- Right.

- Two rows of girls...

- Is she allowed on the stage?

...Busby Berkeley, all the tinfoil dresses.

And then it's like out,

the next girl out, the next girl out.

On the other side,

simultaneously, all at the same time,

out, next girl, out, next girl, out.

- Jen...

- And then, Matt and Sam can sink down,

and you know like

the dream ballet in Oklahoma!

Dream Laurey comes out,

me, same costume, wig.

- So I'm Sam.

- Jen...

You know, it just gives you an idea.

we do stuff like it on the ships all the time.

If she'd like to do it, then that's fine.

You don't need me.

- She is not...

- Do you like...

What do you think about the dream ballet?

Cos Sam, you know, physical dyslexia,

and that, she's going to be all nervous.

- What?

- Sorry?

- Well, Sam's got physical dyslexia.

- What's that?

Well, she's, like, clumsy.

- Clumsy? She can't dance?

- No, of course she can dance.

We did a lot of dancing as kids.

I mean, I did a lot of dancing.

I think it's great that we've got Jen here

cos she can play a really strong role in this,

but I really feel that we've got Jenny here,

who is an expert in choreography,

as opposed to a dancer,

and we should be using her like we said.

She's done cruise ships for years.

- Cruise ships, exactly.

- Who works out all the dances? She does.

- Right...

- Who's a professional dancer? She is.

- And this choreographer's not?

- All she wants to do

is help her sister on her wedding day.

Something wrong with that?

But this isnt just an ordinary wedding.

We've entered a competition.

- We've got to abide by the rules.

- It's her wedding day.

Yeah, and it's my wedding day as well.

It's my important day as well.

I'll be your sister.

Have you thought of that?

Jesus, every night.

I know you're stressed and tired

and you've been getting up really...

You know, I know you're working hard,

and I... and I'm totally amazed...

I'm about to get married in a competition.

Of course I'm stressed.

But you're being so lovely, and you're

really putting your heart and soul into it.

- Yeah, for you.

- And I know that. But they don't know that.

Yeah, but they should know it.

Why don't they know it?

Yeah, because they've not met...

They've not met me? I've lived with

your flippin' mum for nine months.

- They will see it, they will.

- Christ!

All I'm saying is that you need to go

and be a bit... Do a bit of diplomacy.

- Oh, yeah, I will.

- You know.

But I love you and I'm completely with you

and I'm totally, day by day,

I'm just amazed at how wonderful you are.

And, and...

I'm so pleased to be marrying you.

I come down the aisle,

you're waiting at the altar,

in your top hat and tails, with Snoopy,

you know, doing the sway, whatever.

I come down, you know, shuffling down

the aisle, whatever. In time, hopefully.

And then meet you at the altar.

The other question that I'm worried about

as well is who's going to take me down there?

What about your dad?

I don't... I...

You know, I'm not sure

if he's gonna be there, to be honest.

At the moment

it doesn't look like he'll be there.

- Why?

- Well, because he's obviously...

- I haven't invited him, Mum hasn't...

- Do you not want him...

I'd like him to be there,

but obviously I'm not in a position to...

To invite your dad to your wedding?

I'm not in a position to...

I'm not in a position to... to do that.

You do want him there, don't you?

All right, your dad being at your wedding

is more important than anything else.

Or that your family being at your wedding

is more important than getting the song right.

I think your mum's going to have

to lump it for four hours of her life.

Feel this bit. That's it. Out.

And run to each other, and round.

And turn out.

And back. Hold his face.

- Not quite like that.

- Should I hold...

Where's Snoopy's bit?

Where's... We haven't done any of the music.

It's not all, it can't be this, surely, you know?

Cos we've got a thing. La, la.

Not that, it's bigger.

Snoop...

I can do that bit. I can do the twiddly bit.

That's, er, not good. But...

That, I mean, I thought that could be the big...

That's... great.

"Steel III", it's called. "Steel III."

Still ill, "Steel III". There's lots...

- But what's it got to do with the wedding?

- Shining.

Is that what you think I am?

I'm a girl on the cover of a porno magazine?

With a steel tongue?

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