Confetti Page #7

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- I'm sorry, but...

- Keep going!

- One, two...

- He's too close to me.

- Up, two, three, four. And up...

- For God's sake, Dave, do me a favor.

...and over, and over.

- I'm trying my best.

- How can anyone be so insensitive?

- You punch me in the back of the head.

- I'm not Fred Astaire.

- Pushing me.

- I'm not Ginger Rogers.

And if you're not pushing me,

I can feel you making me lose me balance.

Chris, there's only a little bit of room.

We've all got to...

All right. What I'm saying is, he's standing

right next to me, bish, bash, bosh.

- It's very hard.

- I'm doing my best.

- We've all got to try...

- If you were a bit more sensitive.

And...

- Hi.

- Hi, guys.

What's happened?

What's happened to your face?

The nose job. The nose job.

This is just protecting it.

- It's next week!

- How long's it on for?

- It's gonna be fine.

- Don't worry about the timing.

We're not worried about this any more.

I'm only worried because I had to pay for it.

Right. Cliff Richard?

- Very possibly.

- What do you mean, possibly?

He's out of the country,

but he said if he can get back, he will,

and if not he's got somebody he'll send

who is more like him than he is.

- So that's...

- Big ball? The big ball?

- We've got you a big ball.

- Where is it?

- It's arriving on the day.

- On the day?

- It's 1,000 a day.

- How many, erm, how many ball boys?

- Six.

- Or possibly even eight.

Choreographer?

We're still talking to her,

we're still talking to her.

It's just that we've got so many weddings...

If we can get a shape, right?

We haven't really got the budget

for a choreographer, but...

Listen to me. If we can get a shape to it,

on the day we can get her in, hopefully,

we're talking to her, we can get her in,

and she can tidy it up at the end.

She's busy with 42 dancers

in the other wedding.

She is the choreographer,

and the choreographer...

- Choreographs.

- Dance pieces.

And provides ideas.

- Yes, but...

- Provide ideas.

No, no, that's what couples do

who want to get married.

- We have given our ideas!

- Where have your ideas been?

- We gave you ideas.

- We wanted ball boys,

we wanted you to arrive at a net,

we wanted you in Edwardian clothes,

- and everything was thrown out.

- No, you didn't. When have... What...

We came to you at your club and said:

"Entrance of ball boys

to prepare your arena for you."

It's not our fault that you don't

have enough friends to bring along

who can do these things for you.

- F*** you!

- Oh, no, please...

- No, we have friends!

- Well, where are they?

F*** off about the friends.

This is not about friends.

- Of course it is. On the day, we need people...

- They can't make it.

Her family are from Canada.

Know how far away that is?

We can't afford it cos we've

had to spend all our money on her nose.

Thanks very much.

Oh, Arch, come on, don't be silly.

Come on, don't be silly.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, come on. It's not your fault.

I don't like him shouting...

Oh, come here. Come here.

You silly sausage. Silly sausage.

It's not your fault though.

Come on, my big bear.

Don't be silly. Come on.

Don't be silly.

Oh, they're coming back.

Come on, don't let them see you like this.

Why not?

They just think I'm a stupid puff anyway.

Don't be stupid.

I'm the puff, you're the straight man.

Don't be silly.

- I'm sorry.

- It's OK now.

I just wonder how long

before she gets sick of me, really.

Before she, um...

You know. Especially if we don't win the

competition, I've got nothing to offer her.

I'm at the end of my tennis career, and...

- OK.

...I've got no money,

and I don't know whether,

you know, whether in a year's time

she'll still want to be married,

you know, if I haven't

provided anything good for her,

or, you know,

if I'm not winning any tennis matches.

They're under huge pressure,

these, you know, these people,

to sort of have the perfect wedding,

and they...

So it's natural that they should

take that out on us a bit, I suppose.

You know, if we don't like it,

then we wouldn't be doing it, would we?

- You're tired, aren't you?

- Sorry?

- You're just tired. He's just tired.

- No, I'm not tired. I'm fine.

Tell Mr. Rusedski to ring me,

I won't ring again.

The wedding's really soon.

He wanted to come. OK?

Josef Worrell, you have my number.

Thank you.

Do you like it?

Yeah.

- You don't.

- I do.

Why are you crying? Don't cry.

- It's good?

- No, I do, I like it. Don't cry.

It's OK. I like it. I love it.

- You do?

- Yeah.

- It's just a bit of a shock.

- Do you want to see it from the side?

- OK.

- OK.

Hey. You look gorgeous.

- All right?

- All right? I'm tremendous.

Terribly exciting, isn't it?

How can that nose go on a front cover?

I didn't say it specifically,

but I implied "change it for the better".

Well, it wasn't, was it?

- It's ever so subtle.

- I know.

- It's out here.

- I know.

It looks like it's been broken and then reset.

Is that the mother over there?

- She's not going to be naked, is she?

- No.

No one wants to see that.

- Who's that?

- That's her sister.

Sister of who?

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Are you insisting that they wear clothes?

- I think it would be better.

I too. I couldn't agree with you more.

Now let's just stop the silly stuff, shall we?

Thanks.

"Looking at the view"?

I've heard that one before.

- Mum!

- I weren't born yesterday.

Do you think Jen would be that cheap

to go upstairs with a stranger and have sex?

- Mum, excuse me, we was talking.

- I mean, she's...

This is my little girl here.

I can assure you, sir,

that nothing happened... Vivien? Vivien?

- Er, so, here's to a wonderful day.

- Here's to Confetti.

Cheers!

Oh, look, look.

Somebody's set this right-handed.

No, but it's good. It's good.

It's lovely, it's lovely.

It's just detail, it's just detail.

- Start getting ready now.

- I am getting ready.

- All right.

- Look, what's this?

I know. They need to come out,

you need to be... Go see Marella now.

- Is everybody all right?

- Yeah.

- OK, I think a few people have disappeared.

- They've just gone to the loo.

Please just make it a loo run

and nothing else. All right?

- You look absolutely fabulous. Smashing.

- Thank you.

- So do you.

- Thank you very much.

Can't say I hope you win, cos I don't.

But anyway, good luck. Hope it goes well.

- Yeah, I hope yours goes well. Really do.

- Thanks.

Is everything all right? No panic?

- No. It's lovely.

- Is it?

- I'm worried...

- What are you talking about?

- I just don't know if I can do it, I mean...

- Hey, hey, no, no, no.

- Just cos of the singing...

- You'll be fine, darling.

Sam, listen to me. Listen to me. Breathe.

- Your singing is...

- I think I'm going to be sick.

- Sam, do you want me to come?

- I feel sick.

- Sam?

- Keep her hair away from her face.

- OK.

- Otherwise you get sick on the hair.

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