Convict 99 Page #2

And that goes for all of you!

Move an inch and you're for it.

It's a break, boys!

- It is a break.

- Come on!

(Crashing, shouting)

Come on, get in there, the lot of you.

You'll be sorry for this.

One, two, three,

four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine... ten.

- How many are they?

- Ten.

One, two, three... That's the lot.

That lets me out. Thanks for the party.

Good night. Sit down!

(Guard) Come on.

Jim Cullis.

- Five years, robbery with violence.

- Mistaken identity.

Yeah, we've got 200 of those here.

- Come on.

- Smudge Dempsey.

Are you going?

Where's Jim and Charlie?

Inside, they came over drowsy.

- No wonder! Well, good night.

- Good night!

Ah, Smith. Back again, eh?

Take him away.

And the last, Maximilian Slessor.

Seven years, forgery.

- Slessor! Slessor!

- (Snores)

Jimmy, keep your feet out of my back.

- You'll have me out of bed.

- Slessor!

Hey? Hey? Yes?

Oh. Oh, hello, porter. Do I get out here?

Yes, but not for another seven years.

Seven years? (Tuts) This train is late.

If I didn't know it was impossible

I'd swear he'd been drinking.

- There's a medical note.

- Oh, yes.

"Suspected of being mentally

unbalanced. Keep under observation."

Oh, I see. All right, take him away.

Come on, Slessor, wake up.

Time for bed.

What? What? Bed?

Oh, bed? Oh, bed, bed.

'Ere, is my bedroom near my study?

Your bedroom's in your study.

Ooh, good. Combined room, eh?

(Man) Hey, wake up! What's the idea?

Who's in charge of this corridor?

- I am, sir.

- Get your men up!

- Yes!

- It's two minutes past six!

Come on, wake up!

- All of you!

- (Men groaning)

Hup! Hey, where do you think

you are, the Ritz?

Come on, show a leg.

(Truncheon rattles)

(Men groaning and yawning)

Hey, copper, come here!

- Come on, come on.

- What's the matter with you?

No impertinence, I know the law. I've

been in better police stations than this.

- Who's responsible for me being here?

- You are!

- You've been a very naughty boy.

- Oh dear. Oh, have I?

- Who's on the bench this morning?

- Oh, shut up!

Hey, hey, come here. Was I very bad?

Bad? It took five of us to bath you!

I haven't been bathed since I was a kid!

- No? That's what we thought.

- I don't want any impudence!

Call my brother-in-law, Alfred Bates,

he'll bail me out.

Shut up or I'll get the head screw on you.

Hey, come here!

You say you won't do it?

I demand a proper drunkenness test.

I'll show you I'm sober.

You get the doctor immediately.

Go on, go and get him! Go on!

Go on! And send over

some eggs and bacon.

- Hey, anything wrong?

- 99's acting queer.

- Says he wants a doctor.

- 99?

That's Max Slessor, fella who made

all that trouble at Parkhurst.

Crazy as a coot.

I'll send the doctor along.

Good morning, Doctor.

Truly rural, truly constitutional.

Around the rogged ricks... The rigged...

Around the rigged racks...

Around the racks...

Around the rogged...

It's on the tip of me tongue. Around

the rigged rocks, the ragged rascal...

- Anyway, I'm as sober as a judge.

- Of course you are. Let's take it quietly.

Say this after me - I serenely submit

to the seven-year servitude

that I stand sentenced to by the state.

Blimey, it's a bit ess-y. Well, I'll have

a trot at it. Wish I had me other teeth.

I serenely submit

to the seven-year servitude

I stand se... I can't say that!

They'll think I am doing seven years.

Quite right. Keep that thought

in the back of your mind.

Hey, you can't leave me here like this!

I know a fella that knows an MP.

I'll have a question asked in the House.

Yes. Hey, what am I gonna do?

You finish marking out the floor and

I'll come back for a game of hopscotch.

Hey, come here!

You can't treat me like this! I'll write to

the Home Secretary! Bring me a stamp!

I'll take the law into my own hands, then.

I won't stay here another minute!

Horace! Call the gentleman a taxi!

- Oh, the gentleman wants to go home!

- Taxi! Taxi!

Party C3, halt!

Get to work.

Come on, 99, get on with your work!

Where do you think you are?

Well, I shouldn't be here at all.

Last time I got drunk

they only fined me ten bob.

- Shut up and get on with your work!

- This is worse than the Dreyfus case.

I am a Briton - red, white and blue

still mean something to me.

- Deputy governor's coming.

- Get the men working full speed.

If you don't want trouble,

get on with your work!

Swing your hammer, man!

I said swing it!

Oh dear.

So it's mutiny, eh?

This means solitary confinement for you.

Take him away!

Come on, get going!

(Squeaking)

(Barking)

(Quacking)

- There's a church.

- (Thud)

- There's a steeple.

- (Thud)

Open the doors and there's the people.

- 'Ello!

- Oh, hello. Good gracious. Who are you?

I'm Jerry the Mole, your neighbour.

I've just burrowed in to see you.

Well, you can just burrow off again.

Why? Don't you want me, then?

This is a solitary confinement cell,

it's private. (Sniffs)

All right, Sniffy,

I know where I ain't welcome.

Hey, you can't leave a hole like that,

they'll blame it on me.

No, they'll know it's me, I've got tunnels

everywhere. Perfect pest, I am!

I've undermined the whole foundations.

Do they know about these tunnels?

- Some they do, some they don't.

- Well, they'll know about this one.

That? Don't count,

it's only an afternoon's work.

I've got a big tunnel

runs under the kitchen, round the sewer,

- through the cesspool, up the drain...

- Healthy.

..and out past the main gates.

If I burrow up I shall come out

in the middle of the main road.

That's silly, you'll get run over.

Oh dear, hadn't thought of that.

You could come out

on a pedestrian crossing.

That's right. I've been working

on that tunnel for 40 years.

40 years? How long are you in for?

- Another couple of weeks.

- Well, you'd better hurry up and escape.

- Yeah, I mustn't waste any time.

- No. (Sniffs)

- 'Ere, Sniffy, like to escape with me?

- No, not me.

- Why not?

- I haven't got 40 years to spare.

With me you'll be out in two days.

Coming?

- Where?

- The bathroom, where the tunnel starts.

- How do we get there?

- Call the warder, I'll tell you what to say.

Warder! Yoo-hoo!

Warder! Warder!

Louder.

- Warder! Yoo-hoo!

- (Banging)

Warder!

- Er, I want to go to the bathroom.

- What?

- (Mouths)

- No, I mean I don't want to go.

- You trying to be funny?

- No.

- Well, what are you talking about?

- I thought I did but I don't.

- Sorry you've been troubled.

- You spoiled everything!

- I did what you said.

- I hadn't finished.

Call the warder,

tell him you heard me escaping.

Oh!

Warder! Warder!

- (Pounding)

- Hey, Warder! Here!

Warder!

- Now what is it?

- He's escaping from next door.

- Who's escaping?

- Er, Jerry the... Jerry the Rabbit.

- Who?

- Mole.

- Er, Mole.

- What?!

Here, stand up here.

Take this here, stand up.

Turn round, shut your eyes.

- When I say go, drop it.

- Why do I shut me eyes?

So you don't see how I do it. They shut?

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