Convict 99 Page #8

like you said.

What's the idea of looking in?

You said to look for

something suspicious.

- (Knocking)

- Anybody there?

No!

Look through the letter box, you fool!

- Do you see anything?

- Yes, a policeman's belt.

It's a policeman, boys.

- Hey, hey, where are you going?

- Sh! I'm gonna have a look.

- Who is it?

- Sh! It's Albert.

- Who?

- Albert.

Well, what are we whispering for?

Come down and let him in.

(Operator) 'Number, please.

Number, please.

'What number is it you want?

Hello. Hello.'

Limehouse Police Station, quick!

- Who's keeping watch?

- He is.

Fat lot of use he is.

You'd better patrol outside.

- Can't somebody else do that?

- They're too busy. Hurry up.

And take PC Shorthouse with you.

But he doesn't look like a policeman.

Can't you stand on a box?

Aah. Nice evening.

Keep your eyes skinned.

You look that way and I'll look this.

- Much nicer out here, isn't it?

- Pardon, sir?

Oh, I thought you were Jerry.

You all look alike in those uniforms.

- Do we, sir?

- Yes.

- You look well in that, it suits you.

- Thank you, sir.

It might be an idea, when you leave us,

to go straight.

- Go straight, sir?

- Yes.

Well, if the idea doesn't appeal to you.

Boys are making a neat job, aren't they?

- Job?

- Yes.

Oh, you mean the bank.

Be fine when it's finished.

Oh, that won't be long,

they'll soon have it open.

Open? But it's been open six months.

Oh?

You're new to this district,

aren't you, sir?

- Yes. Why, have you been here before?

- I've been on this beat five years.

Five yea... Oh.

- What division are you from, sir?

- Division?

Er, oh, third division.

- Third division?

- Er, yes.

We were relegated last season.

My team... My platoon is at Limehouse.

I know lots of Limehouse men, sir.

Funny I haven't seen you before.

You must meet a lot of people.

I shouldn't forget you, sir. You're the first

officer I've met wearing glasses.

Oh. Oh, yes. I just found those,

I was trying them on

to see if they'd go on.

(Clears throat)

Er, well, you ought to be

getting back on your beat.

This is my beat, right round the block.

Oh, of course, yes. Wouldn't you like to

go and beat round the back?

Yes. Yes, I suppose you're right, sir.

- Good night, sir.

- Good night.

- (Coughs) Good night.

- Good night, sir.

- 'Ere, I want to tell you something.

- What?

That man you were speaking to -

he was a policeman!

Get out of it!

That's the cheque - 5,000.

And the covering letter.

That 5,000 back, it breaks my heart.

Hey! Let's see your identification card.

- What's the idea?

- Keep your eyes open,

there's crooks loose in police uniform.

- Where'd they get uniforms?

- Limehouse.

'Ere, quick, second on the right!

Go on, hurry, hurry.

Quick march!

(# All whistle circus tune)

- (Car approaching)

- What's that?

The cops!

Come on, run faster!

- Come on! Hurry up! Go on!

- Hurry up.

Ooh, it's a tunnel! We can go down there!

All right. Albert, you go first,

see if the ladder stays.

(Albert yawns)

'Ere, what about my fare?

- How much is it?

- 9/19/3.

- Charge it to the Home Office.

- What?

Find the others,

see what they did with Slessor,

and tell them not a word about last night.

(Animated chatter)

Oh.

Oh, good morning, gentlemen.

Morning, miss. Hello, Cyril.

Don't "Cyril" me!

I've some questions for you.

Why did you leave this prison

without supervision?

I thought it'd be all right. I shut the gate.

And I've instituted the honour system.

- With criminals?

- Why not? "Honour among thieves".

You should practise more honour

in your personal affairs.

Look at these cheques! 900 rd!

Is this your honour system - issuing

cheques with no balance to meet them?

Ah, that's where you're wrong.

Get me my bank manager, please.

He's trying to get me? Put him through.

I don't know what to say, Mr Benjamin.

'We have verified that you have

a substantial balance to your credit.'

I can't see how the mistake arose.

Oh, that's all right, don't apologise.

Accidents happen. Good morning.

I hope you're satisfied now.

- Get in here!

- I tell ya! I tell ya, I swear!

This way! Beg pardon, Sir Cyril,

but it's good you're here.

I've been locked up all night by him

so he could allow ten convicts to escape.

This is the last straw! You've not only

turned the prison into a funfair,

you've released dangerous criminals.

- They promised to come back.

- You're a menace to public safety.

I'll have you put away! Arrest him.

(Cheering)

What the devil's happening now?

Come on, you double-crosser!

- (Jeering)

- It's unbelievable, I take back all I said.

Here we are, boys!

(Cheering)

Look who's here, Governor -

the prodigal son!

- How's the baroness?

- (Growls)

Speech, Governor! Speech!

- Come now, Governor, it's your triumph.

- Care to say a few words?

Well, boys of Blackdown,

I don't know what to say to you.

(Sniffs) This is a very proud day for me.

- (Cheering)

- I think we've made a great step forward

in prison reform.

As a matter of fact, I believe that this

moment will go down in prison history.

(Screaming)

Oh dear! Oh dear.

- (Woman moaning)

- Are you all right?

You all right? Cor, there's a nice thing.

Jerry, show these gentlemen

to the bathroom.

Cop hold of this.

This way to the bathroom! Come along!

Ooh!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes