Cop and a Half: New Recruit Page #4

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an anniversary? It's not so bad.

I have these big jumbos who

always throw me in the toilet...

and worse yet,

I have him for a partner.

You two at least have each other,

even though you don't

have any more plates.

Yeah, you may be right.

I may be right.

Bobo, start up the stairs.

She can start down.

You guys can meet halfway.

[Blowing Kisses]

Thank you.

Instinct, right?

- He wasn't the Bobo.

- Right.

You know what?

You were very good back there.

[Whispering] Yeah.

What time you gonna

pick me up tomorrow?

- I'm not.

- Why? You said I did a great job.

You didn't kill me, I didn't kill you.

I guess you did all right,

But the deal was one shift.

- But there's another Bobo.

- Yeah.

He pops up, I'll write you.

I knew you would change

your mind, Nick. I knew it.

Give me your stuff.

You're a good kid.

So what happened?

You shoot anybody?

Nothing happened.

Come on.

Something must've happened.

- Nothing happened.

- All right.

Hey, Ray, they want us to keep

this stuff kind of hush-hush.

You know, police business.

Do you understand? Come on.

I guess.

So what do you want to do?

Let's grab a Ding Dong.

Hey, Ray, stop! Look!

The black Lincoln.

Get over here!

- They know our neighborhood.

- Who does?

They want me, not you.

Here, keep this in the evidence locker.

I'll take care of it.

Now turn around and walk

out of here naturally.

Naturally.

Hey, how you doin', fart head?

Mister big shot with the cops, huh?

Don't you morons have

anything else to do?

- What'd you do that for?

- 'Cause you called me a moron.

So throwing your jacket on

the ground makes you smarter?

This kid's making me nuts.

Hey, guys, I can't kid around anymore.

I'm watching my grandma's car.

Oh, so you're here with grandma?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, so this is grandmommy's car, huh?

Hey, guys, please.

Bust me up, but not the car.

You mean don't do this?

That's exactly what I mean.

Or this?

Ah, too bad.

[Rio] My turn.

This is your

kiss good-bye.

Ho! Hey, what are you doin'?

Get out of here!

I'll break your face!

Wait'll I get my hands on you.

We'll get you,

you stupid, little brats.

Let's get back in the car.

Come on, let's go.

Ah, look at this. These punks got no

respect nowadays. Get in the car.

Hi, Grandma.

[Slams Phone]

It finally caught up with you.

What did?

The new school counselor's

here to see you.

I hope you're happy.

Just answer everything, truthfully.

There you are.

Hi, Devon.

Hi.

You recognize me?

No.

Hmm. I'm Mr. Goodman,

the new counselor from school.

You haven't seen me

around school, huh?

No.

Well, let's sit down.

So you know why I'm here?

Uh, missing school today?

Exactly.

Now your grandmother

tells me you've been

helping the police find

a very dangerous man.

You won't believe

the dirtbags we're af...

Hello? Devon?

You were saying?

I didn't see them.

I didn't see the bad guy's face.

That's good.

I mean, that's bad.

Probably the police are disappointed.

Oh, very disappointed.

And mad too because I wasted their time.

- Well.

- I'm afraid we're out of cream.

Gee. You know what? I'm gonna

take a rain check on this...

because I've got...

ooh, I think I'll take one of these.

I've got a few stops I have to make.

Well,

is everything all right?

Oh, I'm very pleased with Devon.

As a matter of fact,

Devon's a good boy.

You have a good day.

Grandma!

- Hey, hey, mister. Come here.

- Damn.

What? Excuse me, ma'am?

Come here?

I overheard your conversation.

That woman can't control...

Get your arm off me, madam,

or I'll put you in a home.

I cannot do my job with a kid around.

I do not like kids.

- [Rubio] Nick!

- Why does he have to stay at my house?

Why can't he stay with somebody else?

Believe me, you wouldn't even be

my second choice for him to stay with.

The kid is comfortable with you.

Come on, how long can it last?

Give me a break here.

Besides, you have such

a lovely rapport with him.

Let's go.

You are going to listen

to Mr. McKenna, right?

- Detective McKenna?

- Detective McKenna.

Look at me.

Devon, look at me.

Now you won't leave here

without him, right?

Grandma, he's got a gun.

I'm sure he has.

And you won't leave him here and go

around playing cowboys and Indians?

Lady, the next time somebody

breaks into your apartment,

why don't you call the bunkhouse

and ask for a cowboy.

I'm sure they come

a lot faster than you.

I've been bustin' my chops

all my life protectin' people!

- Anybody seen Barnyard Cop?

- What?

He always asks his partner:

What comes after "L"?

- I don't know.

- "Bow." Don't you get it?

- Elbow!

- [Coughs]

You hit me one more time

with your "L" -bow...

and I'm gonna rip it off

and wave it at you.

You keep pullin' that

attitude with my grandson.

I don't have an attitude, lady,

I'm just a police officer.

I do not have an attitude.

Come here.

- Take care of yourself, Devon.

- I will.

- Hey, Nick?

- Mm-hmm?

Is a hundred grand the same

as a hundred thousand?

Yeah, why?

The guy in the warehouse said it.

"A hundred grand."

I heard it was more like

a hundred million.

[Urinating]

- Wait. Swords.

- Hmm?

- What swords?

- Come on, it's fun.

My friend Raymond

can piss eight feet.

Well, Raymond's my new hero.

Just watch what you're doin'.

- Come on, this'll be fu...

- [Urinating On Nick's Pant Leg]

Sorry.

Good night, kid.

- Hey, Nick?

- Yeah?

Aren't you gonna read me a story?

You want to be a police officer,

you gotta get your batteries recharged.

Besides, you're eight years old.

I'm not gonna read to you.

Don't you know anything

about kids? It relaxes us.

Once upon a time...

"Randy Milligan was released from the

Kansas City Hospital

Thursday afternoon...

and planned to join

his Baltimore teammates...

for a trip to New York

on Thursday night.

Milligan was knocked

unconscious after...

he ran into second baseman

Give me a break.

It's a story.

"Milligan was knocked

unconscious after...

he ran into second baseman

Billy Ripken...

while chasing a ground ball

on Wednesday night.

Milligan sustained

a minor concussion...

and left the field in an ambulance.

Tests Thursday revealed

no major damage besides a concussion.

Milligan suffered a...

a, uh...

bruised cheekbone and..."

Actually, the doctors

don't have much hope for him...

and they're gonna

cut off his testicles.

[Devon Coughing]

Oh, boss, these are beautiful.

[Humming]

What'd you find out, Chu?

Sir, the kid's with McKenna.

Ohhh!

- Why?

- 'Cause I'm boiling.

Are you gentlemen capable

of doing anything right?

Absolutely.

With McKenna, huh?

Erase him like a bad grade.

You got it, boss.

[Door Opens]

[Door Closes]

[Clattering]

I just wanted a glass of milk.

Incoming.

So you're dumping the kid?

I gave him to McPhail. McPhail

already has some kids, all right?

- I'm not used to this kind of stuff.

- What kind of stuff?

Look, I'm not a bodyguard,

I'm not a baby-sitter.

I have a routine. I

have a routine to do.

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