Corner Gas: The Movie Page #3

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You're not... coming on to me, are you?

I need to get out of town,

clear my head.

And don't worry about

the power being out.

I got a couple gas generators out back.

One of them's

already juicing my garage.

Watch this.

Might as well go for a soda,

nobody hurts

This is a garage?

It's like Frank Sinatra's

rumpus room.

It's my man cave.

Did all the work myself.

I even soundproofed it.

Watch this.

Help!

Zombies are eating my brains!

H e-e-e-e-e...

.. e-e-e-e-I p!

Impressive and creepy.

Oh, wow, I would really like to help you

out, but it's just...

Ah, it's just, uh...

- I'll pay you.

- There you go.

You know,

it's like pulling teeth

to get anybody to help out.

The power's out,

and then some lunatic

vandalized the water pump.

Stupid wrench!

At least

it sort of worked before.

Now it's completely ruined.

Well, maybe things

aren't as bad as they seem.

Nope. They're bad.

Real bad.

I mean, sure,

the town will flop around,

gasping for air like a fish on

a flat rock, but eventually...

Thanks, Little Miss Sunshine.

Whoa.

What the hell?

This is a... a joke, right?

Phil's probably hiding

and laughing somewhere.

Right, Phil?

Phil?

We can do without power

and water.

But booze?

This just got real.

That's it.

That's the last straw.

Lacey!

Lacey, wait.

Hang on!

I know a place we can drink.

Might as well go for a soda

One rye and ginger.

4 bucks.

Here's $5.

- Keep the change.

- I intend to.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Uh...

Look, I know things

seem kind of bad right now,

but everything will work out.

- It always does.

- No, it doesn't, Brent.

I know you have

this Zen, Buddhist,

Winnie the Pooh

kind of "look the other way and

Freddy Krueger can't hurt you"

type of philosophy.

And it is really very charming.

But sometimes charming

isn't enough.

You know, no one is lifting

a finger to save this town,

and I don't know what to do.

And I feel like I just don't have any

other choice

but to start looking...

in other places to open a diner.

You mean like other towns?

You mean move?

What choice is there?

Lookit, can you, um, just blow out the

candles when you leave?

What are you doing?

Looks like trespassing.

At ease, Copzilla.

I'm just cleaning off the steps of my

bar.

What the hell you talking about, "your

bar"?

Be quiet.

Let him explain.

What the hell are you

talking about, "your bar"?

This old hotel bar

has been part of Dog River

since long before I was born.

Doesn't seem right

to just let it die now, so...

I bought it.

But you usually...

I usually sit these things out.

I know.

Mainly because

I've spent my entire life

watching you people

turn molehills into mountains,

and I was hoping

that this was just another one of those

things.

But it's not.

And sometimes in this life,

you have to pull yourself

up off your can

and do what needs to be done.

Especially once you realize what's

really important.

Well, Brent,

I think we're all deeply touched

by how important

booze is to you.

No! The... The bar

is a metaphor...

You're missing the...

Look, I bought the bar

because I love this stupid town.

And I love the life

we have here,

and I, for one,

think it's worth fighting for.

Attaboy, Brent!

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's why I also entered us

into the "Quaintest Town

in Canada" contest.

What the hell is that?

It's a contest to find

the quaintest town in...

It's pretty self-explanatory.

Plus, it has

a $75,000 cash award.

We need that money

to pay off our debt

and to fix the water pump.

Lacey, we could really use your help to

"quainterize" the town,

if that's a word.

And if you're still willing

to help us.

No.

No?

"Quainterize" isn't a word.

But, yes, I still want

to save this town.

- Come up here.

- Okay.

Okay, everybody, we only have two weeks

to pull this off,

so I'm gonna need a lot

of people to volunteer

to form

a Quaintification Committee.

Oh, like that's a word.

Oh, wait a minute.

Yesterday, you were

all doom and gloom,

and now you're joining

some committee?

Well, look at him.

Brent is taking responsibility for the

first time in his life.

We have to support him.

- We?

- Yes, we.

But today

we get to smile about it

Wow.

There is serious money

to be made

in this "town going to hell" business.

Waste of time.

Our chances are slim.

Well, slim's better than none, thanks to

this man right here.

Why?

What did Slim do?

He stepped up

and bought the bar.

What the f...

Whoa.

That's a little bit hasty,

don't you think?

What do you care? I thought

you were planning on leaving.

What kind of person would I be

if I just up and abandoned

this town when it is ripe...

rife with troubles.

You're sticking around?

Oh, Wanda, this is awesome.

This place wouldn't be the same without

you.

PM.

Hey, could you clean

the coolers?

- What?

- I'm gonna need you

to run things around here

if I'm gonna fix up the bar.

Now, we're gonna need

a lot of materials...

paint, brushes, garden supplies.

Whatever we can't find

we'll have to buy.

Bah! First the politicians

rob us blind

with their Fonzie schemes,

then you come up with

some harebrained idea

that has us throwing good money after

bad!

Oscar, what bad money?

No one's put any money in.

Oscar, if you're not gonna help, go away

and sharpen a stick.

Oh, I'll do more

than sharpen a stick.

I've got survival preppin'

to do!

Oh, dear. Emma, are you gonna

be okay without Oscar here?

I'm sorry!

I- I couldn't resist.

- That's a good one.

- Okay, let's get quaintin'.

Sunny days

Oh, sunny, sunny, sunny days

Ain't nothing better

in the world, you know

Than lyin' in the sun

with your radio

Da da-da da-da da da da

Yes, yes, I know we owe

the power company money,

and we have a detailed plan

to pay you back.

But our plan requires us

to have the power on first.

Yep, that's what we in the business call

"a real pickle. "

Uh-huh. Okay.

Well, I'm just wondering

if we can apply

for a stay from our debt

just long enough for us

to implement our plan?

Can't apply for a stay over the

phone.

Application

has to be in writing.

Then there's the review process

and... blah, blah, blah.

Whoa! Did you actually

just say, "Blah, blah, blah"?

Not very professional.

And not paying

your power bill is?

Thanks for calling.

You know, for a guy on vacation, you

don't look very happy.

Work getting you down?

I don't want you to take this the wrong

way, but...

- shut your face.

- Well.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say that.

I'm just going through stuff.

So I just came out here

to catch the biggest fish

in Lake Kalawonka.

That's Katatonka.

Whatever.

Katatonka

was a legendary warrior

who died on the shores

of this lake in 1817.

No one knows how he died

'cause no one was with him,

and there was no wounds

on his body.

Some say the spirit bear came

and devoured his soul.

Others say a great eagle

swooped down,

and with his mighty talons,

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