Corner Gas: The Movie Page #5

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has to be dark and dingy

to add credibility.

That's why I can't work at home.

Wanda explained it all to me.

Whatever.

Oh, um, by the way,

you're parked illegally.

There's a ticket

on your windshield.

Oh, you should've

seen this guy.

Hey, Brent, can we get another round of

beer here, please?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Thank you, sir.

It was. It was crazy.

Hey.

Sorry. I overreacted

to Hank's thing earlier.

I want to make it up to you.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

Oh, unless you want to run

and get me a chili-cheese dog?

Because I've been so busy

around here doing everything,

I haven't had a chance to...

Whoa.

- How did you know?

- Seriously?

Oh, you are awesome.

I've been so busy

trying to fix up this dump,

I haven't had a chance to eat.

There's loose floorboards.

There's torn carpet.

There's busted hinges.

- Did I mention the mouse poop?

- Yeah.

I'm starting to see

why Phil sold this place.

Whatever happened to Phil, anyway?

I'll tell you

what happened to Phil.

Since when do you smoke?

And since when do you think

you can do it in here?

Detectives always have a...

Fine.

I was able to track Phil down.

It wasn't easy, but when you've been at

this as long as I have,

you develop a nose

like a bloodhound.

You pick up things

others would miss.

Gord said you're looking for me.

He figured the town was toast,

so he's pursuing his lifelong dream of

being a lifeguard.

Like on "Baywatch"?

Exactly!

If "Baywatch" took place

at a public pool in Moose Jaw.

Anyway, case solved.

Now there's just

the small matter of my fee.

But we didn't hire you.

Did anyone hire you?

Not as such, no.

That would be the "biz" part

of the detective biz.

Oh, it's "food" and "market. "

I never picked up on that.

I'm attaching all the letters

so it looks quaint.

I still think "Foo Mart"

is cooler.

Anyway, here's your ticket.

Your, uh, "K" is blocking

the sidewalk.

Pretty horse!

You have a horse.

I love horses.

When I was a little girl,

I always wanted one so I could brush it

and feed it carrots.

Well, Scope's

no little Sally Handbag

you can play dress-up with.

Scope? May as well

call him "Listerine. "

You should name him Socks

or Snowflake.

All cool horses

are named after gun parts.

There's... There's Trigger and... others.

Whose farm you keeping him at?

I'm keeping him in our garage.

What are you feeding him?

Table scraps, mostly.

That could make him sick.

But he eats grass, too.

That's like mowing,

which we need to do

for this quaint business.

What you're doing is illegal.

Oh, that's just nature.

You can't give a ticket

to Mother Nature.

You're right.

No ticket.

I'm confiscating him.

What?!

Come on, Socks.

Let's go get you a carrot.

You can't...

You can't take my horse!

I have rights!

He has rights!

If the government

outlaws horses,

only outlaws will have horses!

His name is Scope!

Lacey.

Oh. Hi, Emma.

I just want to let you know

what a great job you're doing

on the Quainting Committee.

Why don't you come to dinner

on Tuesday night?

Oh, Emma, that would be nice.

Brent will be there.

It'll be a "family" dinner.

Why did you put

little quotation marks

- around the word "family"?

- Because you are "family. "

Will 7300 be all right?

Well, 7300 is "fine. "

All right.

I'll see you then.

- Thank you, sir.

- Yeah. No problem.

Hey, barkeep.

Your lunch is on the counter.

And, um, dinner will be at 7:00 on

Tuesday.

And wear something nice.

Lunch?

Double-lunch day!

Psst! Pal.

You know that big news

I was gonna tell you about?

You want to bring a Goff-Nuts

to Dog River.

I want to bring a...

Oh.

Word's out, huh?

Damn WikiLeaks.

Anyway, I'm gonna need

that cash you promised

for the franchise fee.

Well, first of all,

I never promised you any cash.

Second of all, no.

Thirdly, you're living

in a dream world.

And fourthly, no.

You said you'd invest

if I had an idea.

And now, just like that,

you come up with

four reasons not to?

You've got to tell me

what the idea is first.

I'm not going to

invest in something

that's gonna jeopardize

Lacey's business.

It's competition.

It's good.

Doesn't anyone watch "BizWeek"?

I need this money, Brent.

I made plans because

you said I could have it.

Forget it.

It's not gonna happen.

You know what this is?

Betrayal.

A broken vow amongst friends.

- Former friends!

- Here we go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Brent Leroy and I

are no longer friends.

I will never set foot

in here again!

There's nowhere else to drink.

Who ordered the nachos?

Arriba!

Ay yi yi yi yi!

She's a real beauty, eh?

Yeah.

Is she with anyone?

She's with me now.

Got her at a garage sale

for 2 bucks.

I believe this is what

you're looking for.

Uh. $19?

And an I.O.U. for the rest.

Is this a joke?

L- I just figured,

we're almost family now,

and family lends money

to family, right?

Sorry.

No fee, no deal.

Oh, come on, I was counting

on this Goff-Nuts franchise

to bring money

back into Dog River.

And it will.

We're so confident

in this community,

we're planning on opening

a franchise with or without you.

What?!

Geez. Have I got "betray me" written

across my forehead?

Sorry.

It's just business.

Hank, he's right.

It's just business.

- Yeah.

- Although I am...

I'm surprised with your confidence in

our little town...

considering we're bankrupt.

Bankrupt?

No power, no water.

I thought

you just blew a breaker.

This place is practically dead.

That changes everything.

Thanks for the info.

I will, uh...

I'll see you later.

Oh, lookit, Hank, I know

you were just trying to help.

Here's a napkin on the house.

Doodle up another idea.

Maybe think a little more

about that dude zoo.

So now you can tell everyone

how you feel about Dog River

with a snazzy new

"Ain't We Quaint?" T-shirt.

This quaintness stuff is stupid.

Well, then, why don't you

tell the world how you feel

with your very own

"Quaint We Ain't" T-shirt?

Now you're talkin'!

I said hang the flowers

5 feet, 7 inches off the ground.

Why'd you hang them so high?

I thought someone

might bump their head.

Well, now no one

can smell the flowers

unless they're Shaquille O'Neal.

Who's Shaneille?

I think she won "American Idol" last

year.

Tall girl.

Oh, she loved flowers.

We've been through this!

We don't have time

for anyone to have ideas.

Just do it my way.

Emma understands.

Right, Emma?

Where's Emma?

I'll get your horse back

in no time.

Money well spent.

Money?

You mean I have to pay you?

Hello, scooter!

Or should I say,

one of my scooters?

Where the hell did you get

that contraption?

Pat Gallagher's

New and Used Cars and Trucks.

You're a fool, Emma.

Falling right in

to Big Oil's trap.

It's electric, you idiot.

Maybe you should

get a scooter, too.

You could call it Scope.

"Electra-Scope. "

Hey, Scope.

That's a boy.

Come on.

Come on, my boy.

Good boy.

Okay, jump the fence.

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