Corner Gas: The Movie Page #8

---

"quaint town" contest.

Survive.

Good for you.

Well, we're not going down without a

fight.

Now, I've just had a very creepy and

stressful ride back.

I could really use a drink.

Look, I'm here

to support your bar.

In fact, I'll buy

all the drinks tonight

if you open up a tab for me.

How about that?

All right.

I'll open up a tab.

Only because I need the money.

And I like free drinks.

But I don't like you.

So I'm gonna be serving you

with this face.

Hey, Sandy!

Bra-less... risky!

At the Copa

Copahavana

The hottest spot

here to Kelowna, whoo

Music and fashion and guys

with mustaches at the Cop...

Aw, crap.

That's not how it goes.

D.R.P.D.

I'm shutting this place down, people.

Hit the bricks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where do you think you're going?

Horne.

That was my fourth show tonight.

My heels are killing me.

Illegal gambling

is a serious crime.

Well, write me up

for a parking infraction,

and we'll call it a day.

Wanda...

don't push it.

"Don't push it. "

Pretty tough talk

when your backup's a baby.

You know what really hurts?

Is that you and Davis

lied right to my face.

Well, about Davis...

I hope you have a search warrant because

Hey, there's a casino

in my garage.

You seriously had no idea

this was happening?

"Oh, if there was a sniff

of a wager in town,

I'd know about it. "

Man, doesn't get any stupider than that.

Aha! Keeping my horse

in a casino, eh'?

Holy hell.

We got a casino!

Where the hell's my horse?!

What are we gonna do now?

Drink as much booze as we can and run up

Jerome's tab.

What? No!

I mean about the town.

Lacey, could you

tell the bartender

that I would like another drink?

Oh, tell him yourself.

Well, now you're

just being rude.

Yes, that is a bottle.

You want two bottles?

You want to put sand in it?

I don't know what you're saying.

Is little Timmy

stuck in the well?

Whoa. Easy, there.

You know

what I've been thinking?

What is a girl from Toronto doing in a

small town like this?

- Well, I...

- You're smart. You're pretty.

You deserve better than this.

You do.

From the first moment

that I saw you, very first,

I really thought you and I,

we clicked.

Nope. No.

No.

- Come on.

- Sorry. No click.

Or crackle.

Not even a pop.

It's... It's more of a pffftthh!

Oh.

Well, that...

that's just because

you're not giving me a chance.

- Well...

- Why can't you be more friendly?

I mean, why can't you be more like the

people from Wullerton?

I think I'm in love.

Wow.

You're like a biker chick.

All right, buddy,

here's your tab.

Time to go.

I'm not ready to go.

Well, I'm ready for you to go.

You're getting a little sloppy, so

vamoose.

Or?

Or skedaddle, scurry, scoot.

I'll go when I'm good and ready.

As it turns out, I'm ready now.

It's a good thing he left

when he did.

Yeah, the last thing

you need now is legal troubles.

Whoa! Oof!

'Aah!

Ow!

'- Ah!

That wasn't the sound

of a door slamming, was it?

- Mnh-mnh.

- I'm a Ford Tempo

You're a Maserati

You're the Great One,

I'm Marty McSorley

Hey, sorry.

I don't think I can help you.

The pumps won't work

when the power's out.

- You Brent Leroy?

- Yeah. Who's asking?

You're being sued?

I'm more surprised

I got served like that.

I thought that only happened

in movies.

So I guess you're gonna

need a lawyer.

I could help you.

Oh, I think you've done enough.

But I have studied a ton

of law cases.

Cohen vs. Woytowich.

Barker vs. Tunney.

I've seen "Kramer vs. Kramer" like 10

times.

Come on.

Let me make this up to you.

I think I'll stick

with a professional.

We are going to submit

the following evidence...

contractor's quote

showing that the hotel bar

was in dire need of repair,

photos of the location

where the incident occurred,

a doctor's statement

listing injuries sustained,

as well as

a psychological examination

for undue stress caused by

the resulting incident.

Whoa.

Is this all from this case?

It is? Yikes.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

I just... I just get the sweats.

Nerves.

I, um... I mostly handle pet-related

law.

Bites, fecal damage,

"your ferret ate my canary,"

stuff like that.

You're wearing a tie.

Smart.

May I borrow it?

All right, you're my lawyer.

Really? Yes!

Let's do this.

Not guilty!

Okay!

Our case is up next.

Guilty!

Damn it!

Oh, I'm really sorry, Brent.

I really thought

I could do this.

I just thought that if I could make this

all disappear,

then maybe you'd forgive me for screwing

up your bar business.

There's nothing to forgive.

You were doing it for your kid.

We're good.

Really?

Wow.

All the years I've known you,

I don't think we've ever hugged.

Well, now you just

made it weird.

Everything in my life,

good or bad,

has happened

around this gas station.

It's all I know.

It's okay.

You're not just four walls

and some pumps.

There's a lot more to you

than that.

Is that a fat joke?

Look, I'm sorry

I disappointed you both.

I screwed up the sale of the house and

now the gas station.

Generations of Leroys

have built this business

from the ground up.

Actually, your great-uncle

won it in a card game.

Used to be a bakery.

The most important thing

is we still have each other.

Friends and family

are all that counts.

Money helps, too.

I, uh... I called

that Realtor woman.

She's coming tomorrow

to look at the house again.

What?

I got a family to take care of.

Wow, Dad, that is

the most reasonable thing

I've ever heard you say.

Besides, I can trap squirrels

in the city.

- And there's the crazy.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I... I guess

it's just time to move on.

Or?

Geez, Fitzy. Where the hell

did you come from?

I was crouching over there

in the tall grass.

I didn't want to interrupt.

What were you doing

in Wullerton?

[All spit 1

I've figured out a way to erase the

debt, repair the water pump,

and get Dog River

back to its old self again!

That doesn't involve

the lottery?

No, no.

We can have our town

back to normal if we...

agree to be annexed

by Wullerton!

[All spit 1

Annexed?!

Annexed?!

What does "annexed" mean?

Oh, it's Latin

for "Fitzy's an idiot"!

Nobody's annexing anything, buddy boy!

I agree with Dad!

Oh, dear.

Did you see what those vicious bastards

did to Hank and Davis?

Is there a problem here?

"Ohh!

"Ohh!

- Oh! Oh!

- Oh! Oh!

Ow.

Were you two giving

those nice men trouble?

What do you people want?

If we don't let them annex us,

Goff-Nuts is gonna bulldoze the town and

put up a big warehouse.

Okay, everybody,

shut the hell up!

We've forgotten about

the contest.

It's not too late.

I mean, obviously,

our town isn't quaint.

But it doesn't have to be.

All we have to do is fool

that National Star woman

into thinking it is.

She arrives in... six hours.

We can do it.

We can clean up this mess,

run her down Main Street,

have some pie and coffee, and sweet-talk

her big-city heinie

into giving us the title.

We just need to get along

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes