Corner Gas: The Movie Page #9

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for one afternoon.

Lacey's right.

We may not be quaint,

but we're tremendous liars!

I say we give this

one last shot!

Who's with us?

Yes!

I move we reinstate Lacey

as chairman of the committee.

And Myrtle seconds it.

L do?

Yes, you do.

All right!

Then let's do this!

We already said

we were going to do it.

Well, all righty, then.

Let's go!

One, two, one, two, one, two.

That's how I learned

about painting the town

When her mama said

to jump in a lake

I had a good time,

and it was her mistake

I got my head down,

sticking to the track

I got no plan

'cause that'll hold me back

I don't know, doo, doo, doo

Come make my house your home

Doo, doo, doo

Come make my house your home

- Doo, doo, doo -What do you think you're

doing?

When this is over,

you and I are going to square things

away with my horse.

I legally confiscated

that horse, so bring him back!

Back from where?

You stole him out in the woods!

Yeah, and then you took him back outside

Corner Gas!

What the hell are...

Oh, I get it.

This is some dirty-mind

cop game.

I think you mean

"dirty-cop mind game. "

I think.

Why don't you get

your own horse?

Like this one.

What the deuce?!

Emma!

Emma!

I'm sick and tired

of you two sneaking around.

So I took Big Slick

and made him my own.

And he's gonna be

up front and center

when that newspaper lady

gets here.

Isn't that right, Slick?

- His name is Socks.

- His name is Scope.

ORB'!-

Just make sure Socks

doesn't leave any donations

on the street.

Something I can help you with?

Just, uh,

got a spot of rust there.

You might want

to keep an eye on it.

Will do.

What's with the shredded paper in the

back seat?

Oh, I finally cleaned out

the files in the back storeroom.

I always meant to do that.

I'm sorry what I said before.

You're a damn good

police officer.

I'm sorry for what I said, too.

I miss nap time.

Lacey wants me to escort

the National Star woman

with full lights and siren.

You should suit up

and ride along.

Really?

Could be our last chance

to be partners.

All right!

Okay, Davis,

this isn't very cop-like.

I don't like this!

You got Scope all dolled up

like some kind of Glacier Girl.

What are you doing?

He's a war-horse.

He should march down Main Street all

proud-like.

But we need him

to pull the wagon.

Get some of your flower cronies to pull

the stupid wagon.

Honest to God, Dad,

you're gonna get that horse

or somebody else killed.

It's a T-shirt cannon,

but I want to modify it

to shoot confetti.

A T-shirt cannon?

Yeah, check this out.

Hey, Marvin.

You want a T-shirt?

Oh!

Better dial that back a titch.

Along the front bed.

Okay? Hurry!

Oh, you guys,

I said wear band uniforms.

These are our band uniforms.

We do a John Denver medley.

Huh. Oh, well. I guess

it's too late to change now.

Is that why you're wearing that?

Okay.

Listen, as soon as Hank

gets here with the judge,

start playing-

When the truck passes, fall in behind

and finish at the Ruby.

Chop-chop!

I don't have any confetti.

Would rice work?

Couldn't hurt to try.

They're coming!

Here they come!

Okay, everyone!

They're here! Places!

Just a few more.

Hurry.

Hurry!

I think we may have

pulled this off.

Oh!

Bag of rice was your idea.

- Hey!

- I hope you're happy!

Scope is missing.

I can't deal with this

right now!

I have to finish

planting flowers.

My horse is missing,

and all you can worry about

is your stupid flowers!

- Whoa.

- Why, you!

Whoa!

Okay, buddy.

Let's you and me go for a walk.

Davis! Go!

Just turn on the lights!

Remember this moment, Karen.

Today's the day

that we saved Dog River.

What are you doing?

You're smoking?

Hasn't anyone seen

a detective movie?

Davis, I'm pregnant.

What, pregnant women

can't watch detective movies?

- Eee-ah!

- What were you thinking?!

Me? You're the one

that said use rice.

This is for shirts only!

See? Oh!

Just throw the stupid cigarette out the

window!

Oh! Oh, crap.

You okay, partner?

You hurt?

Where's that cigarette?

Om 'Aah!

Fire!

Go! Go!

Fire! Fire!

All right, don't panic.

We'll deal with this

in an orderly fashion.

Fitzy, you're on fire!

You're on fire!

- Aah!

- Fitzy's on fire!

On fire! Aah!

I don't know what you people consider

quaint, but this is...

- Aaah!

- Whoa!

Crap.

Oh, my God! Brent!

Do you feel dizzy?

I don't know.

On behalf of Dog River, I extend a

hearty prairie welcome...

Oh, give it a rest, Fitzy.

I think it's safe to say

we didn't pull this off.

Hi. Um...

- Tina.

- Tina.

I'm sorry that you had to come all the

way here and see this.

Okay, so the quaint thing

is out the window,

and our town is probably

gonna be bulldozed

and turned into a doughnut depot

or annexed by Wullerton.

[All spit 1

Oh, that's our thing we do.

But however this plays out,

we still have to be there

for each other.

The person who has tried the hardest and

fallen the farthest

is Brent.

So I think the least we can do

is help him

get back on his feet.

Because, honestly, you guys,

if Corner Gas can't survive, then none

of us can.

The town would love to help,

but the coffers are bone-dry.

Are you sure about that, Fitzy?

Karen's been writing

an awful lot of tickets.

- She has?

- Yes!

How many ticket books

did you go through?

Only five.

Five.

Again with the napkins?

With the average ticket price...

Carry the 11.

Holy crap!

Um, I think

we can help a little.

Good work, Officer Pelly!

Just doing my job.

Well, as some of you

may or may not know,

I have sort of been

running a sort of casino

out of, uh, some place.

So, um...

Here you go, pouty puss.

Whoa.

This is a lot of money.

Just don't make a big

whoop-dee-doo about it,

all right?

You know, just I saw

that you needed help, and...

Shut up.

- You are a good and loyal...

- I said shut up.

Okay, look, Brent,

I can't stay mad at you.

So, uh...

I've decided to sell shares in my new

venture-capital project

to... to donate to Brent.

Now, I can't say too much

about the project itself

except that it might

involve a rocket.

It's pretty awesome.

Or you know what?

You could all buy shares

in Brent's bar.

You mean we could be bar owners?

Absolutely.

Brent has been telling me

what a blast he's been having.

Isn't that right, Brent?

He's like his own Ted Danson over there.

Ooh.

I like that Ted Danson.

This could work.

This could really work.

Wait.

Hang on, everybody.

Hold up.

Anything that I get

is just gonna go to Goff-Nuts

or CN Holdings

because of the lawsuit.

This money should really go

to save the town.

I wish those corporate eggheads

were here right now.

We could launch a countersuit.

Right. But we didn't do so well last

time we went to court.

But you might do better

in the court of public opinion.

I don't follow you.

No offense, but the Quaintest Contest is

a lousy assignment.

But this?

This is pure gold.

Do me a favor.

Everyone squish in and smile.

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