Cougar Club Page #9

It's gonna be the last time.

Spencer Holmes

and Marshall Hogan lll.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Yes, ma'am.

Sit down.

So...

I'm supposed to believe

that you two punks

started a club

so you could hook up

with old broads like me.

Well, are there really

any other broads to hook up with?

( both chuckle )

Your Honor?

May I call you Margaret?

Margaret, I'm looking

at you right now

and all I want to do

is just jump over this table

and go to town.

I mean, you are a goddess,

and I'm sorry if I'm, like,

overstepping the bounds

of polite society here,

but I would make love to you

all day and all night,

until you screamed

with an unbearable ecstasy

- like you've never felt before.

- And we, we--

we want to be very clear.

In no way did we ever

exchange money

for sex in our organization.

We charged membership fees.

No different than, uh, meetmart.net

or Christdate.net for that matter.

It's just that our target

was a little more specific,

- one could say.

- Margaret,

I'm gonna venture a guess here.

If I were to come around this table

and gently caress

the back of your neck

with my tongue...

a slight chill would

run down your spine?

Might.

Wow. Ma'am,

this is no pimp operation.

- No ma'am, no ma'am.

- We assure you, it's--

No ma'am, we're bona fide businessmen

with a goal to expand our website

which-- yes, we have a website now.

Eventually we plan

to have a magazine

and then we'll tour

around the country,

branching out to all

the major metropolitan areas,

all so that we can

become acquainted

with women such as yourself.

So sublime, so lush,

- seasoned, exquisite.

- Really?

Yeah.

What about your partner?

Does he feel the same way?

This guy?

This guy. Oh my God.

And then some.

Yeah. Ha.

Prove it.

What-- oh.

Woman:

You drink whiskey

But I drink wine

You wear the watch,

but I keep the time

You're so delicious

But I'm tasty, yeah

You may be fine

- ( moaning )

- But I'm sexy, baby

You may be fine,

but I'm sexy

You may be cute, but I'm sexy

You may be pretty,

but I'm sexy

But I'm sexy,

but I'm...

You may be fine,

but I'm sexy

You may be cute...

Hogan:

Congratulations, Karl.

A few more cases, you can actually

get a car from the 21st century.

Yeah!

And a new bike.

- Stop the car, stop the car.

- What?

- Why? Why?

- Hmm?

- Oh.

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm not gonna waste gas.

- Just give me one second.

- Karl:
Okay.

- Hogan:
Let us dream.

Hey.

I'm sorry that I haven't

returned your phone calls.

I-- I've just been swamped

with getting my real estate license.

It's great to see you.

I didn't know if I ever would again.

I'm glad you're okay.

Yeah yeah.

We're having a party

Saturday night, if you're interested.

It's at 8:
00. I'd love to see you.

Yeah.

Sounds good.

Good.

Maybe.

Okay, bye.

( woman vocalizing )

Let's go...

All:

Whoa!

Here we go, here we go.

- Whoa.

- Nice nice.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Ho.

To Stack, Conrad

and Archibald.

- ( hoots )

- Cheers!

Bastards.

- To Cougar Club!

- Cheers!

- Oh!

- Whoo!

- Cougar Club!

- Damn it, Karl.

I'm feeling it. Mmm!

Take a look around.

This is what can happen

when you dare to say yes.

Couldn't have done it

without you.

True, man. There's so many

ways to say yes.

Yeah, uh-huh, yep,

all right, okay, sure.

It's not even

like foreign languages.

Hey, Karl. Drink up.

Thanks, buddy.

I can't believe it.

She's here.

- Go go go.

- I'll be right back.

Let's go,

let's go dancing

Let's go running...

I am so happy

that you're here.

I wouldn't have missed it.

Let's go dancing

- Let's go running

- ( Marshall cackling )

Let's go

- Whoa!

- Cougar Club!

( all cheer )

Oh my boys,

I'm so proud of both of you.

This is what

you've worked so hard for,

and I know it's what

you've always wanted.

- Oh.

- Oh, thanks, Mom.

- Thanks, Mom.

- Good luck, boys.

Eh, now you're men.

Go and be wise.

- Yeah.

- Thanks, Dad.

- ( stomach growls )

- ( burps, grunts )

Not again.

Honey, where are the orange pills?

- Uh, kitchen.

- Sorry.

Fred:

Go sow your seed!

- Thanks, Dad.

- All right.

- Cookies.

- Oh.

Mom, just how I like 'em.

( all sigh )

All right.

Bye, Mom.

Bye.

( Karl hollers, indistinct )

Yeah!

Teddy:

She's ready to roll, boys.

- Mom:
I love you boys!

- Later, Mom.

Bye!

Be careful!

Liberate me

- Liberate me...

- Mm-hmm!

Liberate me, liberate me...

Hogan:

Bye, Mom!

Around the sun

On the run

Nothing can stop me...

Gardener:

Adios, amigos!

From having my fun

Liberate me

Liberate me, liberate me

Liberate me

Liberate me,

liberate me.

Mom and Dad are home

and they're with Barry Stack.

- F***!

- F***!

F***!

( rock music playing )

Ah!

Ooh.

- Uh...

- Sorry!

Liberate me,

liberate me

Around the sun

On the run

Nothing can stop me

From having my fun

Liberate me, liberate me

Liberate me,

liberate me

Liberate me, liberate me.

( big band music playing )

Ah!

Mmm. Nuh-uh.

( laughs )

( sighs )

( glass shatters )

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes