Coyote Ugly Page #4

- Hi. You look like|you could use a shot. - No, I'm waiting on Lil.

Sorry. It's a no parking zone.|If you wanna sit here, you gotta order a drink.

- Okay. Gimme a glass of water.|- Okay.

- He just ordered water.|- Yeah.

You know what to do.

Um--

Testing. Um, hey, everybody,|this guy just ordered water.

Do we serve water in our bar?

Hell, no! H20!

Jersey! No!

It's okay, Lil!|Nobody orders water in your bar!

He can order whatever he wants.|He's the fire marshal.

Hey, Mike, I'm so sorry.|She's new.

I'm okay.|Let's step outside.

Party|- Nice knowing you, Jersey.

Get naked|- Come on, you guys! Let me hear you!

You okay?

Who am I kidding?|I can't do this.

Of course you can.|Now cheer up,

because there's a really|cute guy at the bar asking for you.

Somebody's asking for me?

He says his name|is Mr. O'Donnell.

He's hot.

Jersey. The fire marshal|threatened to shut me down.

- He let me go with a $250 fine.|- Lil, I'm really sorry--

I'll make you a deal.|You figure out a way to make me 250 tonight,

I'll let you|come back tomorrow.

Great.

So much for|sweet and innocent.

- So, you found me.|- Some guys at work told me where I could look for Coyotes.

Well, take a good look,|because tonight's my last night. I think I'm gonna get fired.

- Why?|- I have to make $250 in two hours.

It's completely impossible.

Here's nine dollars,|just to get you started. Okay?

I always like to help|a friend in need.

Why are you looking at me|like that?

Kevin, I don't want|your money.

All right, uh, listen up.|Ladies.

The bidding will start|at $25...

for one night only.

You get this:
|pure bred, housebroken,

fully trained,|yowling stud.

- No way.|- That's pretty cheap.

Violet, what are you doing?

You said you wanted to help,|so... turn around, sir,

let 'em take a look at ya.

Why are you doing this to me?

It's payback time,|Mr. O'Donnell.

Now, turn around.

No, God, no.|Don't do this.

Go on, show 'em|what you've got.

Are you in?|Do you wanna do this?

- All right, ladies.|What'll you give me? - I've got twenty bucks.

I've got $25 right here.

Make it 35!

Thirty-five dollars!

- Forty dollars!|- Get-- What are you doing?

- Come on, girls, fifty?|- Fifty!

- Sixty-one dollars.|- I've got 70.

- Come on, girls. Seventy-five?|- Seventy-five dollars!

Eighty dollars!|Come on, girls. Do I hear 85?

Ninety!Ninety-five dollars!

One hundred dollars!

- That's it.|- You wanna come home with Mama?

Whoa!Nice!

Oh, yeah!

That's my boy.

- Oh, yeah. Shake it, shake it.|- $125 back here!

$140, right here.|Come on, come on.

My goodness, girls, come on.|One fifty and you'll see the butt.

Come on, girls.|You can do better than this.

One seventy-five.

Yeah!

There we go.|Two hundred dollars!

- You've got 215 right here!|- Two hundred and fifty dollars.

Sold, for $250!

- No!|- Come on up, honey. He's yours.

Damn you!

The blonde would have gone 275.

Come with me.

You're gonna owe me|big-time for this one. That's 250 even.

Mmm. Mmm! Oh.

I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya meet ya one day

I'm gonna meet ya

I'll meet ya

Better close out, girls.

- Can I ask you something?|- What?

What-- What does|"Coyote Ugly" mean?

Did you ever wake up sober|after a one night stand...

and the person you're next|to is layin' on your arm, and they're so ugly...

you'd rather chew off|your arm than risk wakin' them?

- That's coyote ugly.|- Let's go, ladies.

Well, why would you name|your bar after something like that?

Well, because "Cheers"|was taken.

Cabs are out front.

- You're rich,Jersey.|- See ya.

Yeah. Good night.

The woman who purchased me|is named Sandy Rosenfeld, a divorcee with three grown kids,

a passion for long walks|and short-haired hunting dogs and Italian opera.

Her ex-husband is a C.P.A.|Her favorite artist is Van Gogh,

and her New Year's resolution|is to lose 15 pounds-- and to see Barbra in concert.

Okay. I owe you.

What do you want?

Well, it's 3:
30 in the morning.|I want what every man wants.

Breakfast.

And that's it? I go to breakfast|with you, and we're even?

No. We're not even close to even,|because I danced on a bar,

I took off my shirt,|and I unzipped my pants.

Okay. Let's make a deal.|Breakfast and lunch.

- Breakfast, lunch and two dinners.|- That's four dates!

Yep. Which would make it|the second longest relationship I've ever had.

- Getin the car.

Oh, I hate to spoil|your evening, but it looks like we're not gonna go anywhere.

Oh, my God.

It's hard to find parking|in New York.

You ever eaten Turkish?|This is the place.

- Hey. How you doin'?|- Hi, Kevin.

- Four of the regular?|- Sure, yeah. Hey.

- Hey, Kevin. How are you, man?|- How you doin', man? Good.

Here it is, man.|Flown in from Miami.

- Check out the merchandise.|- Hey, man, no. I trust you.

Allright, allright.

Look, uh, I don't know|what you're into, but--

The Amazing Spider-Man,|number 129, mint condition.

- Worth a thousand bucks.|- A comic book.

No, it's not just a comic book.|This is the first appearance of the Punisher.

This is the holy grail|of comic books.

- You collect comic books.|That's so cute. - Yeah.

It's not cute.|It's very rugged and manly.

- It's just a bit kinky. Huh?|- I think it's sweet.

So, do you always eat breakfast|on the hood of your car?

What can I say?|I'm a romantic.

You think this|is romantic?

Well, you may not be feeling it now,|but I think one day...

-you'll be on stage singing|a song about this very night. - Mmm.

"When We Were Downwind|From a Trash Barge."

Yeah. Catchy title.|Hum a few bars.

Sorry to disappoint you,|but I'm a songwriter, not a singer.

When I get on stage,|I freeze.

What if the fate of the free world|rested on your voice?

Okay. If the fate of the free|world depended on me singing,

maybe.

All I ever really wanted|is to sit in the dark...

and hear someone great|singing my songs.

I wanna be the one|who writes the music.

I remember the first time|my mother played me "Bridge Over Troubled Water"...

by Simon and Garfunkel.

I remember exactly|what she was wearing.

I remember exactly how her hair smelled.|I remember exactly how I felt.

And every time|I hear that song,

I remember exactly|what she was wearing...

and exactly|how her hair smelled...

and exactly how I felt.

'Cause the great songs|last forever.

- So, what's the problem?|- Well...

now they're telling me the only|way to get my songs heard...

is to go out there|and sing 'em myself.

So we're gonna have to try fix this|little problem straight away.

Hmm. And how do you propose|we do that?

Well, is there any place|you feel comfortable singing?

- The shower.|- We'll start there.

I mean, I don't care how long|it takes, how many hours we have to spend in that shower.

- Let's get to it.|- Okay. Before we hit the showers,

maybe you could tell me|a little something about yourself.

Oh, really?|What do you wanna know?

What part of Australia|are you from?

I'm from all over.|My family moved around a lot.

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