Craig Ferguson: Does This Need to Be Said? Page #8

I want to tell you this joke,

and we're done.

I love this joke.

This is the best joke

i ever heard.

It's the most beautiful joke

in the world.

No pressure.

It's just a great joke.

I love this joke.

It's a joke which i think says

everything about men and women

And about life

and the universe

And how we must

all come together

And try and love each other

a little bit.

It was a joke made famous

in britain in the 1970s

By a british comedian

called bernard manning,

Who was a lovely man.

Well, he was

a fat, profane alcoholic,

But i liked him.

And he used to tell this joke,

and here it is.

He used to say...

"Ladies and gentlemen...

"I've got my wife

her christmas present.

"For christmas, i got her a pair

of shoes and a vibrator.

If she doesn't like the shoes,

she can go f*** herself."

Sorry, i love that joke.

And that's it. That's the joke

i came to tell you.

And we're done now.

That's it. It's over.

The joke has been told.

Thank you.

No, i'm done.

The only thing

that remains for me to do

Is to thank you

for your southern hospitality,

Your weirdly creepy

friendliness, and your, uh...

And your adorable accents.

Yuguda-Diggada-Doo-Doo.

I'd like to thank you

the only way i really know how...

In the form of a song.

It's a song that goes

a little something like this.

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

i think i did it again

i made you believe

we're more

than just friends

oh, baby

it might seem like a crush

but it doesn't mean

that i'm serious

'cause to lose

all my senses

that is just

so typically me

oh, baby, baby

oops!

I did it again

i played with your heart

got lost in the game

oh, baby, baby

oops!

You think i'm in love

that i'm sent from above

i'm not that innocent

you see my problem is this

i'm dreaming away

wishing that heroes,

they truly exist

i cry watching the days

can't you see i'm a fool

in so many ways?

but to lose all my senses

that is just

so typically me

baby, oh

oops!

I did it again

i played with your heart

got lost in the game

oh, baby, baby

oops!

You think i'm in love

that i'm sent from above

i'm not that innocent

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