Creepshow 3 Page #4

- Hello.

- Hi.

Oh, you really have

to try my pierogis

Okay.

Honey, can you

help me a moment?

Oh, of course, sweetheart.

Boys, I'll be right back.

You know where the bar is.

Help yourself.

Okay is this a joke?

I don't think so. I need a drink.

What're you drinking?

A triple of whatever

that is.

She's not even old enough

to be his granddaughter.

Wait a minute.

What?

The prof did it.

What're you talking about?

Do you remember all the experiments

he's been working on?

I don't know.

He was working on so many.

I remember

the robotic stuff.

- And?

- Then he would joke

that he could create

the perfect woman.

If I could create

the perfect woman,

I'd make sure there was an on/off switch

in there somewhere.

And a volume control.

You got a better

explanation?

You think?

He's a freaking quantum engineer.

You know that.

You and I have both seen

some of the stuff he's done.

Yeah, but this?

Again, do you have

a better explanation?

No.

But I'd say

good for the prof.

You really have to try

my chicken dumplings.

Oh, um...

Dayton had to go to store

to pick up something for me.

Uh, Kathy, are you okay?

Dayton had to go to store

to pick up something for me.

So I guess...

Uh, Kathy, why don't

you sit down?

Okay.

Can I, um...

can I get you a drink?

Oh, no thank you.

Dayton doesn't

like me to drink...

alcohol.

Must be heat

from the kitchen.

I'm not used

to the heat.

So, um, Kathy, how did you

and the professor meet?

Oh, it's kind of funny,

because I really

don't remember,

I mean,

really how we meet.

I only remember

just being with him.

Oh, please, please don't tell

Dayton that I told you this.

Because he tells everyone

some romantic story

about how we met

and he would be

really sad

if I don't remember.

Timer. I'll be right back

with more hors d'oeuvres.

Okay.

What do you think?

What's there to think?

She doesn't drink.

Because liquids would

screw up her circuits.

Exactly. Maybe he hasn't figured out

a way to shield them yet.

Do you think she can eat?

What do you

think she eats?

I don't know.

You really have

to try my pat

So, Kathy,

are you having any?

Me?

No.

Girl has to watch

their figure.

And I won't be able

to fit my wedding gown.

So, when did

you graduate?

- About four years ago.

- The same.

Dayton tells me

you're both engineers.

Mmm-hmm.

I'm engineer too.

Oh, no kidding.

I'll be right back.

- Amazing.

- She's perfect.

Did she just say engineer

or engineered?

The professor,

he's a genius.

Do you remember when the professor used

to play all those practical jokes on us?

The exploding sandwich.

Try the egg sandwiches.

They're delicious.

You keep both hands

on the wheel.

You young people nowadays

don't know how to drive.

Maybe you should try the

bathroom before you go, John.

Long drive ahead.

It still hurts

sometimes, you know.

It wasn't

a real snake, John.

- It was robotics.

- Tell that to my leg.

Of course.

Do you think this

is one of them?

It's gotta be.

Remember when we first got here

and he said we were

"two of his smartest students"?

He's probably somewhere

laughing at us right now.

Don't you get it?

That's why he left us alone with her.

He wants us to

figure out Kathy,

his new and best

invention.

Oh, he almost got us.

What are we gonna do?

Let's pull a prank on him.

Let's find the switch

that'll turn her off.

Hope you liked

my pierogis

- Delicious,

- Yeah.

Good.

I'll be right back.

I'll make some more.

Maybe we could

give you a hand.

Look at this, the culture and design

is just absolute perfection.

This blood is just so real.

Oh my God. I haven't felt

any circuits yet though.

Did you find the circuits?

I think I found it.

Oh my God,

look at this.

The skin's so...

It's perfect!

Perfect!

Hey, Charles.

Charles,

check out the brain.

Look, it even

jiggles the right way.

- Can I touch it?

- Yeah, go ahead.

Oh, oh, oh.

My God.

The nerve endings...

pituitary gland in place.

Everything, it's in here.

Oh, God.

I gotta tell you, man,

this guy's a genius.

This guy's a genius.

The detail

is just impeccable.

Never found

the right end.

- Look at this.

- What?

It's a scrapbook.

I mean, look at this...

pictures and letters.

With... with...

I mean, it's like the detail he's gone

to make this woman real is just unreal.

He's a genius.

"My dearest Emmett. "

"Dating for the Scientific

Community, New Editions. "

"Katia is an engineer

in the University of Moscow.

She specializes

in aeronautics.

She's seeking a warm

and cuddly older gentleman

- with a sense of humor. "

- We finally got him back.

"Rocket scientists preferred.

Must talk to Dr. Farwell

about global transience amnesia. "

What?

Mr. Melancholy,

it's not a big deal.

We're gonna help him put her back

together before the wedding, okay?

What?

John, I think...

What?

What is this?

I think she...

Mail-order bride.

John, she's...

She's... oh God.

Oh my God, Charles.

What're we gonna do?

Oh my God!

Honey, I'm back!

Sorry, guys,

but, uh...

Kathy ordered this cake

and Kathy doesn't drive

so I had to go pick it up.

Kathy?

John?

Charles?

Kathy?

John?

Charles?

Kathy?

John?

Charles?

She sure knows

how to cook!

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Oh bah!

Hey, don't be pushing.

You got a lot of nerve.

I'm a doctor, lady.

Let me tell you,

your food sucks.

I've seen fresher fish

in the LA river

in a drought season!

Okay okay, I'm sorry.

Come on, let's make up.

No, no, no.

Me love you long time.

Me so sorry.

What?

Hey, man.

Can you help me out

with some spare change?

No, man, I'm sorry. But listen, I'm

gonna think good thoughts for you.

Whew! Good thoughts.

Good thoughts.

Hey, just wait.

Be patient.

How 'bout

something to eat?

No, but good thoughts.

Really really good thoughts.

Hold up!

All right, all right.

Let me have a poodle just like his.

One just like his.

Come on, hand it over.

Jeez, let's go.

Spare change?

Hey, here you

go, man.

See?

Thinking good

thoughts for you, huh?

Excuse me, pardon me.

Thank you.

Somebody, please! We need a doctor!

We need a doctor!

Hey, what's going on?

Bad dog.

Huh.

You're late again.

What? All the sick

people go home?

I thought we spoke

about this.

My sentence dictates

that I spend 30 days here. I'm here.

So what do we got?

This is not

a sentence, Doctor.

It's an opportunity

to prove yourself,

to help

the community.

Do you want me

to call the judge

and tell him your

heart's not in it?

Anyone ever tell you you're beautiful

when you're a b*tch?

- No.

- Really?

Seriously,

coffee...

black.

Mrs. Lexington is

ready to be seen.

I'll bring her in.

Go ahead

and sit down.

Be careful,

there is a step.

Very well.

Let me get

this for you.

You can give

me this too.

Mrs. Lexington has

been having some difficulty...

With her vision.

Mmm.

Yes, how did

you know?

Lucky guess.

I'm over here,

darling.

Mmm.

Okay, Mrs. Lexington.

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