Cul-de-sac Page #5

- Will it cook a chicken?

- Yes.

That's right, a chicken. Or anything.

James, there is a tray.

Darling, with his arm -

That's no excuse!

It was always understood

by the master...

that I was simply engaged

to look after the garden...

and help a bit with the chickens.

For once you can lend a hand.

I'm doing the best I can, madam.

Anyway, that's all there is.

There's plenty of everything

in the wine cellar.

You know where that is, don't you?

Uh, shall I go?

With his arm, you know -

- N'est-ce pas, chrie?

- Get the basket from the kitchen.

George will never change.

- He's a Yank, isn't he?

- Oh, Dickie, uh -

James is first-rate.

But he has his little ways.

He's wearing a Christian Dior tie.

Look! Leave the kite alone!

Let the child have his fun!

One would think

you had never been young.

Out of the way, kid.

James...

cook a chicken for lunch in this.

What do you mean

cook a chicken for lunch in this?

Of course. Don't stare like that.

You kill a chicken

and you cook it in this pressure cooker.

Not on your life.

I ain't killing no chicken, madam.

George will do it very well.

Oh, no. No, no. No, no. I'm sorry.

You'll see. There won't be

a single man around to kill this chicken.

I want to kill the chicken.

You are still far too small.

Go and play in the garden.

Yes, come on.

Off you go. Go on. Go and play.

All right then.

Go and catch some shrimps.

Madam, with my arm?

Make an omelet.

Shall I give you a hand?

For an omelet?

You must be joking, sir.

And this is the author room.

Oh. Not a very big room.

He worked by himself.

Oh. Wasn't there anyone?

His slippers.

His pipe.

Well, George, you sly old dog!

What do you mean "sly old dog"?

Oh, you know.

Oh, it is nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

Everything all right?

Yes, of course.

Everything's perfectly all right.

No, but I mean really all right. Hmm?

Why shouldn't everything be all right?

As you see, I'm a happy man.

I've, uh -

I'm retired from business. I -

I'm taking things easy.

And his old - glasses.

Ah, they're lovely.

Heard from Agnes?

No.

Well, now, if there's anything at all

that you need -

- What are you driving at?

- You know, any kind of -

any kind of an emergency.

You must be joking.

I don't know what's the matter with you all.

I told you I -

I've sold my factory.

I'm living the life of Riley.

Take my word for it, old chap.

All right, all right. I won't insist.

But I want you to know

that you can always rely on me.

And don't hesitate.

Now, I won't say another word.

That's just as well.

- What about you? Are you -

- Are you expecting someone?

Yes.

No.

Well, at least, uh, I'm not.

You know, Philip...

you really are beginning

to get on my nerves.

Did he sleep here?

- St. Cuthbert?

- No, our famous author.

This is his desk.

And he wrote all his books with this.

- He wrote it with this?

- Yes. That is one of the original pens.

Uh, this may interest you too -

a few pages of the diary.

This is where he actually wrote it,

you know.

Oh, so it's not just a story?

A story?

Of course it wasn't a story.

But, yes. There was a film.

Philip, you remember. We saw it at the Majestic.

- Majestic, dear?

- Yes, you know very well. With that actor -

- A letter.

- The little short chap?

Yes, with the beard.

- Are you sure it was the Majestic?

- Yes, yes. A color film with all those kilts.

- Do you remember?

- Kilts, kilts.

No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry, I don't.

- He has no memory.

- Oh!

I have other things to remember

than the silly cinema nonsense.

But you couldn't have forgotten.

Actually, I had to make the whole row

stand up because of Horace.

Oh, yes, of course I remember! Oh!

Bonnie Prince Charlie?

No, no! The Roundheads!

The Roundheads, with all those bagpipes?

Jacobites.

Hey, you little brat, stop digging there!

Will you excuse me?

He can't bear to have anybody

interfere with his -

- Flower beds.

- Flower beds.

You are rather too easygoing.

I wouldn't put up

with that fellow's language.

Yes, I know, but good gardeners are

awfully difficult to come by, you know.

And we have the entire grounds

to get into shape.

You'll ruin that painting

hanging it over the fireplace.

- Oh, it doesn't matter.

- George painted it.

Geo - Oh!

It's a very good likeness.

It is the view from the beach, isn't it?

Yes. George has done quite a few.

That's the best one.

As a matter of fact,

he is going to have an exhibition.

What on earth are you talking about?

You're going to have an exhibition?

Hey, you've been hiding things from us.

When are you going to have this show?

Surely you can see

Teresa's pulling both your legs.

She's teaching me to work in oils.

I'm just a Sunday painter

like a thousand others.

Grandma Moses.

My poor Marion.

You really say anything

that comes into your head.

What do you mean

anything that comes into my head?

You know, I remember at school

you were always damn good at sketching.

Grandma Moses was never a Sunday painter.

That's no excuse

for treating me like a fool.

Let me tell you, honey, it wasn't very smart

to ask these people to stay for food.

Let me tell you, honey,

that you have nothing to complain about.

Can I help?

No, no, thank you. It's all right.

What if my friends show up now, hmm?

They will find it quite a job...

- to pack us all into the wine cellar.

-

Laid out, I could pile up quite a few,

couldn't I?

Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ow!

That's it! Smack him good!

- Ow!

- Nobody asked your opinion!

Here, here, here, here!

What's the matter with -

Marion! Marion! What is it?

Treasure, what happened?

That froggy b*tch pulled my ear off!

Here, here, here!

Who taught you to speak like that?

Mummy did!

That'll teach you to lie!

Wait. We didn't come here

for a meal, you know?

All we wanted was the pleasure

of being together.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Anyway -

We won't be short of mead, will we?

If these ladies and gentlemen...

wished to be properly welcomed...

they should have had the courtesy

to have telephoned in advance.

By the way,

is your telephone out of order?

Uh, uh - Out of order?

- Well, nobody answered.

- Oh, yes. Uh -

No, that is, um -

I, uh - I think we must have been

down on the beach.

Aye. That's what we thought, wasn't it?

Cheers.

This -

Oh, that child isn't eating a thing.

I want to get down!

Now don't swing your legs like that.

Eat up.

- Now listen to your mother and eat up.

- I want to get down!

Oh, no use forcing him, love.

All right. Come on.

Off you go. Go and play.

Go on.

Ooh. Ooh!

Christopher.

A young neighbor of ours.

His parents own a, um - a villa across the bay.

- Would you care for a bite?

- Uh, no, thank you. I've already eaten.

Did you get home all right last night?

Yes, yes. Mother was seasick again,

but we got home okay.

I can make it.

Did you buy that at Vince?

Vince?

I have a girlfriend

who has one just like it.

She bought it at Vince

in Carnaby Street.

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