Daddy Day Care Page #2

We gotta pull Ben out of Chapman.

It's too much money.

What will we do for child-care?

- Are you gonna stay home with him?

- No, I'm not gonna stay home with him.

We just gotta find something

more affordable, that's all.

- This is the right address.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- We can at least check it out.

- Ben is not going here.

Looks can be deceiving. I'll go look.

Looks can be deceiving?

We're in a trailer park!

I'm looking for the preschool.

Yes, it is.

Welcome to the...

Sorry.

Welcome to the Touch of Eden Preschool.

- Can I help you?

- No, thank you.

- Is this the right address, here?

- I think so.

We keep the children right around here.

Go ahead. After you, ma'am.

Okay.

- Where'd you get this address?

- You picked this place.

We should report this to somebody.

That's what I'm talking about.

I knew there had to be

at least one decent place.

It looks all right.

This is the police.

We have you surrounded.

All right, Charlie. Give up the keys.

I don't know where the keys are.

Don't even try it.

- Why don't you drive the minivan?

- No. We talked about this last night.

You're staying home with Ben.

I'm driving the Mercedes.

You have me driving around town

in the dumb minivan all day.

Is the top down?

You know what, Kim?

Be careful. Don't just park it anyplace.

Be careful getting in and out of the car.

Don't get any dings in the door.

Come here.

Make sure you put good gas in there.

If you put in the cheap stuff...

the engine will start knocking,

and I don't want that.

You don't leave milk in the car

with the windows rolled up.

Always buckle up the car seat.

Don't park in the sun

or the seats will get too hot.

And no juice unless it's in a sippy cup.

Bye, baby.

Can you give a call,

tell us what time you'll be back?

Because we'll be here waiting,

just the two of us.

Bye, Mum.

Not too fast!

See you later.

When's Mummy coming back?

She'll be back around dinnertime, Mummy.

Is dinnertime soon?

No, but don't you worry.

We're going to have a lot of fun.

But we need Mummy to have fun.

Are you trying

to just break me down in the driveway?

- Why you want to break your father down?

- I'm sorry.

That's better. You broke me down smooth.

- My eyes welled up.

- I'm sorry.

- You made my eyes well up.

- Okay, let's...

- Look at my eyes.

- I see your eye twitching.

We're going to have fun!

Do you know how to change a diaper?

Yes, but I thought Max was potty-trained.

Believe me, so did I.

Don't do that to me! What are you...

He's throwing things at me, and it smells.

I really need your help!

- Are you potty-trained?

- Yes.

You got to go stinky?

Yes.

Then, go on. Go stinky, then.

You have a nauseous ache in your stomach

that you're a worthless failure?

We are worthless failures.

Hey, guys.

- Hey, Peggy. How you doing?

- Good.

What's going on, Nicky?

He can be a little hard

to understand sometimes.

Honey, go play. Have a good time, have fun.

Stay away from that cat poop.

- Hija? What'd he just say?

- God, I haven't a clue.

The doctor says it's just a phase, but...

It kept him out of Chapman.

Jerks.

Put that mouse down!

Give it to me!

What are you...

Charlie, I think it's great,

you guys being full-time dads.

We're real giants among men.

You are. You should be proud.

Most guys don't know who their kids are.

Joe still hasn't found anything?

No, and he's driving me crazy.

I should go back to work,

but what about Nicky?

Dead mouse.

There's no good alternative to Chapman.

If someone opened a decent day care

program here, they'd make a killing.

Nicky, what did I say about the cat poop?

What?

A day care centre? You and me?

It's a completely underserved market.

Harridan has a monopoly on this suburb.

All we have to do is come in...

establish ourselves as the value

alternative, and we'll clean up!

- You think I'd be good at child-care?

- Absolutely.

Excuse me? Are these your kids?

No.

- Remember when you broke my yo-yo?

- I did not break your yo-yo.

- Yes, you did.

- I did not break your yo-yo.

Your yo-yo was broke.

You're killing me. You're really killing me.

I'm home!

- You said let's do this together.

- No, Daddy!

What's going on here?

A day care centre. In our house?

Yes, Phil's apartment's only

a two-bedroom place.

This is crazy on 10 different levels.

What do you both know about

running a day care?

It's not rocket science.

We applied for a licence.

It couldn't be any more simple.

- Daddy.

- What you want? The rocket ship?

- That's what you wanted, right?

- Milk.

You wanted milk? I'm sorry. He wanted milk.

Rocket man needs milk when he's flying.

It's for strong bones, in case you crash.

We understand each other.

What you think about this?

We're talking about other people's kids.

Do you understand that responsibility?

I'll be just as careful with them

as I am with Ben.

Don't be rubbing your head into stuff.

Watch where you're walking.

What about when you get a real job?

Just leave the parents hanging?

We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

It won't be permanent.

We won't get rich from this,

but it might keep us out of bankruptcy.

- I don't know, Charlie.

- Come on, Kim.

I can't just sit around here.

I got to try to do something.

Come on. I need this.

I guess you better start

handing out those fliers.

All right.

- It makes much more sense...

- Me, too.

Okay, you want me to give you a hug?

Here's a big hug. Group hug.

Excuse me. When you get a chance...

Here you go, Daddy Day Care.

Hey, little karate guy.

Daddy Day Care, karate girl.

Hello! Daddy Day Care.

Hello, how are you?

Here you go. If you get a chance...

When you get a chance,

have a look at that. Thank you.

If it's not too much trouble,

when you get a chance...

"Warm, nurturing, experienced parents...

"providing exceptional child-care

at affordable prices. "

The "experienced" part

is what I have to take issue with.

I give it three days.

You two guys are running

a day care centre?

You're signing up people

at a lemonade stand on the front lawn?

Good luck with that. Come on, Paul.

Wait. Don't you believe in equality

amongst the sexes?

Can't men do everything women can do?

No, we can't. It's unnatural.

Little bit eeky.

You're guys?

What did you think Daddy Day Care meant?

I thought maybe one guy. Not only guys.

I just thought it was a clever name.

- Is this the day care place?

- They're all guys.

They're what?

Excuse me. Listen.

We are two loving, caring parents.

We run a day care centre.

You're a couple of sickos!

How about a free trial offer?

Sickos!

- Oh, dear.

- Come on!

Hi, Peggy! Hi, Nicky. How you doing?

Nicky is so excited for his big day.

- How old are you? Oh, yeah, five.

- I got it.

Wait. You're leaving Nicky here

with these guys?

You have trouble with them being guys?

Are you from the Dark Ages?

Aren't you for gender equality

and all that jazz?

Peggy, come on. Of course we are.

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