Daddy Day Care Page #8

but you can come visit me at work.

And Daddy will be home at night

and on the weekends.

- We'll still have lots of fun together.

- Will Phil and Marvin still be here?

No, I'm sorry, little man.

They won't be around anymore.

It's just for a while, right?

Then you're going to come back

and do Daddy Day Care again.

No, this is from now on.

Daddy Day Care,

we're not doing that anymore, Ben.

Let me explain it to you like this:

If Daddy does this, I can get money for us.

And I can use that money

to take care of the house and to buy food...

and clothes and toys for you to play with.

I'll sell all my toys.

Why you want to sell all your toys?

If I don't have toys, we don't need money,

and you can stay with me.

I wish it was that simple, Ben.

The development department will have

the first samples ready by next week.

Okay, let's kick it around.

What do you think of

when you think of cotton candy?

- Clowns.

- Chocolate.

Cavities.

Hyperactivity, cavities, and dentist bills.

That's what I...

I've been to the other side

and I've seen firsthand.

When kids eat this stuff, they crash down

so hard they need an air bag.

You know what

the ingredients are to these balls?

- Puffs.

- They're "puffs. " I'm sorry.

You know what's in here?

Red dye number four and sugar.

You know what? Charlie is absolutely right.

You can't ignore the reality.

Parents are not going to want to buy

this product for their kids.

Not unless those kids stomp and scream...

and bang their little heads on the floor

till blood comes out of their ears.

Charlie, you got those figures

that I gave you?

Yeah, I got them right here.

Just give me a second to...

We had an independent marketing firm

do some preliminary research...

to sort out the core value of this product.

The subjects that were tested,

aged two to six...

which are key branding years...

- Charlie, you want to join us?

- I'm sorry about that, Jim. Yeah.

Why don't you tell everybody

what the core value is?

What's the most important thing?

My kid.

My kid, Jim, that's the most important thing.

And I think I've made a tremendous mistake.

And so, I quit.

What are you doing to me? You scared me.

- How was the marketing meeting?

- I quit.

- What?

- I quit.

- You quit?

- I quit and I feel great.

- You should quit with me.

- I should quit?

- You should quit right now.

- We just got here.

You want to feel how I'm feeling?

Quit. Come on.

- Quit!

- Quit with me.

You weren't going to sell the carrot suit,

were you? The kids love that.

This stuff...

is not for sale!

A literal reader of the text might say...

that Goldilocks ate the "porridge"...

because she was "hungry. "

But what would Freud say?

Language skills are a critical component

of childhood development.

They're part of the core curriculum

here at Chapman.

If you'll follow me this way.

On the path of life,

the proper first steps are essential.

With our firm guidance, your children...

will take those steps right here at Chapman.

Our philosophy is that

a child is like a climbing vine.

With structure to cling to,

and the right gardener to tend them...

- they'll grow to the sky.

- That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

We're not talking about plants,

we're talking about kids.

I know you don't want this woman pruning

and cutting and weeding your 3-year-olds.

Some people are uncomfortable

with achievement.

No, what I'm uncomfortable with

is treating a little kid like it's an adult.

If your kids come here, they'll be

miserable in four different languages.

Five. We start Portuguese in the fall.

How many languages

do you listen to them in?

You ever stop trying to shove knowledge

down their throat and just talk to them?

Listen to what they want.

They're children,

they don't know what they want.

Yes, they do know what they want.

All of them. And they're all different.

We took some time, talked to the kids,

got to know them a bit.

- It made a difference. It helped them.

- Please. Share your success.

Why don't you tell these people exactly

how you help their children?

Max over here is potty-trained now, okay?

- I don't miss.

- That's right.

- And Becca learned how to read.

- Yes, I did.

And Crispin is the most polite kid

you'd ever want to meet.

- Thank you, Charlie.

- You are most welcome, Crispin.

And I made friends.

That's right, little man,

you made some friends.

As of this moment Daddy Day Care

is back in business.

- Don't be a fool. You won't make a nickel.

- We might not get rich, but we'll manage.

Excuse me. All right.

How about that?

Any boob can run a child-care centre.

It takes a family to raise some children.

- We're going to be a family from now on.

- Family? What a laughable concept!

We'll just laugh our way down the driveway.

- Have a pleasant day.

- Bye, Miss Harridan.

Come on! Let's go!

Get in there! Come on! Let's go!

Come on! Hold up!

- Everybody's holding hands, right?

- Right.

Let's go.

"Daddy Day Care. "

Jennifer, how could you?

It's a really great place to work.

You should apply there.

Or not.

- Have a nice day, Miss Harridan.

- That's nice.

Stop!

Help!

Help! Stuck!

All right, here I come.

What's going on here?

Help!

I'm stuck!

Loser.

Loser.

Little man.

I'd say this wasn't a bad trade-off.

Yeah, Dad.

And, action.

We can spend... You know, we can't spend

money without having it.

Hold on one second.

What, are you being beamed up?

- It's Captain Kirk.

- It is!

Action.

- What are you doing to me?

- Pudding on my hand.

Okay, wait a minute.

- I would never push you in a sticker bush.

- You couldn't push me.

No, I'd use a shovel on you.

Busy.

Some other kids around here

hanging out with you. How that sound?

- See, you going to have to work on it.

- Mazel tov.

Remember when you broke my yo-yo?

- I broke...

- And you never gave me a new one.

That's why you sent me to bed.

You've been writing.

No, I can't even write my letters.

What's going on here?

You're killing me. You're really killing me.

Joe Frazier's Smokin' Skillets!

These skillets were made

in the City of Brotherly Love.

- That's a good thing.

- Okay, Eddie.

They gave you

a little too much direction, didn't they?

Okay, stop before you pee on yourself.

- What is my line?

- "I'll sell all my toys. "

I'll sell all my toys.

I'll say my other line over again,

because I messed it up. I say, "You... "

- Action!

- Okay, thank you.

- Let it go for a second. There.

- Thank you.

That's why I know

we haven't been to the moon.

Miss Harridan says

it's preparing me for my future.

- You hungry?

- Yeah.

- What do you feel like eating?

- A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

- I don't know.

- After this scene.

If I give you...

What's so funny?

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