Dames Page #4

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And this is Buttercup Balmer.

And I'm Jimmy Higgens.

- Hello, Jimmy.

- Hello.

You're not related

to Horace P. Hemingway?

- He's my father.

- The sausage casing Hemingways?

- Yes, why?

- Oh, nothing.

Nothing. I just seemed to see

a meal ticket coming over the horizon.

Jimmy, please. Let's get out of here.

No, wait a minute.

I'm getting an idea.

Yes, I've got it.

You say you've got a show?

Have you got $20,000 to put it on?

I've got 17 cents and the clothes I stand in.

But there's life in the old girl yet.

Let's you and me go into a conference.

Beat it, Buttercup.

Come on, Johnny.

Miss Hemingway, if you please.

Goodbye now.

She's got a nerve.

My friend, what kind

of a show have you got?

It's a great musical show,

got the swellest songs you ever heard.

Is that a fact? Well, let me hear one.

I got one here I think you'll like.

It's called:

"Try To See it My Way."

Here we go.

Girl of my heart

Why should we start

Quarreling you and I?

That's a very bad beginning

Ending with goodbye

You're a bit wild

Simply a child

Wanting your own sweet way

So before you leave me

Count up to 10

While I say

Try to see it my way, baby

Don't break up a beautiful affair

- What are you smiling at?

- Isn't that a sweet song I wrote?

Why is he singing my song to her?

I guess that's the way a crooner works.

- tried to see it your way

Tried to understand your point of view

But I don't want to see it your way

'Cause your way means we're through

Let's both sit down and talk a while

That's all that I suggest

A word of love, a tender smile

And a kiss or two will do the rest

Your way is the last goodbye way

My way is the end of every tear

Won't you try to see it my way?

Try to see it my way, dear

- Well, what are they doing now?

- Maybe they're planning a double suicide.

- That's swell.

- Wait till you hear the rest of them.

There's a great part for you.

- Help me put the show on.

- All right. The show's on and I'm in.

All you've got to do is get me a private

interview with Horace P. Hemingway.

- Is that all you need?

- I'll get enough money...

...to finance Ben-Hur

with solid-gold horses.

- Let's shake on it.

- I'll raise you one. We'll kiss on it.

Barbara. The show's in. Mabel's done it.

I don't care what she's done.

And I don't care what happens

to your show or to you.

Oh, Barbara, Barbara...

Business before pleasure.

Wait, let's see if I've got it.

Yep, there it is. There's the backer

of our show, and there's the billet-doux.

Look out, Uncle Tom Hemingway, here

comes Mabel Legree a-cracking her whip.

Thus, my friends, we form tonight

the kernel of the nut which is to be.

That nut is the Ounce Foundation

for the E. Of the A.M.

Oh, thank... Thank you.

Thank you.

Those magic letters

signify so much to all of us.

What does it mean? My friends,

the elevation of American morals.

That's what it means.

The nut I refer to is going to be

a hard nut to crack.

We all know what a task lies before us.

You know what a task lies before you.

You know, you know and you know.

And if the O.F. For the E. Of the A.M.

Shall prevail, and it must prevail...

...every theater in our

wicked city shall be closed.

Mr. Horace P. Hemingway,

our vice president...

...will conclude the meeting.

Mr. Horace P. Hemingway.

All right, folks, our honored president

has declared war on the wicked.

Now if you'll just pick up the little

slips of paper which you have...

...we shall all join in the battle cry.

Rise, please.

Now, all together.

"The Ounce Foundation

for the Elevation of American Morals.

Who are we?

The Ounce Foundation

for the Elevation of American Morals.

Rah-rah-rah.

Ziss-boom bah.

The O.F. For the E. Of the A.M."

The meeting is dismissed.

Thank you. Thank you.

- I'm so glad you could come.

- Goodbye.

- Wonderful.

- The Ounce Foundation.

We are fathering... I mean, mothering

a great movement. Yes, indeed.

Good night. Thank you.

Don't forget the Ounce Foundation

for the Elevation of American Morals.

The Ounce Foundation...

- Is Jimmy there?

- No, he's out. Say, listen, Barbara.

We're writing in a little

dance tune for you.

- But where's Jimmy?

- Out with Mabel, digging up our financing.

Don't write any dance tune for me.

Write them for his Mabel.

I don't ever wanna see him again.

- Was I all right with the battle cry?

- Yes, yes.

- Thank you, Cousin Ezra.

- I was proud of you, Horace.

- Yes, it was a remarkable fine meeting.

- Oh, I was thrilled to the core.

- Me too.

- Let me see. Oh, it's 10:00.

Way past our bedtime.

Good night. Sleep well

so your loins may be girded for the battle.

- Same to you, Cousin Ezra. Same to you.

- Thank you.

- Good night, Horace.

- Good night, dear.

"Please don't mention

this unfortunate night to a soul.

Horace P. Hemingway."

You dreadful woman.

How did you get in my room?

Hello, Horace.

- You can't smoke in here.

- I am smoking.

Do I smell cigarette smoke?

Not in this house, Ezra.

Must be someone burning garbage.

Well, good night, Mathilda.

Good night, Ezra.

How did you get in here?

What did you want?

- Twenty thousand dollars.

- T... Twenty what?

Twenty thousand of these.

Twenty thousand dollars.

- Go away.

- Look, honey.

We've played this scene before,

we know how it goes.

Now please don't waste any time.

Give.

Every time I come into this room

I'm afraid of finding you.

I dream about it at night.

I wake up in a cold sweat.

Are you gonna quit stalling

or am I gonna start screaming?

- You wouldn't dare.

- Cousin Ezra...

- What was that?

- Sounds like it came from down here.

Horace?

Yes, Ezra?

Did you hear something just now?

No.

That was just the plumbing.

You mean that little:

"Ezra"?

Was that the plumbing?

Y... Yes, Mathilda.

Just a little wind in the pipes.

I've heard many a wind in many a pipe,

but never a sound like that.

Well, now, Ezra,

you'd better go back to bed.

Well, there's something amiss here.

I can feel it in my bones.

- Good night, Ezra.

- Good night, Mathilda.

- If you ever scream like that again...

- I'll never scream like that again.

Next time you'll hear me a mile away.

It won't sound like no wind in the pipes.

- What will you do?

- What'll you do, Horace?

Don't call me by my first name.

- Okay, P. P's your second name, isn't it?

- P stands for Peter.

All right, Pete, how about the 20 grand?

I feel another scream coming on.

You'd rather give me $20,000 than

lose Ezra's 10 million, wouldn't you?

- How'd you know about that?

- A little bird.

W... Where you going?

- To tell Cousin Ezra what a Romeo you are.

- Oh, no.

I'll tell him about our night.

That we were train roommates.

- I'll show him your card.

- How much?

- Twenty-five thousand.

- You said 20 before.

- Why didn't you pay me before?

- That's every cent I've got.

- I'd cry, but I haven't a handkerchief.

- If I give it to you...

...will you give me the card,

let me alone?

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