Damsels in Distress Page #3

Unkind, self-righteous

and pedantic.

ln short, a model journalist.

You should know something

about these girls.

They run the suicide center where

their preferred therapy for depressed...

...and suicidal people is...

...tap dancing.

- l kid you not.

- Tap is a highly effective therapy...

...as well as a dazzlingly

expressive dance form...

...that has been sadly neglected

for too many years.

lt's moronic and barbaric.

You expect tap dancing

to solve people's problems?

No, we don't.

We're using the whole range

of musical dance numbers...

...which have proven themselves

to be effective therapies...

...for the suicidal

and the hopelessly depressed.

That really got me down.

- l thought you handled it well.

- You did? Thanks.

No, it's all this aggression

and hostility that gets me down.

Not just his but also my own.

lt leaves you feeling unclean.

Have you thought of taking a shower?

Maybe you'd feel better.

You're probably right.

No, there's something else.

What Lily was saying about me

being conceited and arrogant.

- l'm sorry.

- No, l think you're right.

l'm really ashamed.

- You're joking.

- No, it's terrible how l've acted.

We're all Christians.

Or l should say Judeo-Christians.

Humility should be our watchword.

The essence of being a good person.

Humility comes from within.

lf it's not there in the first place,

where do you go to get it?

l stopped looking a long time ago.

Very good, Freak.

- You really think so?

- Yes. Certainly.

- Five, six, seven, eight.

- Violet.

ls it such a good idea

to call him Freak?

What?

He's already depressed

and you're calling him Freak.

That's his name. Freak. Freak Astaire.

That's how he wants to be called.

What are you talking about?

Lily was just saying

she likes your dancing.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Are you okay?

What do you mean?

l thought you looked sad

and was wondering...

- ...if there was anything we could do.

- What could you do?

Oh, l know.

You think l'm gonna kill myself

and make you look bad.

No, l'm worried that you'll kill yourself

and make yourself look bad.

Do you have any idea

how demoralizing it is...

...to be constantly questioned

about whether you're suicidal or not?

No.

After a while, you wonder,

why is everyone asking me this?

They want me to be suicidal?

Or is it just the consequence

of your utter absurdity?

Excuse me.

What scent are you wearing?

- What are you talking about?

- The perfume you're wearing.

l'm not wearing any perfume!

You see, that could be the problem.

- l've become friends with a group.

- Really?

- Although they're perfume-obsessed.

- Oh, them? Those girls?

The ones who volunteer

at the center?

- Yeah.

- But they're terrible.

The blond one? She's notorious.

- What do you mean?

- Such a b*tch. Terrible, isn't she?

- Would balsamic be okay?

- What?

Balsamic vinegar. For the dressing.

Yeah, sure.

- What's that?

- What?

- Those.

- Artichokes?

ls that what they look like?

Come on, Lily.

You've seen an artichoke before.

- You haven't?

- They look so weird.

l'm not convinced that having

a suicide-prevention center...

...prevents any suicides.

Well, the coffee's good.

lf someone were determined

to destroy themselves...

- ...l don't think they'd stop for coffee.

- lt depends on what it tastes like.

- Where are we going?

- l thought l'd take Priss over to DU.

Why?

lt might be helpful

for her to meet some of the guys.

How would that be helpful?

They're morons.

- Oh, come on, Lily.

- No, they're morons.

No. Not medically. l like them.

They're in that sympathetic range

of being not good-looking...

...and yet not smart.

There's something likable about that.

Spending time with them, you get the

sense that you're making a difference.

For somebody suicidal, like Priss,

that could be a real boost.

- l'm not suicidal.

- Oh, that's good.

lt's better not to have an identity

as a suicidal person, don't you think?

- Well, bye.

- Well....

- Where are you going?

- Over to Xavier's.

- ls that a good idea?

- Why wouldn't it be?

- ls his girlfriend gonna be there?

- Of course.

- Gosh, you're nosy.

- No, no, it's just a general foreboding.

"Foreboding"?

You know, you're absolutely right.

l was being nosy.

Terribly so.

- l've gotta watch that.

- Yes, we must improve ourselves.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Bye.

Lily.

- You were coming over?

- Hey. Yeah. ls Alice home?

Alice is working.

- Oh, she is?

- But it's not a problem.

lt's good you came.

Let's go to the Oak Bar.

l'll buy you a beer.

- l thought Alice would be back.

- l'll call her. She'll join us there.

Come on.

Okay.

She's actually quite a good person.

Her entire identity

revolves around helping people.

You really think that's true?

What's she have against

The Complainer? That's bizarre.

Well, she thinks the editor, Rick

DeWolfe, is completely egotistical.

And your friend isn't?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi, Lily.

- Hi.

- Great. You got the message.

- Yeah.

- Who's egotistical?

- Lily's roommate.

She sounds unbearable. She's on

a rampage against The Complainer.

Really? Why?

She thinks the editor,

Rick DeWolfe, is conceited.

- And, in fact, quite mean.

- Mean?

Yes. He wants to close

the Seven Oaks Roman Letter Clubs.

That's good, isn't it?

Everyone was against them.

- No.

- Come on.

There's no justification

for those places.

They're exclusive and elitist.

The point that Violet makes

is that they can't be elitist.

- They're morons.

- Yeah, elitist morons.

You'll grant they're morons.

That's a handicap.

Such people should be helped,

not hounded and persecuted.

- Persecuted?

- Yes, losing the roof over your head?

That's the worst thing

that can happen.

Violet thinks there could be

some risk of suicide.

Because some boy might kill himself,

Seven Oaks can't do what's right?

lt's a factor to be considered.

- Yeah.

- No, it isn't.

You can't set policy that way.

- Excuse me, we didn't order these.

- Compliments of the guy at the bar.

That's a playboy or operator move.

Operators like that are to be avoided.

Why? lt seems generous, sending

drinks to people you don't know.

- Drinks are expensive.

- Drinks to two gorgeous girls.

His intention was to seduce

and he assumed he could.

- Both?

- That seems a bit harsh.

You don't know what he was thinking.

Was he alone?

Yes.

You see?

He was alone and probably lonely.

He could see that Alice and Lily

were students.

Students are known

for their intelligent conversation.

They can always talk

about their courses.

That was probably

what attracted him.

Nonsense.

Perhaps his view was even loftier.

To court Lily

with a view to matrimony.

We're in the north,

but a southern gentleman...

...can wander into these parts.

Rubbish.

Seeing Lily across a crowded bar filled

with the usual undergraduate slobs.

Why wouldn't a thoughtful

young man seek her out?

She's lovely.

lsn't it incumbent on men and women

to find ways to meet each other?

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