Damsels in Distress Page #9

Violet's ideas

might seem a little offbeat--

A little? Oh, my God. l don't know

how much you know about Violet...

...but there's some

pretty weird stuff.

You know, Violet. Violet Wister.

lt's not even her real name.

- lt isn't?

- No, it's Emily Tweeter.

When she was 11,

she went completely crazy...

...and has had several

relapses since.

So it's a little worrisome to have her

counsel nearly suicidal individuals.

l can't believe it.

- What?

- Emily Tweeter.

ln first grade, l had an enormous crush

on a girl with that name.

- And you remember that?

- Yeah.

Pretty huge Dr. Zhivago stuff.

Any idea or even mention of her

filled me with emotion.

l had a strange perspective

on the world.

l don't think my brain

was functioning properly.

Everything was a bit of a dream.

You think this was Violet?

You have any idea if Violet

attended willamette Montessori?

ln Portland?

- We didn't order these.

- Compliments of the guy at the bar.

lt was so brutal

how it ended between us.

l know l was too angry

and a bit crazy...

...but l thought that what we had

was stronger than that.

That you would not just walk away

after one disagreement.

lt wasn't just that.

You mean my Cathar beliefs.

Well...

...l am no longer a Cathar.

How is that possible?

lt's been very difficult.

You've dropped your adherence

to the Cathar faith?

- Yes, l have.

- Good.

Normally l'd be reluctant to comment

on anyone's religion, but....

What?

l'm sorry. l guess--

l guess l'm a bit of a bigot. l just--

l could never take seriously any

religion that worships on Tuesdays.

Major religions require worship on the

weekend. Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

l find it just really laudatory...

...that people sacrifice

their weekend time to worship God.

Having the Sabbath on Tuesday

always seemed very bizarre to me.

lt's not right.

You know what?

We'd better get to the Lone Star.

Why are you so concerned

about that?

Well, it's not as if international

dance crazes start every day.

We'd better hurry.

What's wrong?

Another fiasco.

Sometimes our struggle reminds me

of the myth of Sisyphus.

- Who?

- The myth about the guy...

...who pushes an enormous rock

only to have it keep rolling back.

Oh, yeah. What a knucklehead.

The important thing to remember

is that he was mythical.

He never really existed.

Violet? Did you spend any part

of your education...

...at Willamette Montessori?

ln Oregon?

Why?

Sound like "tweaker."

Would you say today is very gray?

l'd say so. Maybe blue-gray.

Yeah, no, that rings a bell now.

Bye.

l'm sorry. Her name wasn't

Emily Tweeter, but Lucy Wurlitzer.

They're not similar. l'm beginning

to realize that the human memory...

...is not the foolproof instrument

we sometimes imagine.

What's worse, everyone knew about

my obsession, including my parents...

...those from whom

l most wanted it kept.

So from your earliest years, you were

already a playboy or operator type?

Yes. l suppose that's why secrecy

seemed so desirable.

Violet, can we talk?

- What's the plural of doofus?

- Doufi.

Not doofuses?

You can say either.

"Doufi" respects the Latin root

and is preferred.

"Doofuses" is also correct,

although a bit inelegant.

- You've thought a lot about this.

- Yes, l've had to.

Why? What is it?

l like Fred, he's a nice guy.

And l can see why you like him.

When l first met you and Rose,

l thought you were the cool crowd.

And in many ways you are. l find your

perfume and fashion sense excellent.

Thank you.

But there's a reason, l think...

...why you are

so strongly attracted to...

...doufi.

And it's not an accident

how different groups divide up.

lsn't that a rainbow?

- That's a rainbow!

- Thor.

No, Thor! Thor, no! Stop!

Please, stop!

He's headed for Robertson Hall!

Red. Orange.

Yellow. Green. Blue. lndigo.

Hallelujah! Lord God, thank you.

Education. Education.

We can learn the subjects

we set out to master...

...no matter how hard

or impossible they may seem.

Thank you.

Thank you.

l wasn't sure l was gonna make it.

Magenta.

Pink. Mauve.

l miss my nice American friend.

No, you're mistaken.

- You go to London for four weeks?

- Six.

lt's dangerous,

parents letting children travel.

They send them off and they don't

know what they'll be getting back.

l don't know what you're referring to.

You're not from London.

l'm from London.

l was there, now l'm here.

l'm from London.

l just miss my nice American friend.

Nice?

Nice? Fine. l'm fine.

Those are not adjectives

l like to use.

God gave us abilities.

He requires that we use them.

Good, better, best,

excelsior, higher.

Only excellence

can glorify the Lord.

Vulgarity is, in essence,

blasphemous.

l'm sorry

for what l was saying before.

Of course you're not linked

to the doufi...

...or even

that such distinctions are valid.

No, don't apologize.

l probably do have a doufi orientation.

But behind coolness,

isn't there a certain repressing...

...squashing down, or lack

of cultivation of one's humanity?

Oh, so you think that cool people

have less humanity?

No, l don't think cool people

are entirely inhuman.

Just enough to be cool.

ln our society,

there's all this propaganda...

...in favor of uniqueness,

eccentricity, et cetera.

But does the world really want

or need more of such traits?

Aren't such people

usually terrible pains in the neck?

What the world needs

to work properly...

...is a large mass of normal people.

l would like to be one of those.

Sorry.

But you'll still do the part?

Yeah, of course.

So do you know every number...

- ...in every Fred Astaire movie?

- There were two in our school musical.

- l know those.

- Did performing those two numbers...

...help you overcome feelings

of discouragement and despair?

Absolutely.

Freak.

Hey, everybody,

let's do the Sambola.

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