Dangerous When Wet Page #3

Now, listen, listen, all of you.

Remember, you're homespun, wholesome,

and you love Liquapep. Remember that.

Now, will the band

kindly stop playing, please?

Will the band kindly stop playing, please?

Quiet!

Thank you.

Mayor Fitzwilliams-Peckham...

...it gives me great pleasure

to introduce the Higgins family.

How do you do?

It gives me great pleasure to welcome you

to England.

Thank you.

Thank you. And now, America's own...

...Miss Kathryn Higgins has a few

words to say.

- A few words? I don't know have anything...

- I wrote a speech for you.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- You can read it. There it is.

"Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen..."

I can't read it.

Here, here. There.

"It is indeed a privilege

to stand here before you...

...and see your smiling faces.

You have no idea...

...how thrilled we were at our first glimpse

of your sparkling shores..."

Folks, wherever you are,

we're very happy to be here...

...and we'll do our best

to swim your channel. Thank you.

After all, it's only water.

That's pretty funny.

Well, like I said, it's only water.

But there's so much of it.

Oh, dig those crazy waves.

Hey, look, Ma.

Which one of you is gonna

make the attempt?

The whole family, Mac.

The Liquapep family.

I wish you good luck.

Thirty miles, a fine swim for anyone.

Thirty miles?

Thirty?

You said it was only 20 miles.

Well, it is only 20. I read it.

I can prove it to you on a map.

That's as the sea gull flies.

The average swim is 30.

Sometimes a wee bit more.

You cannot swim in a straight line.

You have to zigzag with the currents.

I've seen them come and I've seen them go

and there's many I've helped drag out...

...more dead than alive.

But, as I say, good luck to you.

Morning.

The Egyptian entrant.

German.

Danish...

...Canadian, Argentinean, Brazilian.

English, Norwegian, Finnish, French.

Hey, bonjour, kid.

"Belle Blanche."

One, two, three, four, five.

Hey, four more letters than Liquapep.

Excuse me, sir.

Just one more question, please.

What is the longest channel swim

on record?

42 miles.

You mean I have to row 42 miles?

Well, we conquered the Winapoochet.

We'll conquer the channel.

We start training tomorrow.

I got out of bed on the right side

On the bright side

On the light side

I got out of bed on the right side

And I'm havin' a wonderful day

I sang a duet with the rooster

I'm a booster

Of the rooster

But he doesn't crow like he useter

Couldn't handle my yodel-ee-ay

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Katy, Katy, wait a minute. Not so fast.

- What's the matter?

- You're getting ahead of me.

Well, I mean, after all,

I haven't rowed for quite a while.

Oh, I know, I know.

Come on, let me give you a head start.

You just want me to help you.

Go on, row.

All right, let's go.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four...

One...

- Katy.

- Windy.

Windy, where are you?

Katy!

Windy!

Katy.

- Katy.

- Windy?

Windy?

Windy?

Hey, hey, here I am. Wait a minute.

Well, stop rowing.

Oh, where did you disappear to?

Here, give me your hand.

I'm so tired I could die.

Been in the water for...

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

- Oh, excuse me.

- Oh, thank you.

Now, hang on now.

- All right, I will.

- Easy now. That's it.

Oh, these boats are so hard to get into.

You out for a swim?

Yes. I got lost.

- Where were you going?

- No place in particular.

Just a stroll, huh?

You out for a row?

Yes.

May I drop you someplace?

No, I wouldn't want to take you

out of your way.

Oh, no trouble. No, I live here.

Windy.

- Well...

- Sorry.

Here we are.

- Where?

- Home.

Oh, you live on a boat.

Sloop. Now come, give me your hand.

All right, thank you.

- Be careful now.

- Thank you.

That's it.

Well, you must be very cold.

We'll go below where it is warmer.

Oh, no, no, I'm just as warm as toast,

thank you. I think I'll just sit right here.

Well, as you wish.

If you'll excuse me, I'd like to

get out of my working clothes.

You just be very comfortable.

I will bring you something to wear.

Thank you.

Tres magnifique is Fifi

A word that leaves me awake is Fifi

I merely look at her

And my heart has wings

And now it sings

Do, si, la, sol, fa, mi, re

Do

Beaucoup okay is Fifi

Katy! Katy, where are you?

If anything happened to her,

I'll kill myself.

Katy! Katy?

You had me scared stiff. I thought we'd

easily be lost in all this fog, you know.

We gotta get out of here.

Come on, Katy, grab my hand.

- I'll get you into the boat.

- Bonjour, kid.

- Oh, It's you.

- You give me a lift, no?

I am pooped.

Yeah, come on, here.

You haven't seen a channel swimmer

around?

No, just me.

Yeah, certainly.

Katy! Katy!

Do not worry. She's a good swimmer.

She will tread the water.

Yeah, I wish I knew

where she was treading.

Katy.

Katy!

Excuse me, what do those letters mean?

Oh, Belle Blanche.

Oh, good stuff, huh?

Oui, very good.

Do they drink a lot of it in France?

Drink it?

We wash the laundry with it. Soap chips.

Oh, soap ch...

Katy!

This is what we need. Hot coffee.

- Oh, yes.

- Put this on.

My mother's.

- Cream?

- Yes, a little, please.

Oh, it's awfully chalky.

You ought to speak to your milkman.

- Yeah. Here.

- Thank you.

Mademoiselle...

...until the fog clears,

we cannot proceed.

We may be forced to stay together

for hours.

- So let us be frank, huh?

- All right.

Now, tell me...

...what are you doing strolling in the water

on a day like this?

Practicing to swim the channel.

A channel swimmer. But of course.

That explains everything.

- It does?

- Yes.

Well, now, would you tell me something?

What were you doing rowing around

in a dinner jacket?

Very simple. I'm a seller of champagne.

My family, the Lanets, have many

wineries in France...

...and many accounts here.

I service them.

Where does one drink champagne?

At festive gatherings.

I was returning from one.

Very festive.

That should be a lesson to both of us.

Never to judge by the first impression.

- Oh, that's so true.

- A little more coffee?

Yes, it's awfully good. Thank you.

You know, there is something else

I would like to ask you.

All right. Thank you.

Why does a beautiful girl like you

wish to swim the channel?

I want to buy a bull.

Katy!

What was that?

Sounds like a sea gull.

Katy!

Windy.

Windy. Windy! Where are you?

In a rowboat. Where are you?

On a yacht. With a Frenchman.

On a yacht with a French... Oh, no!

Oh, monsieur, be calm. You mustn't believe

everything about the French people.

- He's not different from you.

- One thing's different.

He's got a yacht. Katy!

Here.

- Where? I can't find you.

- Keep talking. We'll throw you a line.

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Liquapep

contains every vitamin from A to Z.

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