Daphne Page #2

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- My family.

- What is it you want?

- Picture.

- Okay.

V-I-T-A-L-E. Vitale.

Daphne Vitale.

All right. Italian.

My dad is... was...

Sorry, was Sicilian.

They were different.

How old are you, Daphne?

Um, 20, um...

Uh, no, I'm 30... 31.

- Just wait there a sec, please.

- All right.

This is Deputy PC Curtis,

I'm calling to let you know

that as part of our

victim's support scheme

you're entitled to counseling.

If you could give me a call...

All right, people,

we got covers in,

let's pump it out.

Can someone please run

this f***ing food, huh?

Billie, come on, it's time here.

- You're the man.

- Don't blow smoke up my arse.

I wouldn't go near your arse,

not for the money you pay me.

Come on, hustle it up there.

Hey, Beth.

Yeah, I'm in the chemist's.

I'll be back in a minute.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Don't give me that bullshit.

You can't call someone's

beliefs bullshit.

You're just saying

it to sound cool.

Internet dating is consumers

are masquerading as love...

- What part of that sounds cool?

- Ooh. Look at me,

I've read Slavoj Zizek

and think I'm really cool.

How... how did you just say...

Do you even know who

Slavoj Zizek is?

Yeah, of course, I f***ing do.

Did you just Google him because

I mentioned him last week?

You did, didn't you?

Go on, say his name again.

No, I didn't. Slavoj Zizek.

Rubbish.

- Slavoj Zizek.

- Slavoj Zizek.

Anyway, these days it's

just... You don't even write

anything about yourself,

it's just all photographs,

just, like, there's

no human interaction,

it's like you're shopping.

It's like this.

Yah, yah, yah, f***.

Why are you even talking...

Who f***ing cares?

- Who cares?

- That's all it is.

Yeah, you know, I agree with you,

but like, what's love then?

'Cause love and f***ing

are different things.

Ideally you need both.

The love... the love bit

is a necessary illusion

to bind us all together to

propagate our shitty species.

No, no, that's bullshit.

That's bullshit.

Love and sex,

you make do.

It's whatever works.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go home to your wife, Joe.

Okay.

Okay, I'll see you.

Get off of me, get off.

Easy. Just relax, pal,

you're crazy.

- What was that?

- Get off me!

Yeah, well, you promise

you're gonna behave?

Yeah, no,

- yeah, yeah.

- Well, which one is it then?

- Promise, I'll behave.

- All right, then.

I'm gonna count to three.

One, two...

You, sir, are a fabulous c*nt.

Go home.

Please, can I come back in?

Go home.

Hey, hey you, miss.

- I don't wanna go home.

- Go home, you're pissed, yeah?

- Hey.

- Yeah, don't try and sweet him.

Don't try and sweet him.

Ain't gonna work.

- Lotta traffic.

- F*** off.

Chick chick chick chick chicken

Live and laugh for me

- Be my wing man.

- Huh?

You be my wing man.

Chick chick chick chick chicken

Lay a little egg for me

Chick chick chick chick chicken

I want one for my tea

Mmm.

Bet you get wrinkles.

Blimey, it should

get wrinkles there.

It's crashmania.

Why, Lord, why me?

Don't answer that.

'Cause he can't see that I exist.

I'm talking to myself.

I'm such a wanker.

I know it's just a small thing,

but it does, it really annoys me

that I have to pay so much

for these classes after school.

Clarinet. Karate. It's ridiculous.

All adds up.

Do you know what I mean?

And they don't even teach

them how to make music.

Are we going on the lam,

Daphne, dude?

- Daphne?

- West Hampshire.

Get your skates on, Daph.

Hey, Beth, dude, he could

get hit by a bus, literally,

any single day, so why

don't you just have a night

enjoy the f*** out of

your kid while you can.

Hey, Daphne, dude, why don't you

mind your own f***ing business?

I would, but you talk

sh*t the whole time.

And unfortunately,

I'm not f***ing deaf.

That's a horrible thing to say.

My brother's deaf.

- No, he is not.

- Yes, he is.

Okay, fine, well,

so, f***ing stab me.

I'm just trying to f***ing...

I'm going to get some fresh air.

- You busy?

- No, I'm doing the vat for a laugh.

- Okay, you're busy.

- Yeah, why?

Just chilling.

Never illing. In my

mouth I got two fillings.

Whatever.

Young MC in the house.

What?

I hear that ladies are

stalking that white truffle

over from Piedmont again

if you want to pop down

and bag some free samples.

Yeah, I heard.

No, you go. I can't.

You get some if you want.

No, I mean, if you wanted to.

I'm not in the mood.

I don't think Beth likes me.

That's not exactly news, Daphne.

No, it's not.

Is there anything else...

Look, I clearly can't have

a drink right now, okay?

- For f*** sake.

- No, I was gonna say sorry.

Do you remember the other night...

Uh, if you wanted to, we could.

Um...

We can what?

Daphne.

Are you stalking me?

I'm going to ignore that comment.

Here, an invite for Sunday.

Mom, I told you.

Take it, seriously.

You might really regret

it if you don't.

How can you use that?

That is so... Even for you.

It's all I've got to use.

Mom, I'm not, I just...

I disagree. You don't think.

You do things unthinkingly.

And you don't do anything,

and you think too much.

Regret the things

you did do, Daphne,

not the things you didn't.

Where did you hear that

crap, in a fortune cookie?

Yes.

See you on Sunday.

We can have coffee

and cake after.

- Service.

- F***.

Service, please.

- What about yesterday?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

Okay.

Anything else you don't

wanna talk about?

- Not really, no.

- No? Off you go.

Do you think I'm selfish?

- Yeah.

- Do you?

Of course you are.

So am I.

I mean, who else is gonna

look out for you?

It's a tough f***ing world.

You gotta be tough, as well.

Or at least, I don't know,

what the f*** do I know?

Don't listen to me.

Yeah, that's what I think, too.

- But maybe...

- What?

When you were a kid,

did you ever wish

that you'd be in a car crash

and both your parents would die,

but you'd survive, and then you'd

be like this tragic little figure

and everyone would

love you or something?

Did you ever wish for

that when you were a kid

for both your parents to die?

No, you f***ing weirdo.

I never wanted to have

kids. They just arrived.

And so you just get on with it.

Sometimes I wish I could

get a refund though.

It sucks because we're

both evil f*** ups.

Yeah.

I gotta quit this sh*t.

It's ruining my palate.

I know, mine, too.

Oh, God.

Oh, f***. Oh, f***.

No.

Sorry.

Hello again.

The one who kicked you

out at the club

a few nights ago.

You called me a fabulous c*nt.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

- Oh, amazing, fantastic.

- Well, I don't know about that.

- Yeah, no, it's not fantastic.

- It was a mixed insult at least

very uncharacteristic

behavior of me.

- Yeah, yeah, that's the feeling I got.

- Normally I'm much more, um...

Pregnant?

- What?

- Sorry.

God, idiot, no.

It's just the vitamins.

- None of my... sorry.

- No! No, no, no, no, no.

Sorry, probably looked like

I was about to stab you.

No, I've seen worse, believe me.

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