Date and Switch Page #7

- Great to see you, man.

- Well, what if I call dibs on Greg?

- That makes no sense.

- No. I'll see you later, brother.

All right.

Actually, I'm parked over there too.

- Yeah, that's happening.

- So she's not an angel.

- Okay. Let's go.

- Yep.

- Thanks for hanging out with me...

- Heh.

...and dealing with my sh*t recently.

- It's been fun.

- Yeah, it's been fun for me too.

Why is this the only spot

that people drive up to?

Because it's Glen Ellen.

This abandoned construction lot

is the most romantic place in town.

So you brought us here

because it's romantic?

Oh, yes, I did. I did.

Those beautiful Porta-Potties

and the broken glass...

...and used condoms

really just get me right in the mood.

Heh, that's good.

Wait, Michael,

I need to tell you something.

What?

After Matty and I broke up,

we hooked up one more time.

When?

After you guys went to that club.

And we....

We had sex.

- What?

- Yeah.

- You what? You, what...?

- Yeah.

Heh, I know. I was drunk

and we both had really weird nights.

- How can that happen?

- It just did.

Wha...? He's gay. He's gay.

Well, you're not the only one in the world

with confused feelings, Michael.

I'm not... I'm not confused.

I definitely wouldn't have sex

with a gay guy.

- Okay, now you're just being an a**hole.

- You're an a**hole.

- I can't do this.

- Michael.

Michael.

Sh*t.

- Oh, hey, Michael.

- Oh, is Matty home?

Yeah, he sure is. We're just getting ready

to sit down to dinner. You wanna join us?

Yes, I would.

Okay, great. Well, come on in.

What you got there?

This is a private thing.

Oh, mmm.

Mom, this chicken's incredible.

The skin is so, like....

- Crispy?

- Crispy.

Right, you're damned right it is.

That is the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie

doing its thing.

- It's just f***ing great.

- Lars, language, please.

- Oh, this is a great meal.

- Heh.

And all because of a great gift.

- Are you okay?

- I hate you.

Why don't we thank your mother by saying

our favorite part of the meal? I'll go first.

The chicken,

but more specifically, the skin.

- How did I know you were gonna say that?

- Lars?

- Skin.

- Ha, ha.

- Matty?

- Oh, yeah, skin.

Pat?

- Michael?

- My favorite part of this meal...

...is how Matty f***ed a girl....

- Ha, ha.

- Michael, language.

Well, that's not really the answer

to the question.

I am kind of curious. Is that true, Matty?

I'm sorry, can I, uh, be excused to speak

with Michael in the other room?

- Well, we are having a family dinner.

- Why don't you let them talk it out?

Dwayne. Dwayne, ask him.

- What the f***?

- You had sex with Em.

- So what?

- So I like her a lot.

- She was my girlfriend.

- You're gay.

Shh, shut up.

You don't deserve her.

You don't deserve any girl.

Why did you do that?

Why are you even at my house?

What the f*** are you doing here?

You're gay.

I need you to shut up for the rest of dinner.

Can you do that for me?

What? You don't like that movie?

- I don't believe it.

- When you're married....

- Hi, Matty.

- Hello.

Welcome back.

Okay, boys. Family meal.

Anything going on with you two?

Yeah, a lot, actually.

Today was a crazy day at PacSun.

We got these huge new shipments in.

I had tons and tons of board shorts,

so I took a look at the different styles.

And I said to Laurie, I said, "Laurie...

...I will sell all of these laced-up

board shorts today.

Not this week, today."

And she was like,

"Yeah, right, Lars. No way."

And by the end of the day, get this, Dad,

I sold all of the lace-ups...

...and some of the non lace-ups.

So I was like, "Suck it, Laurie."

- Don't say "suck it." But fantastic.

- Great work, son.

Ambitious, just like your dad.

I got something else

that I really want to share with you guys.

First off, I wanna thank you

for keeping me so humble on this journey.

I know it's been tough, but something

really great happened to me today.

You are an a**hole.

I just found out my band,

we're playing the prom.

- Matty's gay.

- That is great. Congratulations.

- Daddy?

- Wait. What did you say?

- Nothing.

- Matty's gay.

- Shut the f*** up.

- Language, mind...

- What is he talking about?

- You have a gay son.

- Oh, language.

- Gay is not a bad word.

Debatable.

Everyone just cut the bullshit.

What is going on?

It's a milestone in my musical career,

Dad, is what's going on.

- Matthew.

- Matty, is this true?

- No.

- Matthew, answer your mother.

- I said no.

- He's not gay.

No.

Why don't you excuse yourself

to your room and I will meet you there?

- Michael, this dinner is over right now.

- Fine.

- Seriously?

- You heard me.

It's gonna be awesome. I know it's

the prom but I think I can get you two in.

One, two, three, four!

- Did you out Matty to his parents?

- Hold on.

- Did you tell them that he's gay?

- It's complicated.

Did you think for a second

about what that meant to him?

- Let me explain.

- Any idea what's happening to him?

- Wait.

- He was your best friend, Michael.

Your best friend.

You are a terrible person.

Oh! Damn, dude.

This looks good, right?

- It is perfect. I think we're good to go.

- Cool.

This is totally not my business,

but I thought you really liked that guy.

Yeah, I just can't do that anymore.

Him specifically or...?

Just all of it.

Matthew, we found the most

darling cuff links. They're little pigs.

- Why would I want those, Mom?

- I'm sorry, I gave you the wrong jacket.

- Let me get you the right one.

- Well, get this off. It's two sizes too small.

Silly, heh.

There we go.

Uh-oh.

Yes, yes, yes.

Now you look good enough to eat.

Yes, heh. Very handsome.

Oh, Matthew.

This reminds me of your dad

when we went to our prom.

You went to the prom with your husband

and you're still together?

- We sure are, 32 years.

- Congratulations.

I wish I could say the same,

but old Linda is still playing the field.

That's okay. It's fun being single.

Live it up.

Thirty-two years? Wow,

maybe you can give me some advice.

I'm dating a Colombian man.

We have very little in common.

We hardly understand each other...

...but the sex is really amazing.

He's only willing to see me on Tuesdays.

Now, what is that about?

- It might be a, uh, cultural thing?

- Well, then there's Gene.

Gene's very bright,

he's got a skin condition...

...but that's not a deal-breaker for me.

And the sex is ridiculous.

- What do I do?

- High school prom, we're getting fitted for.

And then there's Claude. He's 5'6",

he owns a sailboat and he's my mailman.

The sex is amazing,

but only on the sailboat.

You know, when it's rocky?

But I think that's because

Claude is a little lazy.

What do I do?

I'm not even really sure

what we're talking about.

You're not kidding.

Relationships are hard.

They are complicated. Although you two

kids seem to have it figured out, right?

- You look so cute together.

- Yes, we do. We got it all figured out.

Oh, hello.

I gotta go help this hot number.

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