Date and Switch Page #6

I don't think she ever really appreciated...

...what she had with you...

...as much as someone

who you deserve even better, I think.

- Thank you.

- I mean it.

You want to go for a drive?

Okay.

I can't believe we go to the same place.

What do you mean?

I've been going there since I was a kid.

Well, it's just boys go to barbers

and girls go to, like, stylists.

- Really?

- Isn't that...? That's how barbering works.

What? Does my hair

really look that bad?

No. It looks great. It's, like, lustrous.

It's like a horse's mane.

- In a good way. Yeah.

- Thanks.

No, I just didn't know that Giovanni

had this ability. He's, like, 100 years old.

Giovanni is the best and I'm proud

to be his only female client.

Okay? So here, imaginary cheers

to Giovanni, clink.

To Giovanni.

He's here.

What?

- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

Making out with a dude.

What does it look like?

But why do you have to do gay stuff

with the a**hole who hit my car?

He's actually a really good guy.

That was a really rough night for me,

I'm sorry.

And what are you doing here

with my ex-girlfriend? That's weird.

- Hi.

- Hey, I'm Greg.

- I'm Em.

- Not a thing. We're just having....

We're just...

We're having a chitchat here.

Two friends talking?

What's the big deal?

And what does it even matter

if you're gay anyway?

- Um, it's the principle.

- This why you're avoiding me?

You've been hanging out

a lot with, uh, Gay-ass Greg?

Yeah, maybe not Gay-ass Greg.

Maybe just Gay Greg or even Greg.

Um, yeah, dude, actually we have been

hanging out quite a bit.

To be 100 percent honest, you've

been so f***ing weird about all this sh*t...

...that I don't know if I wanna hang out

with you 24/7 anymore.

Look, man,

deal with your own sh*t for once.

Take control of your life

and stop focusing so much on mine.

I'm starting to miss straight Matty.

Straight Matty never would have

snuck around behind my back.

Wake up. I was never straight.

I don't need this pressure

from you, man.

Like, I don't need to get laid by prom

or any of that sh*t.

- What about the brownie?

- I don't wanna eat your shitty brownie.

Don't talk about the brownie like that.

Bro, seriously,

chill out about the brownie.

I'm not Superman I'm not Spiderman

I'm just trying to be the best I can

So let me be a hero for your heart.

You're the only one for me

You lift me up, you set me free

I'll never leave you standing all alone

Moments of Memory forever!

Yeah?

Uh, I got a new DVD in the mail today.

A TV show called The L Word.

I thought maybe

we could watch it together.

Uh, yeah, maybe later.

I'm gonna go skate right now.

I have some stuff to think about.

All right, let me know

if you ever wanna talk more.

Or if you wanna talk less.

I don't wanna smother you.

- You're not.

- Well, good.

I know life seems complicated sometimes,

but I usually find it gets simpler...

...if you just focus on the things

that have always made you happy.

Yo.

Yeah.

- Hey, man.

- Thanks for coming.

Of course, man.

What's up?

What made you think of coming here?

- Go-karts. We love go-karts.

- True.

I always find that things get simpler

if you just focus on the things...

...that have always made you happy.

Oh, cool. Cool.

When was the last time we came here?

Like, uh, six years ago?

- Yeah.

- What did the guy say?

Kicked us out and he said something.

- "What did I tell you about bumping?

- Heh.

No bumping, man!"

"If you come back here,

I'm gonna call the cops!"

- It's the same guy.

- Oh, heh.

You'd think he would have

moved on by now.

- You think he remembers us?

- No way, dude.

We were 12 when he last saw us.

Hey. Two, please.

Go sit in there.

Starting the safety instruction seminar.

So, what exactly can you do

to avoid being brutally mutilated...

...on the racetrack today?

That's a dark way to start the session.

I've seen these things crush people's feet.

I've seen them tear off people's fingers.

Once saw a little girl

get her hair stuck in the motor.

Bye-bye, scalp.

Does it have to do with bumping?

No bumping. Bumping is a

one-way ticket to injury land, U.S.A.

And if the carts don't injure you, I will.

I will come out there

and punch you in the face...

...so you don't injure

any of our other drivers.

That's how much I care about the rest.

Wait, wait, wait.

Let me get this straight.

- We should or we shouldn't bump?

- Looks like we got ourselves a comedian.

Well, let me ask you this,

Mr. Comedian. Is this hilarious?

- It's kind of funny.

- Go-kart accident!

Stuttgart, Germany, 2007.

Doesn't even look like a real leg.

It's not real. It's a mock-up that I made

because no one took photos that day.

- Makes sense.

- You bump once, I kick you the F out.

You bump twice, what happens?

Trick question. You can't bump twice...

...because if you bump once

I've already kicked your ass out...

...and you're at home

sitting on your couch alone...

...watching the Food Network,

wishing you hadn't bumped.

Whoo!

Hey! Keep your hands on the wheel!

Put your legs back in the cart!

This is your last warning.

- Get over here!

- Why, hello, old friend.

Would you like to partake

in some light bumping?

I would say that we should

definitely do that.

Okay, then. We should bump.

Gonna bump the sh*t out of you!

You're done, bro!

No bumping! No bumping!

I remember you motherfuckers.

You bumped more than anyone, I told

you never to come back. You're dead!

- Why didn't we run to our cars?

- I don't know. I just panicked.

- Yeah, me too. He was f***ing pissed.

- Yeah.

He was more pissed

than I've ever seen him before.

- I don't think we can go back for 10 years.

- No way.

Dude, I'm sorry about saying all that...

Like, all that stuff wishing

you were straight and all that.

Oh, it's okay, man. I'm sorry

that I said your brownie was shitty.

Oh, no. I know that.

It's not. It's amazing. So....

- Yeah.

- It's actually still in the freezer...

...by the way.

You think this Greg guy is the one?

- He could be your brownie guy.

- Man, I don't know.

- Have you touched his balls yet?

- Come on.

- You like balls. You're a ball guy.

- I never said that.

- You said that.

- I think you made that up, actually.

- Yeah, yeah. I did do that.

- Yeah.

What about you, man?

What do you got going on?

Me? I got....

I actually got someone

I'm thinking about.

Nice.

Are you...? You're not...?

You're over Em, right?

You're... I mean...

- Dude.

- What?

- Seriously?

- What? You're seriously gonna do this?

You're gonna call dibs

after you've broken up...

...and you're not into persons

with her sexual organs?

No, I'm not calling dibs. I mean, I just...

Like, I feel like it's weird, you know?

- Tell me it's not weird.

- It's not weird.

- It's not weird.

- I think it's a little weird.

- All right.

- I'm gonna go.

I'm meeting up with Greg...

- ...but this was super fun.

- Good to see you, man.

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