Date Night Page #11

l got this.

l have got this!

-Count to three.

-What?

-Just count them down.

-No, that doesn't work with grownups.

That doesn't work with people with guns.

Trust me.

All right! l have had enough!

My kids are gonna have me up

in 90 minutes, so this sh*t ends now!

l'm gonna count to three,

and every one of you boys

is gonna put down your guns.

ls she serious?

-One!

-l think she's serious.

-Two!

-She's kidding, right?

Three!

COP ON LOUDSPEAKER: This is the NYPD!

Drop your weapons

and put your hands in the air.

(COPS BARKlNG ORDERS )

COP:
Police! Freeze!

ARROYO:
Put them on the ground!

Put them on the ground!

COP ON LOUDSPEAKER: Drop your

weapons and put your hands in the air!

-l'm a cop!

-Not anymore, you're not!

Counting them down, works every time.

Told you l could surprise you.

ARROYO:
Fosters!

JOE:
Keep your mouth shut!

Good to see you again, Detective.

-You, too, Mr. Foster.

-This was part of the plan?

A helicopter and a SWAT team

are part of the plan?

He had your friend Holbrooke call me.

Said to be here at 5:30.

-You have something for me?

-Yes. Yes, l do.

(GROANlNG)

l think there is enough evidence

on this wire

to put those two away for quite some time.

Thank you.

Mr. Miletto. Mr. District Attorney.

You two are under arrest for obstruction

of justice, racketeering, conspiracy,

l'm pretty sure prostitution,

and a few other goodies

l'm sure l'll find on this.

Get them out of here.

You don't wanna be doing this.

l'll put you in a box.

Thank you so much for all of your help.

Dispose of this trash.

So, you two need a ride?

Oh, yes, please.

Our kids must be freaking out.

No, no. We sent a squad car out there

an hour ago.

-They're fast asleep at the sitter's.

-Oh, thank God.

What's your story?

Just a boring married couple

from New Jersey.

So how about that ride?

Actually, l promised my wife

dinner in the city.

Okay, no stealing reservations this time.

Behave.

-Thanks.

-Thank you.

l am not sure, but l think this is

the best pancake l've ever had in my life.

(CLAlRE LAUGHS )

l know that l'm, like, really bad at this stuff,

but how did you even begin

to come up with that whole plan?

Mmm. Well, it was like that book

from book club.

Nasrin baits her brother and her stepfather

into fighting each other

so that she can flee the town,

go out in the desert

and menstruate in peace.

-What?

-You read it.

-You read the book.

-Of course.

-Yeah. l read all of them.

-Why?

'Cause it matters to you.

l only read the first 30 pages

and the last page.

'Cause who has time to read? l don't.. .

(CHUCKLlNG) l don't like those books.

l don't like them.

(SlGHlNG)

What? Do l have something?

No.

l'd do it again, you know.

What, tonight? No. lt was very dangerous.

No, not tonight. Us.

You, me, the kids, all of it.

l'd do it again.

l'd choose you every time.

(HlGHERAND HlGHER PLAYlNG)

Your love, lifting me higher

Than l've ever been lifted before

So keep it up

Quench my desire

And l'll be at your side forever more

You know your love

Your love keeps lifting me

Keep on lifting

Love keeps lifting me

Higher

Lifting me...

DlRECTOR:
And action!

That's enough!

(PEOPLE LAUGHlNG)

-Big mistake. This is all a big mistake.

-Two.. .

Oh.. . (EX CLAlMS )

(STRAlNlNG)

(LAUGHlNG) Take that back.

Don't call me a b*tch, whore.

You're telling me.. .

Have you not heard a word l said, whore?

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

l keep calling him a whore.

(HUSKlLY) Just a minute.

l'm having the sex.

DlRECTOR:
And action!

Yo, yo, yo.. .

(GROWLlNG) Just a minute.

l'm having the sex.

-DlRECTOR:
One more.

-Just a minute.. .

(LAUGHlNG)

l said your love

Keep on

Lifting me

Higher and higher

-Zip it, Skippy.

-Zip your vagina.

No, it's okay. When he says ''vagina,''

he means your face.

(LAUGHlNG)

DlRECTOR:
(LAUGHlNG) Again.

You are the father

of at least one of my children,

and you are going to get in there

and work that pole till it's a nub.

And get in there and butter that pole.

Work that pole like a Russian immigrant.

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

(NASALLY) ''That's amazing, Jeremy.

''l have to go home now

and watch the lnternet."

''l need to go home now

and wash my arms."

''l'm gonna go home now

and bleach my mustache."

''That's amazing, Jeremy,

''but l'm gonna go home now

and look at my vagina with a hand mirror."

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

Higher

Higher and higher

l said your love

Keep on

Lifting me

Higher and higher

And my song...

Keep my love going higher and higher

(lN BRlTlSH ACCENT) Hello.

Hello, good evening.

l don't know if you remember us,

but we were here earlier,

eating with our good friend Sam-l-Am.

(lN FRENCH ACCENT) Bonsoir,

we were in here earlier,

eating with our good friend Sam-l-Am.

You mean Will.i .am?

(lN BAD COCKNEY ACCENT)

ls that what you call him?

Yeah, no, no, no, no.

(lN BAD COCKNEY ACCENT) Did you hear

how she pronounced his name?

lt's ridiculous!

(lN FRENCH ACCENT)

Oh, is that what you call him? No.. .

(SPEAKlNG FRENCH)

(MlMlCKlNG FRENCH)

Did you hear

how she pronounced his name?

-Terrible. Terrible. Ah.

-How pedestrian.

(lN AUSTRALlAN ACCENT)

We were here earlier with William.

He thinks he left his phone.

So we were just going to go

and have a check for his phone.

Yes, he left his telly on the table.

(SPEAKlNG FRENCH)

(MlMlCKlNG FRENCH)

His telephone.. .

We are looking for his phone for him.

-We think that he might have left it.. .

-We need to look for the phone.

-.. .at the table.

-He needs to go

-and look for the phone, please.

-Le phone sur la table.

(lN BRlTlSH ACCENT)

Well, see you later. Goodbye.

-(PEOPLE LAUGHlNG)

-DlRECTOR:
That's it! Cut!

ENGLlSH - US - SDH

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