Date Night Page #10

What? Gross. No.

(SlGHS )

Oh, no. That's for a monkey.

Okay.

Hey, l'm a man on the bottom.

You into that?

l'm sorry. l.. . Oh, my God!

l know. l know. Shut up. lt's.. .

You look awesome!

Why is it so bright out here?

lt's supposed to be dark and seedy.

Give a 40-year-old stripper /mom a break.

Look at your b*obs!

l had to put it on backwards and spin it.

l think l lost a nipple.

No, you look great!

-For reals?

-Yeah, for reals.

lt's the only one long enough

to cover my C-section scar.

-l cannot stop looking at your b*obs.

-Come on.

-Okay, let's go.

-Okay.

l want you to buy that.

CLAlRE:
This is End of Days kind of stuff.

(SPlTTlNG)

Oh, my.

(MOUTHlNG)

-Honey, l don't think l can do this.

-Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

Honey, listen to me.

You are a beautiful, strong woman.

You are the mother of my children.

Now, l want you to go in there

and pop that coochie.

-Pop the coochie.

-Just pop it out.

-So we can go home.

-Let's go pop it.

-Come on.

-For the kids.

Uh-uh.

l'm here for Crenshaw.

Look up, please.

Okay, head on in.

-l'll be waiting right here.

-Okay.

No. The both of you.

He likes you, too.

Well, well, well.

Somebody caught the pervert's eye.

-No, no, no, no. l can't do this.

-Yeah, you can,

because you are

a beautiful and amazing man,

and the father of my children,

and you are gonna get in there

and work that pole like a runaway.

l don't.. . Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

(MUSlC PLAYlNG)

There he is, over there in the sunglasses.

(GASPS ) He has his broom with him.

Oh, that's gross. Why does he need that?

Probably a lot of messes he makes in here.

Needs a mop to clean up

all the splooge in this place.

-Phil! Ew!

-l'm sorry. Sorry, sorry.

-Can l help you?

-Yeah, we're here to see Crenshaw.

No one gets close to Crenshaw

unless he picks you.

-Picks us, yes. Picks us for what?

-CRENSHAW:
Carlton, move aside.

(CHUCKLlNG) Move aside.

l like your look, honey.

Very Wild West saloon chick.

Minus the syphilis.

(LAUGHlNG)

You got a mouth on you.

l like that. l like that.

And you brought your androgynous friend.

Oh! Oh! Oh! ls it a man or a woman?

(LAUGHlNG) l don't know! l don't know!

lt's very sexy.

l am going to keep you guessing.

Whoo!

Why don't you two show me what you got?

(SOFTLY) l think he wants us

to have sex in front of him.

-Mmm-mmm.

-lf we have to do it,

-we'll do the fast version.

-Oh, God.

Come on, if you're gonna

spend time with me, you have to earn it.

So get on up there.

Ladies, please, please.

Move to the side. Thank you.

You know what? We're not actually some.. .

Hey.. . Okay.

We're not into dancing so much.

We would rather just talk to you

-while remaining relatively still.

-Yeah. Just wanna, like, talk to you.

l don't come here to talk.

You either leave or you start dancing.

Now, one or the other. What's it gonna be?

(SENSUAL DANCE MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Oh, my God.

Baby, baby!

Right where l want to be

Baby, baby!

Don't let love make a fool of me

Oh, yeah

l want it and l need it

What?

Oh, yeah

l feel it when you try and keel in

l'm not feeling whatever they're doing.

Carlton, please,

escort these two out, please.

-No, no, no. No! No, no, no. Okay.. .

-Come on.

All right. We were just getting warmed up.

-CLAlRE:
Yeah.

-Just getting your juices flowing.

Now we're really gonna make it happen.

-Oh, yeah!

-Here we go.

-Now it is on!

-lt is totally on!

-Whoo!

-lt is getting dank and musky.

Love gun!

Oh, you shot me, baby!

Love gun!

(POLE SQUEAKlNG)

Oh, you got me, baby!

Oh, my God. Where is he taking her?

Baby, are you ready for the showdown?

Round and round we go,

where she stops, nobody knows.

Are you ready for the go-down?

So ain't no use anymore

Ain't no use in hiding

Yeah, okay.

l want you dead or alive

lf you promise to surrender

(LAUGHS EX ClTEDLY)

Try that and l'll let you survive

Huh. Huh. (GROWLS )

Yeah, yeah, there we go.

Love gun

(MOANlNG)

Phil, don't you barf on me. Don't barf.

What are they doing now?

Sex robots!

Come back forever, and bang!

Love gun!

l wanna do that.

Love gun!

Love gun!

You two, come over here.

(SlGHS )

(CHUCKLlNG)

We have something that you want.

Oh, l know you do. How much for a night?

$100,000.

Huh? That's a little steep, isn't it?

l don't know any woman

that's worth that kind of money.

How about one with a flash drive?

How're you doing? We're the Tripplehorns.

Oh, you guys keep showing up!

Why don't we take a walk

and talk about things privately?

This could have been so good.

This is part of the plan, right?

l got to go back in the subway

for a refresher.

COLLlNS:
Move.

CRENSHAW:
Okay.

Let's make this simple, okay?

You give me the flash drive,

or Collins is going to break

both your wife's arms.

l put the flash drive someplace

no one is ever going to find it.

But if our associate, Mr. Holbrooke Grant,

doesn't hear from us

every hour on the hour until we're safe,

then he will release

the contents of that drive.

He's the ex-military guy

we questioned tonight.

Holbrooke's for real.

JOE:
What the hell is going on up here?

Excuse me, sir,

we're trying to do a rooftop thing.

-Could you just give us a minute?

-Frank?

No! l can't give you a minute.

This is my rooftop, toots!

Okay.

lt's okay, Claire. We were expecting him.

-What? Oh, my God! l am so lost.

-They were just about to leave, Joe.

You know, they got a guy on the outside

that has the flash drive.

Yeah, the flash drive. There's no play here.

You've seen the flash drive?

Oh, don't worry, though.

We won't say a word about the pictures.

Just shut your mouth.

-What pictures?

-Nothing.

-He doesn't know?

-Know what?

Oh, wow!

l kind of pulled a boner here. Sorry.

But l get it. l totally know why you'd have

pornographic pictures of the DA.

Have them in your back pocket

for a rainy day.

Never know when

they're gonna come in handy!

-Just zip it, Skippy!

-You zip your vagina.

No. No, it's okay! When he says ''vagina,''

he means your face.

You said that what was on that drive

were the city contracts

that l flowed your way.

All this time,

l've been keeping the cops off your ass,

-and you're stashing dirty pictures of me?

-Really dirty, gross pictures.

You'd be in jail if it wasn't for me.

So watch your tone, Mr. District Attorney!

PHlL:
Looks like

you guys have some things to resolve,

so my wife and l will bid you adieu.

No, no, no, no, no. No one's moving,

'cause it'd be a lot easier

if someone ended up dying now!

How about you?

Oh, God, he turned the gun sideways, Phil.

lt's a kill shot!

-Put it down.

-COLLlNS:
l will destroy you, boy.

-Come on, cop!

-Bring it closer.

-Put it down!

-lt's gonna be okay.

No, it's not! This is so not okay!

This is a bad plan, Phil! This is a bad plan!

-Take the shot.

-Shoot me, l will shoot you back.

Put it down!

Everybody's hopped up!

-PHlL:
Look at me!

-They're all shooting everybody!

Claire, look at me. Look at me!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes