Date Night Page #9

-Claire, we have to get off the street!

-Why?

At the light you're gonna take a hard right.

l have a plan.

-Wait.. .

-Now!

(SCREAMlNG)

(ALL SCREAMlNG)

COP ON LOUDSPEAKER: This is the NYPD.

The roadway has been sealed.

Stop your vehicles immediately.

-Great, Phil!

-l had to try something.

-l thought l had a plan.

-l love you, Phil,

but your plans are the worst!

Look here, you two need to get

your married people stuff together

when my life is not at stake, okay?

Husband, when l hit the horn, you brake.

Wife, you throw your junk into ''Drive''

and you floor it. Let's do this.

We got them. We got them. We got them.

CABBlE:
All right, white people.

One, two, three!

-COP ON LOUDSPEAKER: Stop your vehicle!

-Now!

(HORN BLARlNG)

(WHOOPlNG)

Whoo!

Well done, y'all! That's how l do it, baby!

Dude, right here!

Now pull over, and get your Dr. Phil.. .

(CLAlRE SCREAMlNG)

-No brakes.

-No brakes?

-Damn it. Brakes are gone.

-That is some bullshit!

-l'm out. Be cool. Peace!

-All right. See you later.

Blow me!

Phil!

(SlRENS WAlLlNG)

Phil!

-l'm okay.

-Oh, God.

Come! Come on!

Oh, my God.

-l'm okay.

-Good, honey. Good.

Come on. You're okay.

(PANTlNG)

-Are you okay?

-l'm cold.

Wow. Wow. l'm really, really cold.

Oh, no.

The flash drive is gone.

Tripplehorns are gone.

We've got nothing.

Come on.

Let's go see if Holbrooke has

a blanket or something in the car.

ARROYO:
Okay. All right.

l am dying to hear what the hell happened.

We're out, we're having some beers, okay?

And then the two perps you let go

walked into the bar.

-What, the Fosters?

-The Fosters?

-You have a good memory.

-So anyway, they come in,

we approach them trying to help you out,

the next thing l know

they're shooting at us.

Mr. Foster, the tax lawyer

from New Jersey, is now armed?

-lt's weird.

-That's odd.

ls it weird and odd?

lt's extremely dangerous, is what it is.

So we took chase, gave pursuit.

To help me out.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

You know what? Great work, fellas.

Why don't you both head home?

lf you want,

we can stay on and help you find them.

That's really nice of you, but l got this.

lt's no big deal, Arroyo. We're already here.

We'll help you guys out. We should stay.

Good night.

-We got you, though.

-Say your prayers.

-All right.

-ARROYO:
Take care.

WALSH:
See you.

So what was on

that computer sticky thing, anyway?

-Just some ledgers and pictures.

-Pictures of what?

Of services rendered

at one of Joe Miletto's clubs.

A place called The Peppermint Hippo.

Ew, Peppermint Hippo. That's.. .

Neither of those two words is dirty,

but somehow together,

that is the filthiest thing l've ever heard.

Thing is, this ledger

had only pictures

and information about one client,

District Attorney Crenshaw.

-The guy with the broom?

-Mmm-hmm.

The Tripplehorns may have stolen

the flash drive from Miletto,

but they were blackmailing the DA.

That's ambitious for those two dirtbags.

Doesn't even matter now, though,

because the computer sticky thing

is at the bottom of the East River,

which is where we'll be

if those cops catch up with us.

Okay, you know

l'm not so good with complicated plots,

-so walk me through this again.

-Hon.. .

Honey, if l'm gonna get whacked off,

l at least deserve to understand

why it's happening.

-What're you smiling about?

-No. You're very sweet.

We're not going.. .

Hon, we're not going to get whacked off.

l think we are.

No, we might get bumped off.

We might get whacked.

Okay. Let me.. . Okay,

let me break it down for you, all righty?

That guy over there.

Let's just say that guy is Crenshaw.

He's a DA. He's a good guy.

He should be busting

people like Joe Miletto.

He's a gangster. He's a bad guy.

He's very bad.

But Crenshaw can't bust Miletto,

because Crenshaw goes to Miletto's clubs

to get hookers.

Oh, boy, l hope she's really a hooker.

That would be amazing.

Now, Miletto makes

a flash drive implicating Crenshaw.

Which Taste and Whippit steal

from The Peppermint Hippo,

where she works.

Right, they steal it

so they can blackmail the DA.

So, those two cops don't work for Miletto.

They work for Crenshaw.

Right.

And that's why Taste was acting so weird

when you mentioned Miletto's name.

-Right.

-Oh, my God, Phil, l totally got this.

-lt has something to do with Crenshaw?

-lt has.. .

Yes, honey, it has

everything to do with Crenshaw.

That's the key.

We have to find a way to get to Crenshaw.

Well, the Tripplehorns got to him

at The Peppermint Hippo.

And we're the Tripplehorns.

Hells yes, we are.

We're gonna need some help.

Oh, ''whacked off''! Oh! Oh, God.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Yeah.

Hi.

ls that my tracksuit?

Yes, it was in the trunk of your Audi,

which is now parked

over by the East River,

and is probably

in need of significant repair,

for which l'm sure

l'll be able to pay you back

over the next several decades.

Also, on my tab,

l would like to add that super old gun

that l stole from your hallway,

which, incidentally, was not very useful.

lt just went.. . (EXHALES )

PHlL:
But that's not the reason we're here.

As impossible as this may be

to believe, Holbrooke,

our night has actually gotten weirder

since we saw you last.

There were cars, then we.. .

They got hooked, and.. .

One of them was your car. Anyway.. .

l've had an interesting night myself.

And l'm really tired, so as nice as it was

to see you again, Claire,

how about you two

go knock on somebody else's door, okay?

-No.. .

-No, no, no. No. Here's the thing.

l just wanted

to take my wife to dinner tonight.

l was just hoping

that we would have one night

where we could, you know, feel like new.

And now, all l want to do is get us home.

And l've got a plan.

l've got a way to do that.

l'm not very good with plans generally,

but l've got one.

And l need help.

And even though your pecs

make me wanna kill myself,

and your girlfriend is so hot it's like

looking through a shimmering jet engine,

l know, and l believe,

that there is a real person

that understands exactly

what l'm going through right now.

So, please, Holbrooke,

will you let us come in?

Will you let us explain to you

what we want?

And will you, for the love of God,

put on a f***ing shirt?

-Come on in.

-(SOFTLY) Thank you.

-PHlL:
Here it is. Remember the plan?

-Barely.

Let us in. This is a new girl.

She's working tonight.

-l don't know what you're talking about.

-l'm the new girl.

-Really?

-(FlRMLY) Yeah.

-And who are you?

-l am her pimp daddy.

(SCOFFS ) You're her pimp?

That right.

-Really?

-Yeah, dummy, he's my pimp.

So can l go inside and start my shift,

or do l have to call Joey Miletto

and tell him that his bellboy made me late?

(WHlSPERlNG) l don't really have gum.

-The locker rooms are on the left.

-Come on, pimp.

(ELECTRONlC MUSlC PLAYlNG)

-(WHlSPERlNG) Wait right here.

-Where are you going?

Hey, do you have anything in a size eight?

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