Date Night Page #8

Hey, zip your face.

Zip my face? Are you serious?

-Yeah, he said, ''Zip your face."

-That's your best line?

-That's your best tough-guy line?

-You heard me. Zip your face.

Why don't you zip your vagina,

Raymond Burr?

l have no idea how to respond to that.

-F you!

-F me? F you!

-F you!

-F you, man! What are you doing here?

F you, mother-F-er.

Okay. Okay! What do you want?

You have no idea what you have done to us.

What?

When you missed your reservation at Claw,

you ruined our lives.

-What are you talking about?

-We didn't miss anything, you dumbass.

We saw the two goons

casing the place out, so we took off.

Hey, and what is it to you?

What are you,

the reservation police or something?

-Yeah. What's it to you?

-Yeah.

As it so happens, we didn't have

a reservation, so we took yours.

And now they think that we're you.

You.. . You just took our reservation?

Who does that?

Yeah. What kind of people are you?

-Who cares? lt's not a big deal!

-Oh, my God! Come on!

-TASTE:
Who does that?

-Wait, how did you find us, anyway?

l stole your number

from the reservation list.

-That's smart.

-Thank you.

You used our real number

to make that reservation?

No. l didn't use the home number.

l used the cell phone.

Oh.

Wow, that's brilliant.

Wow, Taste, you're just a goddamn

criminal mastermind, aren't you?

This is about

how l'm an a**hole all the time, huh?

How you have no trust

that l can pull things through.

-Yeah!

-How l can't do anything right?

-l buy the wrong soda?

-Yeah.

-The wrong beer!

-l hear you, man.

-The wrong nipple clamps.

-Well.. .

Those clamps hurt me.

You know, and then you come home,

and you don't even look at me.

l have to, like, beg you

to have sex with me, like it's a gift!

And forget about the anal!

-Forget about the anal!

-lt's forgotten.

l am sorry if l am a little tired

after working all night

to just come home and jump on you

and give you a free lap dance.

l am sorry! l was perfectly happy

stripping and tricking at The Hippo.

lt made me feel good about myself!

l got a ribbon!

But, no, you had to go

and get all greedy and start stealing

-everything from everyone!

-Okay, okay, that's enough!

Excuse me for dreaming!

Like l want to spend the rest of my life

selling stolen wheelchairs!

l feel like

you're losing control of the room, Phil.

-WHlPPlT:
What about my dreams?

-Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey.

-But what about me?

-Stop arguing. Stop arguing.

Stop it. Shut it. Shut.. .

Everybody, shut the holes.

-Just shut the hole.

-Quiet. Just be quiet.

Listen, listen. These goons are after us

because they think that we have

a flash drive that you stole from them.

So you're gonna go to them

and you're gonna tell them

that you are the Tripplehorns.

-Wait a second, b*tch.

-Don't call me a b*tch, whore!

Are you telling me that these goons

are tracking you right now?

Have you not heard a word l said, whore?

Look, that is why we are here.

You need to help us out of this.

No, we need to get out right now.

Whippit, baby, two-minute drill. Ready?

-Go, go, go, go, go!

-CLAlRE:
Wait!

PHlL:
Hey! Hey!

TASTE:
Let's go, let's go, let's go!

-Stop. You can't leave.

-Forget the latex.

-Only the essentials.

-PHlL:
Stop what you're doing.

-Stop packing. Nobody is going anywhere.

-Phil! Do something with the gun.

-PHlL:
l have a gun! And that means.. .

-Two suitcases?

Come on. Always with the over-packing.

What's the deal?

Nothing you can't walk away from

in 30 seconds.

Bobby De Niro. Heat. Classic!

Okay. Okay. No way. No, no, no, no. No!

All right. No, no, no.

Nobody's going anywhere.

Hold on. Stop. Stop!

Nobody's going anywhere!

Pay attention! Pay attention to me!

-Wait! Wait, no!

-PHlL:
Stop packing!

Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

You are gonna go get the flash drive,

-and you are going to bring it.. .

-Tell you what,

give it to him yourself.

-Baby? We out!

-WHlPPlT:
Yeah.

-(WHlSPERlNG) ls that the thing?

-Okay. l'm ready. Here.

-Okay. Okay.

-TASTE:
Come on.

WHlPPlT:
Wait, wait, wait, wait, baby.

l don't know,

maybe leaving isn't such a good idea.

This is our home.

No. Hey, no, it's not.

This is your home. This is your home.

Okay.

Okay.

TASTE:
Come on home.

l love you.

Okay.

-TASTE:
l love you.

-l love you, too.

Hey, hey, hey. How are we

supposed to get this to Miletto?

Miletto?

Joe Miletto.

The guy that you're blackmailing.

You two are far from home, aren't you?

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Y'all have a good night.

That did not go down at all

as l had expected.

Let's go.

-Did you see how he was tonguing her?

-CLAlRE:
Yeah, l did.

Detectives, welcome.

-Are you Holbrooke Grant?

-Yeah.

You wanna put some clothes on

so we can talk?

No, l'm good.

lt's late, and l've pretty much said

everything l have to say to the other cops.

Wait, what other cops?

(UNLOCKlNG CAR)

What do you think Taste meant

when he said we're a long way from home?

Honey, his name is Taste.

l wouldn't read too much into it.

(SCREAMS )

Let's dance.

Gun!

(AlR HlSSlNG)

This gun sucks!

CLAlRE:
Oh, my God! Go!

PHlL:
l'm going. l'm going. l'm going.

l'm going. l'm going.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Be careful!

Stop yelling at me!

l know what l'm doing, all right?

CABBlE:
Come on! One way!

One freaking way!

-One freaking way!

-PHlL:
l'm sorry!

-lt's always been one way!

-l'm sorry! l'm sorry!

-Just hold on!

-What are you doing?

-Ever heard of a one-way?

-Okay. Okay, hold on.

-CABBlE:
What are you doing?

-Hold on!

CABBlE:
What the hell.. .

(SCREAMlNG)

-What? What are you doing?

-Go! Okay, go!

No! Stop! Whoa, don't!

Whoa ! What are you doing?

Okay, we need to get you off of us.

We've got to go, Phil.

We've gotta go right now!

(SCREAMlNG)

Okay. lt's not working.

Put your junk in reverse, a**hole!

-You put your junk in reverse!

-You put your junk in reverse!

-You put your junk in reverse!

-CLAlRE:
ln reverse!

God!

No.. .

(GRUNTlNG)

Oh, snap! Somebody's pissed!

-Phil! Phil!

-Oh, God.

Well, looks like you're coming with us.

(RAP MUSlC PLAYlNG)

-Okay!

-Why am l going backwards?

-Hey, take your foot off the brake!

-No, no, no!

Car! Car!

(SlREN WAlLlNG)

Come on, man. Come on. Come on, baby!

-Hey, don't put your foot on the brake!

-l'm not gonna.. . Look out!

-Take the wheel.

-What?

Just take it!

This guy won't lay off the brakes.

CABBlE:
No, no, no, no.

(HORN BLARlNG)

(CABBlE WHOOPlNG lN FEAR)

CABBlE:
You are tripping!

Who do you think you are, huh?

Honey, move your ass!

Got them !

(PHlL YELLlNG)

ARMSTRONG:
Don't hit that!

(CAR HORN BLARlNG)

-Move over.

-Man!

We in it now. We in it now.

Oh, God! Why do these guys

wanna kill us so badly?

Hey. Hey! Do you have

a computer or a BlackBerry?

-Something l could read a document on?

-l got a Kindle.

-Give it to me. Give it. Give it.

-lt was a gift. Don't break it.

-Seriously?

-lt made me cry.

Okay.. .

Oh, my God, that's Crenshaw.

That's the DA.

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