Davy Crockett and the River Pirates Page #3

---

Ain't you gettin' mighty ambitious, Mason?

Takin' on Mike Fink and his crew?

We'll take them as easy

as we did the others.

Sure wish we had some of that

cologne water.

[Both sniff]

Yeah.

Ah! Mike, look!

I'm afraid them sirens

is gonna be disappointed.

Ain't that rudder busted?

Crockett's got a gift for spoilin' my fun.

Yeah!

- See you gals on the way back!

- Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!

Go to them poles!

Didn't work, they're going on.

They won't get far.

Take the horses.

Stay in the saddle.

Wanna leave footprints?

Injuns! Get braced for some fun, boys!

[Bullets zing]

It's what we've been waitin' for.

Can't we let Mike Fink

try braggin' his way out of this one?

[Men] Yee!

Keep poling, boys!

[Yelping]

- Where did that other boat come from?

- Let's get!

Anybody get hurt, Mike?

How could we? You chased 'em off

before we got started.

[Sneezes]

Help, help! Hey, help!

[Men laugh]

Now, what made that bust loose?

You fellas are sure having

tough luck, ain't you?

Sorry we can't help you none.

Shove off, boys, we got a race to win.

That puffed-up polecat

had something to do with this.

Wait'll we catch up with him.

They didn't leave nobody

on the Gullywhumper. Let's get even.

Sure would be easy

to swap rudders, all right.

No, we gotta win this race

fair and square.

There's a good ship fitter here.

I'll wake him up and get him to work.

- How long you figure it'll take?

- Won't take no time to hang a rudder.

- If he's got one already made up.

- I sure hope he's got one.

Mike ain't gonna wait around

once he knows we're here.

[Cheering, laughing]

Mike seems to be enjoying himself.

Maybe you and me can keep him

entertained a while longer.

- Give us a signal when you're ready.

- I'll do that.

Why, you milk-livered city folk.

Been took in by them tall tales

about this here Davy Crockett.

King of the Wild Frontier, my eye!

Ain't room in the country

but for one king, and that's me!

Yes, sir, Mr. Fink.

That squash-headed beanpole of a man

ain't no match for my shadow.

I can beat him at anything.

Take shooting.

Them paper targets he uses,

ain't no test of a man's nerve.

Now, hold still.

Hold still.

But with a target like that...

...if a man ain't awful careful,

he could make a mighty serious mistake.

Wait a minute, Mr. Fink. You ain't

aimin' to shoot this off my head?

That's good whiskey you're spillin'.

There ain't nothin' to it,

if you'll hold still like this...

[gunshot]

Like that, Mike?

Lucky thing for you fellas

that Mike Fink's got a sense of humor.

Come on, belly up!

Seems like the proprietor's gone

on a sudden journey, left me in charge.

Drinks is on the house!

[All cheer]

Come on, join us!

Me and Georgie don't hold with

drinkin' when we got a race to win.

I thought you fellas

would be ready to give up.

Davy ain't never

quit nothin' in all his life.

These hillbillies are sure

hounds for punishment.

We'll be halfway to Natchez

before you get that rudder fixed.

Come on, drink up.

Let's shove off!

Hey, Mike.

I'm surprised at you.

Why?

Lettin' Davy's shot stand

without no challenge.

The kid in Pittsburgh could do the same,

if his pa'd let him waste a whiskey.

- The same target you was gonna use?

- Yeah.

Only I was gonna do it backwards.

- Backwards?

- In the mirror. I'll show you.

No, you don't.

You scared, too, Crockett?

Lot of difference between

being scared and foolish.

All right, I'll show you a real trick.

- I'll shoot it off my own head.

- This we gotta see.

Back out of the way, everybody!

Tolerable good shootin'

for a river man.

- Tolerable?

- I suppose you can do better?

I might just try.

Charge up old Betsy for me.

I ain't so sure about this.

Better duck your heads.

I just don't believe it.

[Indistinct chatter]

It is not humanly possible to leap up

and catch a ball in your mouth.

Why, you...

What's going on around here?

[Mike] Stop fighting!

Ah!

I said stop fighting!

I told you to stop fighting!

You guys stop fighting!

[Man] Hey! Hey!

Hey! Come on, get me!

I need some help!

- I wonder what he wants.

- I don't know.

Hey, Cap, swing into that island.

Thank the Lord you stopped.

You're the first souls I've seen

since my flatboat went to pieces

and marooned me here.

I near starved to death.

We can fix that.

Come on aboard.

Thank you kindly, son.

Mind waitin' 'til I fetch my livestock?

Livestock?

[Chickens cluck]

[Donkey grunts]

[Pig oinks]

Hey! We ain't got time

to load all them animals!

Here comes the Gullywhumper!

- Cap's right.

- We can't leave him here.

If we did get him aboard,

we ain't got room to pole.

Forget them critters, Grandpa,

and get aboard. We're in a hurry!

I can't leave my stock!

It ain't right that he should.

Come on, boys.

Let's give him a hand.

[Cow bellows]

[Pig squealing]

Ain't that obligin'

of them cornhuskers?

Waitin' here for us like this?

Hey, Crockett, what you doin'?

Recruitin' a new crew?

This ain't no laughin' matter.

[Piglets squealing]

- [Goat bleats]

- [George grunts]

What are you belly-aching about?

We're doing all the work.

Now I know exactly

how Noah must've felt.

Much obliged for all the trouble

I put you to.

That's my place yonder

on the bayou.

- Got time to break bread with us?

- We got some time to make up.

Excuse me, please.

I got to look after my critters.

I sure gotta hand it to you, Davy.

You just don't know when you're up.

Not everybody can come in first.

Maybe the good Lord

didn't intend for us to win this race.

Then what are we breaking our backs for

to get to New Orleans?

Got to deliver some furs to Mike Fink.

- So long. Sorry your boat's so big.

- What's the matter with the size?

If she was smaller, you could save

40 miles by takin' this here bayou.

I been down it in my skiff

plenty of times.

Runs back into the Mississippi

just above New Orleans.

Think we can get through?

Lt'd be a tight squeeze,

but if you cut a few trees out of the way,

and don't mind scraping the bottom,

you might make it.

Georgie, maybe we ain't

lost this race yet.

[Alligator growls]

We've practiced long enough.

Let's show 'em something.

Row them poles,

you scummy river rats!

If you don't get me to that landing

before Crockett,

so help me, I'll turn every mother's son

into catfish bait!

Push, boys!

Push like you never pushed before!

We're beatin' 'em, boys! Push!

Moose.

Give 'em the Pittsburgh punch!

Aah!

So you want to play rough?

Ah!

Give it to 'em, Jocko.

Give 'em what for, Davy.

Use that pole, man!

Hit 'em! Hit 'em!

[Grunting]

[George laughing]

You thought you was

gonna wear our pelts!

You thought we was

gonna be trailin'!

[Church bell ringing]

What's the world gonna say?

Mike Fink, King of the River,

losin' to a pack of landlubbers.

We don't want anything but our furs.

That's all we started out to do.

You mean, you ain't gonna

lay claim to my red feather?

There's only one King of the River.

That bayou we come through ain't rightly

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes