Dead Ringers Page #3

They're twins, dear.

Identical twins.

My dear, you've gone absolutely pale.

Have I said something?

No, no, not at all.

Where's that waiter? I want some coffee.

Oh, how sick-making.

I have said something, haven't I?

You know,

I could get very fond of Butazamine.

Ooooh...!

Beverly...

...why haven't you told me that

your brother isn't just a brother?

Ah, th... Ah, that.

Yes, that.

It never occurred to me.

I mean, he is just a brother.

Um...

- Is it important?

- Is it important?

I've heard you live together

in the same apartment.

Yeah, that's true.

We both like Italian furniture.

God! Do you sleep in the same bed?

Oh, Claire, come on!

You come on!

You told me...

...you and your brother weren't close.

And now I find out

not only are you identical twins...

...but you live together...

...in the same apartment.

What's he like...

...your twin?

Well, I mean... er...

Of course, h-he looks a lot like me.

Are you identical psychologically?

Um...

No, I wouldn't say that.

When can I meet him?

You can't. I mean...

...you don't want to.

But, Beverly... don't you understand?

I have to meet him.

Why?

I want to know everything about you.

I don't think it's a good idea.

You don't want me to meet your twin.

Why is that?

It's... It's difficult.

It's very difficult.

That's it, you see. I want to know

why it's difficult for you.

- My button...

- It's important to me to know why.

I suppose I...

...I could arrange for you and...

...Elliot...

...to have a drink together.

Uh-uh. Nix.

No good.

Why?

I want to see you two together.

I know he's going to have to in the end.

- Ah, there you are.

- Here I am.

I've been really looking forward to this.

Well... er...

Claire Niveau...

...this is my brother Elliot.

Hi, Claire... I hope Bev's told you

what a big fan I am of your movies.

No, he hasn't. As a matter of fact,

he hasn't mentioned you at all.

Really? That's not very flattering.

Well...

Are you going to sit down?

Yes, I am.

I feel such a fool, actually.

I must be the only woman in town...

...who doesn't know about

the fabulous Mantle twins.

What are you drinking?

Nothing. I want to be very sober right

at this moment. I want to be very clear.

There really isn't any

telling you apart, is there?

Absolutely identical in every respect.

I'm actually a couple of millimetres taller.

I bet somebody who knew you both -

how shall I put it? -

...knew you both really well...

...could tell the difference.

Without measuring your height, I mean.

What do you mean?

Beverly's the sweet one,

and you're the sh*t. Am I right?

This is some feisty lady

you've found, Beverly!

Elliot, let's ease up on the bullshit for

a moment. You can be honest with me.

After all, I am laying both of you, aren't I?

Er, now, hang on a...

It's a sweet little act you have.

You soften them up

with all that smarmy concern...

...and along comes Dracula here

and polishes them off.

I was the one who f***ed you first...

...but I gave you to my baby brother

because you weren't very good.

Oh, God, no! Um... Claire...

...let me explain...

You absolute sh*t!

Explain what?! Explain... what?

Listen...

I've been around a bit. I've seen some

creepy things in the movie business.

This is the most disgusting thing

that's ever happened to me.

- I doubt that.

- What is it with you, chum?

You can't get it up

unless little brother's watching?

I told you this was a bad idea.

- Really stupid. I'm leaving.

- Don't bother.

That solves that little problem.

Jesus, Bev!

Hey!

- What's going on?

- I don't know, I'm... I'm... er...

...a bit upset.

Listen, I'll go and catch up with her.

- I'll tell her it was all my fault.

- No!

Leave her alone.

I'll sort it out.

I give you the winner

of the 1988 Feldman Award:

Dr Elliot Mantle!

I suppose all of us know

just how important it is...

...for a practitioner to receive

the recognition of his peers.

However,

I feel that this award tonight...

...is not really for me...

...but rather for those women...

...who have provided

that most precious thing:

The gift of life.

- I want to thank Dr Angus Lawson...

- Hi, how are you?

...who gave me the time to pursue

my own research.

But most of all

I want to thank my brother...

...my partner, Dr Beverly Mantle...

...who, true to form, is not here

wasting time basking in glory.

Here, take mine.

But is hard at work at the Mantle Clinic...

Not true!

Not true! I'm here!

Oh, sorry.

I see Beverly has been doing

a little basking, after all!

He has a lot to celebrate.

He has been recognised as one of

North America's leading clinicians.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...Dr Beverly Mantle.

- You all right?

- Had rather a lot to drink.

Just want to say something.

I just want to say some...

I just want to say something.

There's been a fraud

perpetrated here tonight.

The whole thing's a fraud!

He's Beverly and I'm Elliot!

- Just say thank you and get off.

- No!

I want to say something else!

A lot of you are probably wondering...

...how we divide the work.

Well, it's like this...

I slave over the hot snatches...

...and Elliot... makes the speeches!

For God's sake!

I do everything for those bimbos, except

take them home and stick it in them!

Well, he's clearly been doing a lot

of celebrating. Who can blame him?

Thank you so much. Thank you.

I'm sorry about the catastrophe

last night.

It's true I had to smooth

a few ruffled feathers this morning.

But now, baby brother...

...for the good news.

Lawson has...

...finally offered me the associate

professorship at the hospital.

- One vodka martini, Doctor.

- Thank you, Sean.

- Are you going to accept?

- Of course I'm going to accept.

It's the next step to

chairman of the department.

- What about the practice?

- It goes on as before.

- Except you're not there.

- I won't be there as much, no.

I'm not eating.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

What are those?

Dex. I'm tired.

- Want one?

- Er... no, thanks.

If I can fly around, teach,

and do research...

...surely you can find time

for a few more patients?

Sure. Why not?

Good God!

- I didn't know you were here.

- Shh, shh. Elly's asleep.

His plane doesn't go till noon.

I didn't realise you two were so friendly.

We're not so friendly.

You gonna take a shower?

Um...

No, I... er...

You go ahead.

OK.

See ya.

It seems so... cold and empty.

You can call it empty,

or you can call it clean, sculptural.

It's a question of the individual

nervous system, I think.

That presupposes one has

an individual nervous system.

Please?

Er... thank you, I'll...

I'll think about it.

Claire...

Yes?

Oh...

...it's you.

Or should I say, which one of you is it?

Please, Claire, don't.

Are you still doing the mini-series?

Re-shoots. The director didn't

know what he was doing.

Well...

...tell me how sorry you are.

Tell me how much you miss me.

My brother and I have always

shared everything.

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