Dead Shack Page #2

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afford a place that is not

in the middle of nowhere

or potentially dangerous?

Hey, you picked him.

He's my dad so I have

to like him.

You guys are bonding.

That makes me feel

all warm inside.

Don't settle, Lisa.

It's nice being out of the city,

eh, Summer?

Touching nature.

Being able to be in touch

with nature.

Yeah, Jay.

You can touch nature

all you want, there, buddy.

No, I just meant...

it's nice to spend time

and uh...

can I grab your bag for you?

Knock yourself out,

boy scout.

( groans )

This place looks like

a murder cabin.

Jay, you should keep

my sister close

so she can protect you.

( weak laugh )

You know, it doesn't say

it in the instructions

but I mean there's gotta be

a hidden key

around here somewhere,

right?

High-tech security.

Safe.

Shotgun the best room!

You can't shotgun what you

can't see, dumb-ass.

Nyuuuh.

Ok, watch the booze, Rog.

I am not spending a week

in here sober.

( snorts )

Women. Am I right, big guy?

( chuckles )

Let me help you

with that.

Oh.

This is nice.

Dad, this place sucks.

What're you talking about?

It's cozy in here.

Where's Lisa?

Oh, Lisa's gone.

What do you mean,

she's gone?

( snaps photo )

She get a ca- oh,

you're joking.

Ha.

Funny.

Just up there, Jason.

( blows trumpet )

Thanks for dropping

my bags off.

Oh, yeah, no, that was...

that was no problem,

Summer.

I was just uh... just happy

I could help.

You know, I've seen the way

you look at me.

You're like 14 or something?

Adorable.

But weird.

Adorable is good, right?

Nah.

You blew it, man.

Oh, I shotgun this bed,

by the way.

If you forgot the white

tequila, Roger,

I swear to God...

Come on,

my little fortune cookie,

I'd never forget the white gold.

Oh, dad, sweet racism.

What?

Was I racist?

( laughs )

( yawns )

I'm gonna explore.

You two coming?

Hmm, spend more time

with my lame sister?

Yeah, sure, we'll go.

Ok.

Dad, Lisa, we're leaving!

Ok, later.

Babe, pay attention to me!

Wow, you must be a really

good pitcher, Summer.

I play first base.

So, uh... your parents like

to party, huh?

Lisa's not my mom.

But yeah, they do.

Yours?

Um... yeah, no, they party

all the time.

They're, like, super trashy.

Ok, dude, don't try to hit

on my sister in front of me.

I wasn't hitting on your

sister, man.

She's not even really

my type.

Really? Why is that?

Well, uh... you walk weird,

and um...

uh, your hair is too messy

and, uh, you can be mean

sometimes and, uh...

well, your family is-

Messed up?

That's not what I meant-

To say?

Look, I'm messing with you,

Jason.

You really gotta loosen up,

man.

My family's messed up, too,

you know.

( laughs )

Strike two, playa.

Yooooo!

Check it out!

Woah.

Maybe a deer died here

or something.

Yeah, it's pretty sweet.

This would be good for

LARP Camp next week.

Uh, yeah, about that live action

role play thing next week...

well, I mean, it's really more

of a seminar.

But, uh, I don't even know

if I can go or whatever.

Oh, 'cause you wanna go

on a date with my sister?

Dude.

No way, man.

I mean, she could come

to LARP camp too,

but I mean, she would

make a great demon cow.

Whatever, man.

Ugliest, nastiest demon cow.

Woah.

Ever.

Well, I mean, she's-

she's not that ugly.

Dude.

Gross.

Hey! Dungeons and D*ldos,

let's keep moving!

We were just, you know-

Dude. Who cares?

Whatever you're showing us

better be better

than playing

with bones in the woods.

Ok, Summer?

F***.

Oh, ok.

A shitty old house with a bunch

of shitty old cars.

F*** off, Colin.

Sweet.

Oh, uh, guys?

I think this is

private property.

Yeah, be more of a wuss,

Jason.

Girls love that stuff.

Shotgun!

Ugh!

( sniffs )

Ugh!

It friggin' stinks in here!

Hey.

Summer!

I don't- I really don't think

we should be here.

Are you scared of guard dogs

or something?

Um... yeah.

Aren't you?

No.

Well, good. I feel

safer already.

Yo, what is all this sh*t?

Hey guys, come here!

Oh, Colin, get outta there.

Ugh.

Oh, gross.

I'm gonna barf!

Oh, god.

It smells like your room.

Come on, let's bounce.

F*** you.

Yeah, no, that's

a great idea.

Yeah.

Yo, wait!

There's mad bling up

in this barrel!

Hey, that might actually be

worth something.

Hey, f*** you!

That's mine!

You're such a p*ssy, Colin.

Hey, shut up. That's sexist.

You're such a... you're such

a penis, Summer.

Guys.

Guys, we should get the heck

outta here.

There's, like... melted watches

and cell phones

and crap in here, too.

Oh, sh*t.

See that?

( vehicle approaches )

Let's go.

We're gonna get arrested!

Arrested?

We're gonna get freakin'

murdered!

( whispers ) Ok, go.

Come on, go, go, go, go.

Is this where the party is?

We are gonna get so turn't.

What's with all the cars?

What are you, like, a

mechanic or something?

That'd be kinda hot.

Thanks- thanks for driving,

lady, 'cause uh...

we're so wasted.

( laughing )

Ok, can we go?!

Nah, dude.

This place's gonna have

a threesome.

Colin, you don't even know

what that means.

It's 2017, Summer.

Everybody knows

what everything means.

You're gonna get us shot!

( inside ) So, like... where

are we gonna do this thing?

'Cause full offense, lady,

this house is creepy.

What's with all

the unicorn stuff?

I know we may not look it

but we're real artists

in the bedroom.

You don't-

you guys think dad has

ever had a threesome?

God, shut up, Colin.

( soft music begins )

I did stunts in a movie once.

Ooh, hello sexy.

To good times and

awesome strangers.

Woo!

Oh baby take my hand,

and close,

close your eyes...

You don't, uh, dance, lady?

( laughs )

Shut up, Colin!

Shut up, Summer!

F*** you!

Frig off, Summer!

I know what

I want you to,

to do for me,

It's go time.

( chuckles )

I know what

I want you to,

( thud )

That's messed up, bro.

( laughs )

Come on, come on,

Come on, come on,

Guys, can we go do,

like, literally anything else?

No.

Uh...

the f***...?

Whaaat?

I'm hearing,

your chest is beating,

Oh baby, take my hand,

and close,

close your eyes...

Guys.

Guys, I think she drugged them.

No, no.

I mean... maybe they're

just really drunk.

I mean, dad passes out

all the time, right?

Wha- where are you going?

Summer!

Summer! Summer!

F***!

( muffled thumps )

Guys.

Shhh!

Guys.

( inside ) Oh, f***!

Hey, kids, I got something

for ya.

Clinton, Alicia,

time for breakfast.

Can we please go?

( door opens )

( music continues )

Alicia!

It's time for breakfast.

Can we go?

Shut up.

What the hell?!

What the hell?!

What the hell?!

What the hell?!

I wanna see.

No, Colin, let's go!

Come on, let's go.

Please.

No, you saw it.

You wanted to save

these bros.

Colin!

( starts feeding )

( gasping )

Come on! Let's go!

Now!

Summer!

Summer!

Colin!

Summer!

Colin!

What did you see?!

What did you see?!

Blood! Eating!

She killed them!

F***.

( glass shatters )

What the hell'd

you do that for?!

What do you mean?

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